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What to do about my friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JillandJill, Jun 25, 2012.

  1. JillandJill

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    She is in a mental hospital right now and there are only 2 times a day that I could call and talk to her. And my parents told me I should. But I came to the realization last night that she did a lot, a LOT of things that a best friend just shouldn't do. And now I don't even want to call and talk to her, not that I ever did, but damn. I feel like a shitty-ass friend for even thinking all of this while she's in the mental institute but I don't know if I should call her or what....
     
  2. alexi12

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    I don't know necessarily what the best approach is, but you shouldn't feel committed to staying this person's friend if they are not treating you with mutual respect.

    Do you still want to be her friend at all? And did your parents give you the advice knowing about the things she's done to you that you say she shouldn't have?
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey I understand the dilema you are having. Is it possible that you could write to her and have contact that way, it might be easier than on the phone. I think it depends whether the things she did to you were caused by her being mentally ill or whether they are separate, I mean it doesnt completely excuse them but if she wouldnt normally do things like that then she probably feels bad too.
     
  4. Ianthe

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    What did she do? It matters...
     
  5. JillandJill

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    Yeah, unfortunately there's no way for me to contact her other than on the phone. She kept making sure I would come with her to get her first tattoo, and she was so excited about it and then I heard from my dad that she would be going to get the tattoo with my sister, and spend all day together. And she never said anything about it to me. Also, I would always just spot her if she didn't have money or whatever and she would never say thank you. Also she moved in to my house about three months ago and kept leaving her hair in the drain so I finally, after two months, asked her to please make sure she got it out cause I really don't like touching other peoples wet hair. She said oh my gosh I'm so sorry, of course I will. And then continued to leave it in there so one morning after I left for work I texted her and said hey so since I have talked to you about the hair I have had to take it out myself three times so I'm not sure what to do about that. Then she took all of her shower supplies and went to her mom's house and never came back, and when I texted her later to see if she was coming back, she ignored me and texted my dad and said "Hey just so you know I won't be coming back tonight, thanks for all you have done for me". Like.... she got mad at me and ignored me because she wouldn't do the one thing that I asked her to do when she is living in my house? Wtf. And she had been asking me to watch Lizzie McGuire with her and she asked me again one day and I said I just can't tonight, what about tomorrow and she said perfect. Then the following evening she left at like 6pm to go to her friend Morgan's and didn't come home till like 2 or 3am, never even said a word to me. That's all I can think of at the moment...

    ---------- Post added 26th Jun 2012 at 04:36 AM ----------

    And I'm not sure I want to be her friend anymore... but how can I make a decision like that? To be honest she is the only friend I have that I actually hang out with. And my other friend Michael but he will be going back to school in the fall. I don't want to be completely friendless, and how can I possibly know how much of what she did was because of her illness, but I won't put up with things like the aforementioned, anymore.
     
  6. JillandJill

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    Anyone? Haha sorry, but it is a time-sensitive matter...
     
  7. King

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    I'm not going to ask for specifics, because it's none of my business, but if she's in the mental hospital for depression, or trying to commit suicide, or something like that... Maybe she can be forgiven for the things she's done.
    Maybe she's bi-polar? I don't know really know... If you don't think the friendship is worth saving, ditch the guilt and don't call her. But if you're feeling bad about it... Perhaps she might be worth it.
    Good luck.

    King xx
     
  8. JillandJill

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    Yeah, maybe she can be forgiven, but does that mean she should be? It's just such a toss-up. I can't predict the future so I can't tell if I decide to keep her around if she will just end up doing similar things, or if it was because of her illness. I can't predict if I will want to spend time with her, be close with her, I just don't know. But at the moment, it's just like.... you did all this shit to me, and I recently have not been wanting to spend time with you... I don't know man.
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I think it depends a bit on whether or not her actions were partially a result of the mental illness she was/is suffering.

    The fact you have no other friends shouldnt impact on what you do, either she is worth your time, in which case you give her another chance, or she is not so you move on regardless of having not many other friends, thats not a good reason to keep a friend.

    I think perhaps you should give her another chance, but have a chat to her and outline the things you were unhappy with and why, give her a chance to respond and see what she says and then try and move on in the friendship, if she returns to her old ways then cut your losses and find some new friends.
     
  10. JillandJill

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    I think you're right. Thanks guys :slight_smile:
     
  11. silverhalo

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    No worries, let us know how you get on.
     
  12. JillandJill

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    I decided to give her another chance, to see if anything changed, and it was weird. Really weird. First when she got here she talked with my parents for like half an hour which wasn't cool cause I just wanted to hang out with her and talk about it, not listen to her and my parents talk. And then she was just like "I'll buy some weed from you" to my sister and I was like WHAT. She did not offer to sell you her weed. You are seriously just going to force her to sell it to you? WOW. WOW. And it was like I didn't even enjoy spending time with her. For like the first half hour and the last hour, hour and a half, I just wished she would go home.... Ugh.
     
  13. King

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    Did you talk much? About your friendship, or what needs to change? If you still feel uncertain about where this friendship is going, don't be afraid to do what's best for you, which you may feel is leaving her behind.
    Good luck,

    King xx
     
  14. JillandJill

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    No, we didn't really talk about anything. It didn't feel right.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    Then perhaps it is time to move on?