*sigh*

Im not sure if that was just a rant, or you actually want to know

 

Is this a certain app for the iPod?
I agree with ryanninjasheep... Is this a rant or do you want something?
If you're looking for any advice, get off this online thing. Online dating and gay people are never really going to mix because so much anonymity is involved and you get 50+ men hitting on vulnerable teenagers... You're better off going to gay bars.

 

Okay, unlike the previous posters, I'm going to assume you want theories. Luckily, theorising is what I'm good at
So... some thoughts:

- Whenever two or more human beings get together, they tend to instinctively make a ranking. Who's the biggest, who's the handsomest, who could beat who in a fight (As an anecdote: I'm a very soft-spoken guy, but when a new guy arrives in my judo club... I make damn sure I win my first fight against him :icon_wink). Essentially the forces of evolution at work: proving you're the fittest.

And then the setting of a dating site takes that and cranks the contrast up to 11. Lists and lists of people, and you can index them with the click of a button. If you're desperate, or even just very interested in appearing as favourable to a large audience, the option to lie and put yourself a few places ahead in (what you perceive to be) other people's ranking is just too great for some.

It starts with giving yourself an extra inch of height, and already deducting those 10 pounds you're planning to lose anyway. And for some, it ends in rampant re-invention of their life, in the hopes that when they met a nice guy, he'll be smitten enough to overlook a few embellishments.


- Noncommittal terminology serves the same purpose, really. Makes you able to type about yourself, but not in so much detail that some of your traits risk turning people off. It's much easier to say "I have a wide variety of interests" than listing "sci-fi, gaming and RPGs". That might make people jump to the conclusion of "too much of a nerd for me", and that's obviously not what anyone wants as a reaction on his dating profile. So usually, people go for a profile with a decent amount of words, but nothing that tey couldn't plausibly deny when actively talking to someone.

Plus... things like "easy-going" and "down to earth" are just common parlance these days. Actually... I have some of them in my EC profile. When I put it there, I meant is just as a friendly: "don't hesitate to approach me. I won't bite!". So maybe you shouldn't take it as anything else on a dating site either.


- Finally, the sad truth is that a lot of gay people have pretty bad self-confidence issues. Guys like that tend to do all of the above even worse than a confident person would do.



What to do about human nature? Not much you can do, I'm afraid.
Two options spring to mind.

1) Get off that site, and meet more people, being out and proud as you do so. Slower method, but you're not going to run into as much dating site idiosyncrasies.

2) Contact people who seem somewhat interesting despite grandstanding and/or vapid sentences. Suffer their efforts to prove they really are desirable, and try to push beyond that to a more normal conversation. Treat the dating site exaggerations etc. as a kind of temporary insanity on their part, but see if they might not still be valuable people underneath. Might make you eyeroll every time when you first talk to someone, but you might have some luck.

 

maybe you can meet some guys through friends or someone who likes to play match maker.

lol at Lewnatic, if you have ever read Mirko's posts you would know that 'certain' app on iphone/ipod/android is something I would think is waaaay to low of a standard for Mirko, he doesnt seem like that kinda guy.

dw Mirko I think you will find someone just perfect

 

Hi Mirko.

I my mind, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I don't see the harm in trying. If you're being honest about what you're looking for, I tend to think that there's at least ONE other guy on that site who is like minded, in the same age range, and available. You just shouldn't expect him to appear in the first few days that youv'e been back online.

In addition to that though, what else could you do? Are there any gay groups or organizations in your area that you could join? Events that you could attend? Bowling leagues that you could play in? (Even if you're not that fond of bowling...) The more often you're out and interacting, the more likely you're going to meet someone.

If none of those things are available, maybe you could start one! Short of doing that, you could even put up an ad indicating that you're really just looking for platonic friends - and see what you get. When I first was coming out I did that - and I got a few good responses. One of the guys attended our wedding last summer, and I'll be seeing him on Thursday of this week. I put that ad up 5 years ago - so lasting friendships can come out of online ads. I'm living proof. And had I not met my husband, perhaps that friend would have eventually introduced me to someone who was dating material.

I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know - but sometimes when it's our own life we're thinking about it's tough to step back and look at the possibilities.

 

Online dating is harsh place to date in my opinion. You have to play by different rules and I also think that it makes you be meaner than in person.

You are way nicer than me when I used to use an online profile. If someone that age would have messaged me I wouldn't have even replied to him in order to avoid any miscommunication. Specially since a lot of people online seem to not get that you are simply not interested in them.

Maybe you need a new dating site? One that allows you to be strict about the age of people you are looking for and other stuff?

 

Phew - do I have some online dating stories. Most are good for a laugh, some are fairly heartfelt, and there's a couple genuine disasters. I actually think that a lot of what Chip had to say is pretty spot-on - although I'm not sure it's specifically limited to gay culture. The impulse to put superficial things out there and expect deep, vulnerable responses is probably really common. The first time I ever got onto dating websites, I was incredibly naive - on some level, I probably was actually thinking, "he's so cute, he must be really interested in my incredibly obscure career!" Needless to say, that didn't lead anywhere. And yes - the more a site requires from you in terms of personality information the better, in all likelihood.

I tend to act a lot like TheEdend on dating sites now - or at least I did, since I'm not on any at the moment. And again, what Chip was saying holds true for me also. Unless I'm on a site that specifically bills friendship as a viable option (as opposed to simply "friends first"), then I'm very suspicious of people who claim to want only friendship (or at least I don't believe them, and act accordingly). In the case of the guy you mentioned, especially if he already opened the door to dating, it could be hard to back completely away from that and be genuine friends - and that's not a judgment, I actually find it very understandable. I just think it's very common.

Trying a new website might be a really good idea. Incidentally, are you paying for this website? I've noticed that it makes a HUGE difference if you need a credit card to sign up. Paid sites aren't necessarily more successful in meeting someone for a date, but in meeting someone who's interested in more than just the quickest meet-up possible and is genuinely looking for companionship - much more successful. In any case, if you had no luck at this site before, nothing to be lost from trying something new, right? There are some sites (we can maybe talk over pm) that do let you filter your profile for specific information - so, for example, if you're not looking to date people 25 years older than you, then they won't even be able to see your profile. In my opinion, a really good idea as it saves everyone a lot of effort, and lets people be more confident about the profiles they are seeing in the first place.

All that said, I think any venture into online dating (or heck, dating in the first place) is going to have a low success rate - and after all, isn't it supposed to? If it's only supposed to work once, then a few failed attempts along the way are only to be expected. Try not to get discouraged.

 

Not totally related, but I just wanted to point out that ^ this was really... uh, deep. I dunno, it just made a lot of sense. And going off of that, you don't seem like the type of guy to fit into that environment Mirko.

I don't have any experience, but perhaps people like this guy who might be friends with you opens up another opportunity to network? I'm sure you still have to be cautious of basically being preyed on... but like Jim said, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

Goooooooooood luck!

 

Yay!! I hope you have an awesome time! Let us know how it goes!!!

 

That is exciting! And I *do* wish you luck.

 

I hope you have a nice day. Can't wait to hear all about it!

 

Fingers crossed And I ask for a full report !!!

 

Gooood luck! And yup give a full report!!