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Taken a step backwards

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lewis, Jun 25, 2012.

  1. Lewis

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    After I came out to that last person that I did, I've take a major step in the wrong direction. I felt 100% content with my sexuality and wouldn't want to change a single thing about myself, but now I'm having doubts. I'm just wishing that I didn't have this burden on my life, as I watch my friends just get on with their lives and do what other people do. Guess we can call it straight-envy.

    Today, somebody asked another guy in my class the following question, 'Would you rather be gay, or dead?', to which the guy answered, 'dead'. It actually felt like that person, to whom I get on with very well, had come up to me and stabbed me in the heart. I felt actual pain. The person asking the question was my best friend, who is normally very open-minded. Today he was talking about how if he goes to this party (which is being hosted by a gay individual), he will 'vomit' if he see's two guys do anything. It just seemed like every conversation was a negative one about gays, especially from this homophobic guy in my class. It just seemed like someone or something was really out to get me and making me question myself.

    I just don't know what I want anymore, I don't know whether I want to tell people. I was so ready, but this has set me back so far. I sometimes think if I had the guts, I'd definitely be one to take my life, everything just seems to be going down hill. It just upsets me that somebody would rather be dead, than be what I am.

    Maybe I'm overreacting, but I felt I had to share this. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Gen

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    And I would rather be dead than him :slight_smile:.

    But seriously, why should you care if he does aprrove of who you are? I gotten along with plenty of people who are homophobic, they arent all horrible people. Though at the end of the day, what you have to realize is that they are only acting on the beliefs they learned from thier parents/peers/etc. I dont approve of the level of cleanliness in my friends houses, but I'd doubt they'd care if I told them. There will always be people that dont approve of you for whatever reason, but to be happy in our lifes we have to learn to take what others say with a grain of salt.

    I have seen your other topics, and you come across to me as a person who has learned to accept his sexually, but also cares and doesnt want to upset the people around. And I can relate to that because I have always struggled with perfectionism throughout my life. Spent way too much time on the perfect grades, looks, cloths, and virtually everything else(Still do :frowning2:). My sexually was the only "flaw" that I couldnt be fix. It wasnt a "flaw" to me, but I had everyone elses opinions to worry about. Until one day, I asked myself what do I really have to be ashamed of? Just because we arent what other people want us to be isnt something we should have to feel sorry for. Once someone who is utterly flawless crtiques me, then I will feel ashamed of myself :slight_smile:.


    Just the fact that you really seem to care about what people think of you, tells me that you're a genuinely nice person, and if people dont like you because of who you are then thats thier loss.
     
  3. lilbitlost

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    Everyone needs a good rant now and then. I dont think your overreacting, but then i'm still coming to terms with my sexuality and im very hypersensitive to comments at the moment.

    What your friends said was downright harsh, could you try talking to them? Explain that it upsets you? Or maybe if they aren't the type youd discuss it with easily you could try some reverse therapy?

    Dont let what other people say and think change how you feel about being yourself.
     
  4. DanA

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    Sounds like what I'm going through. Things didn't work out with this guy I was seeing and I really don't have an really close gay friends. I went to the pride parade in Chicago, my first time in boystown, and I went with a close straight friend. I had to beg and pled to go into a gay bar with him... I finally just said "I really need this."

    At the end of the night, I asked him if he was uncomfortable and he said "I kinda knew we might end up there eventually."

    End up. Like, he didn't want to go. That hurt me.

    That's when it hit me that my straight life is over... and I might have given up some things that I didn't want to give up and now I'm in this world where I have nobody and I don't know how to function.

    I am in desperate need for a gay friend right now.

    But, that guy in your class is an ass.
     
  5. Lewis

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    Thanks for the replies :slight_smile: they've really helped, because today I've felt like a major outcast and everyone was oblivious to that. It was like I was taken back to high school again; pretending to laugh at jokes that I didn't find funny, pretending to be attracted to girls (which I haven't blatantly done in years) and listening to vile comments like the one I mentioned.

    I think maybe I am too nice for my own good, I let things get me down so easily. At the end of today, I just wanted to sleep and not talk to anyone. It just feels like a huge set-back for me. I definitely don't want to upset those around me and seem to render my personality to other peoples needs at times, which I shouldn't.

    I'd try talk to them about it, but currently I'm not out to any of these individuals. Again, I really appreciate the replies. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2012 at 01:59 PM ----------

    Shame that we don't live nearby each other, I need a gay friend too. One that is at the same level as me. I made the mistake of telling a gay guy that is really open and got a big mouth. :confused:
     
  6. Just Passing

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    It's possible that your friends aren't necessarily homophobic, but just ignorant of the actual idea of homosexuality. I would tell anyone you get on with well about yourself if you are comfortable with it. If that person is a true friend, they won't abandon you and if anything, they may gain a greater understanding from having a friend who isn't straight.

    And if they do leave you, it's their loss. From what I can tell Lewissss, you're a decent guy and a wonderful person (judging by various posts on the forum, not stalking honest :grin:) and any friend of yours should realise this regardless.

    All the best. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Lewis

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    Well at times they seem to be very open-minded, which makes me really happen. Then it's a real disappointment when things like that are said, it just made me question my whole life.

    I am very flattered, you guys never fail to make me feel better about myself! :slight_smile: Hopefully tomorrow I can wake up to a new day and move on from it all.

    Thanks again. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Curly

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    I know how you feel. When your just starting to make your way out of the closet, the things people say around you can really hurt. Even now that I have been "officially" out, I still pick up on the small potentially negative comments people I just met and don't know exactly how they are gonna react to it once they find out. They either do it on purpose or though ignorance I don't know. Things like "that's so gay" or something like that.

    On a good note, some people have these feelings and say/act this way because they really just don't know any better. Maybe if they knew someone personally who is gay, they might re-evaluate their position.

    congratulations on your coming out to yourself. Try not to let other people get you down. (*hug*) good luck