Hey, Recently I've come out, But I don't know who to tell next, and if this is really bad timing. I broke up with my girlfriend the other day. She does not know that I'm gay. And I've told 2 people already before we broke up because I needed someone to talk to that could relate to me a little because one of them is Bi and they are a couple. I really want to tell my friend who is a guy, we've been friends since 6th grade and were seniors in high school now. I used to be in love with him. And I haven't ever suspected him as being a homophobe. Should I tell him that I'm gay? And that I used to love him? And there's another guy I want to tell but I know that I just may get punched in the face if I do, so he's not one I'm gonna tell. But there's my friend who's a girl, she's very loving, sweet, tolerant, and would love me not matter what, but there are 2 things, she's VERY christian, and can't keep secrets. I need someone right now, but if I tell her I know others will know, especially since I JUST broke up with my girlfriend. Then there's my parents, But that's for another time. What do you think?
I think you should not tell anything to your Christian friend. Not because she's Christian but because she can't keep a secret. And if you don't want to be bullied and if you don't want that everyone else know about you then don't tell her. If you and your friend are really close and if you think that he's not going to put you apart then you can tell him. Tell him that you think that you are gay and you want to tell him because his friendship means a lot to you and you don't want to stop talking to him because of your sexuality.
You might need to elaborate on "used to be in love with him", only because you want to make sure you're actually over him. If you aren't, it could make things messy. If he wouldn't have problems with it, coupled with the fact that you're good friends, he seems like a good candidate to tell. I would not mention that you "were in love" with him though; really, what does it accomplish? It just makes things awkward and might serve to make him paranoid you still like him. There's no benefit to saying so. The girl is probably not a good choice. Not because she's Christian (I have very Christian friends who took the news well), but the fact that she can't keep secrets. If you're new to coming out, it sounds like you want to take things at your own pace, under your control. Ultimately though, tell whoever feels right! Trust your gut. It's the one that's been protecting your secret this long... it knows what's right.
If you two are close friends and you havent noticed any sort of homophobia i think it would be good to tell him,im sure you would rather him hear it from you than anyone else.Once you are out to anyone,your secret is no longer 100% safe and the more you come out to before him the higher the risk of him hearing about you. I would not advice you to mention anything about being in love with him/having a crush or any thing related to him unless you are certain that he can return the same feelings. As mentioned above,it would be far better to tell him you are telling him because you value his friendship and know you can trust him to keep it to himself and hope it wont change your friendship in any way. Just remember that when coming out,if you keep it simple,to the point,in a confident way without making it into a big deal,whoever you are telling most likely wont make a big deal of it either. On the plus side,this is not your first coming out,and trust me,it gets easier each time and you feel your confidence grow.I am at a point now that if i am talking to anyone and the conversation heads to partners,being married etc,i just simply drop a "no,not me,im gay" into the conversation and carry on like i just told them im left handed or something. Good luck with coming out and hope to see you posting a coming out story.
Thank you everyone, I don't think I will tell the girl, I will tell my friend I'm gay, and nothing else. The next time I see him I will (maybe, if I don't have a panic attack lol) tell him. I'm getting used to identifying as gay, I've been identifying as straight my whole life. Thanks for your support and I hope this goes well.
You don't really need to do this. If labels didn't exist one wouldn't have to go through this annoying identification process as if you're getting ID'd to buy alcohol. You like boys, that's all you need to think about... Labels are so damaging. You may as well just get a sticker, write "I'M GAY" on it and walk around in public.
Well it's not as if I'm actually going to put a sign on me, and I'm not going to say to every person I meet "Hey, nice to meet you, I'm gay." I didn't do that before lol. I'm gay. I identify as gay, I know that it is not all of me, just a part of a whole, A slice of the pie, A deer in the field, A flower in the bouquet. It's something that's a significant part of my life to me. I'm certainly not going to flaunt it around, because I'm not that kind of person anyway. I do take your point though, some people do better not "labeling", but without labels, to me, then there would be poor organization. Not that I am saying people should be organized, labels are for files. But I think there has to be some form of acceptance within myself to help build my esteem and confidence, and I'm trying to figure it out. And for me, a part of that is knowing where I stand with my sexuality, and that stance can adjust over time for me. I understand your view and I will try not to place to much importance on an identification process because i see what you mean the alcohol and sticker metaphors.
^ I think that's a great mentality to take. When you tell other people, they'll often (unless they have deeply preset opinions on being gay) take your stance on the matter and match your attitude. The more of a "no big deal" attitude you can take, the more casual the topic will become.
