So, I've come out to one person, and it was only a couple of days ago, but I'm starting to get worried about coming out to more people. It seems like every time I try to mention it, I get nervous. And when I'm nervous, I get quiet. I feel like it's just been easier to 'play it straight' since that's what I've been doing for almost a year now. What really got me to come out to my friend was the fact the no one else knew, and that was killing me. Now I have someone I can talk to about it with, and I guess I just don't feel like coming out to anyone else. It's like I'm not sure if I want to. I know for many people, once you come out to the first person, the rest gets easier --but to those of you in my situation, how did you get yourself to keep coming out?
There's no clock on coming out per se. Some people feel like they want to tell the world in one shot, others take a more slow-release approach, some only feel comfortable telling close friends and family, and it changes over time. I suppose in part it depends why you chose that one person and do any one else fit that same criteria for telling them at the same time. If not maybe you just need a bit of time to get used to that new reality before telling a few more people. And having told one person (and noticed the earth is still spinning after that) is always a good confidence builder for the next ones. But you'll know when it's time.
They get easier - but, so far for me, it's never been 'easy'. You have to do it on your own schedule though. You'll know when the time is right to tell somebody - start with your easy wins and build your network. Eventually, you may adopt an 'ask - tell' policy with yourself. There are some people you may never want to come out to. Personally, I don't plan to come out at work - ever - unless I have a reason to (such as a very serious relationship). Just remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Remind yourself that you and your sexual orientation are OK, acceptable, and you have a right to love who you love. Don't apologize for being gay. Your confidence will make coming out much easier.
yeah as aswomeyodais has said, there is no clock. You can come out to others when you feel ready. If you are happy with just one person for now, then let it be like that for now. No one should push you to come out to other. It's your life, your decision, it shouldn't be forced out. It must come out from your heart at the right time for whom ever you want to tell in the future.
If you're feeling nervous about doing it again, I'd hold off. It can easily backfire if you push yourself to do it...
When I came out to a short-term counselor I had, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack right up to when I told her. I've told one close friend now(which was easy because we've messed around when we were around 16). But like several people said, I believe confidence is key. I still feel ashamed of these feelings I have. They have lessened up quite a bit, but I still am not 100% ok with myself and love myself for this. I think once I get to that point, it will be a lot easier to live freely.
I have not come out to anyone in person yet. It does get easier in a way, but I really think it depends on the person you come out to. The forth person i came out to was easy, i did not freak out at all after i sent them (of course that friend is pretty much trans FtM). But last night i came out to number five, I am still freaking out about it, cause i sent her a message on facebook and she has not responded yet. My advice is, if you don't feel ready to tell people than you shouldn't feel the need to. Just do what you feel comfortable doing.
Thank you guys. I have decided to use an 'ask, tell' policy, but I've already backed down from telling a couple of my friends, even after getting asked directly "Do you like men?" (although in context it was joking, and I think they would've been surprised to hear a 'yes'). I already know I'm not going to tell my parents unless I have a serious boyfriend (They're devout Christians, and while I don't think they'd disown me, it'd certainly put more of a strain on our relationship, and it'd open me up to more of their passive-aggressive commentary). I guess I already feel better hearing your guys' advice. I guess I'll just come out when it feels right.
Everyone has their own pace when coming out of the closet. Personally, being in the closet is tearing my world apart, but if you don't feel the need to come out to everyone and you're content, then that's fine. Good luck with everything
