my head is wearing me out

Hello everyone
I am sure there are lots of people out there like me who just wish things, especially sexuality which should just be easy, didnt feel so complicated. I am 33 and last year was swept off my feet by a 27 year old women. I was found out, didnt come out to my mother about 6 months after we started seeing each other, no one else knew and my mother took it terribly, i never knew such hurtful things could come out of her mouth and the looks were just as painful. I broke up with my girlfriend not long after because i couldnt take it, and the breakup was just as painful because my girlfriend got so angry and hurt. I have since made up with her again and my mother is trying, she is not happy, its easy to see and it hurts her because she thinks i would be happier with a guy. I have looked at websites and experiences of others who have been coming out and im trying to find some sort of clarity so i can confidently say, im a lesbian, or im bisexual or something but i just dont know. I feel like most people have always known, and i feel like ive only just found out i can have a relationship with a women when i met my girlfriend, i never thought about it before, so it goes against the biological thing so im wondering does that make me just confused? I fell head over heals for my girlfriend when i finally got over the fact that she kissed me and i enjoyed it, then it just felt right. Now im trying to find the same spark we initially had, but the times we are together are not the same, its been such a hard time getting through the time with mum, and dealing with who else i should tell, and a couple of my friends finding out (who were good about it), isolating my self because she wants to socialise with me as my partner, so i just dont socialise because im not out. My mum saying i should trust my family enough to tell them, when I know that they have the same attitude my mother, i feel like im always wound up tight, i dont feel like the same person. I hear a random comment about a person who is or may be gay and i take it personally. I wonder if i would be better off with a guy cause i know i could be happy with a guy too. I never thought of having children before i met my current girlfriend, and im getting older so need to start really thinking about it, but if i cant get a grip on the fact im in a lesbian relationship, i cant bring children into it. My girlfriend says i dont have to tell anyone, its no ones business, even though all her friends know, but she doesnt understand really that i have never had secrets, from anyone, im asked a question, i answer it, no big deal. Work is the same, everyone knows everyones partners, they have known me for about 11 years, my family have always known everything because i talk openly, but now i feel like i suddenly have been put under a huge shaddow and i have to 'come out' to everyone and hopefully be accepted and it makes me so angry because i havent changed, im still the same and even though i was accepted by my 2 friends, i hate how my mum thinks i should be grateful for that, because i think i shouldnt need to be accepted when they were my friends before i got a girlfriend. This proberbly sounds really messy and its because my head is, i admit it and i wish i could just be happy. When i was with a guy it was easy, if we broke up, your heart breaks but move on. My mother whom has always been a huge part of my life said, i basically have to completely commit to this person now because once i tell people i will be labelled and that is what ill be for the rest of my life and ill have to change friends, and my family will see me differently. I have always been a bit of a commitment phobic so this so hard. I know it seems like i could just ignore my mother but i have been there for her, i am helping her financially and by brother is no longer in her life because of other things, i feel like i am the child that should be there for her. My brother has kids and has no longer contact with our family so because im not with a man, i think mum is doubly hurt because she will not be able to have grandkids (although i still can have kids). She is also embarrased that people will look at her differently because of me. In the end I do love my girlfriend but im scared it will never get easy and we will just struggle our whole relationship because of mean people. I know i cant just get a response then it will all be better. I have seen a councillor just to talk, but she gave me a relationship book with a guy and girl on it, said it was the same and just ignore the picture because most are written for 'normal' hetrosexual couples, i still havnt read the book.