Well, I'm honestly in hell. I have been crippled to the point that I am unable to work, I just can't go. I'm horribly depressed, my anxiety has subsided. I have come to the point where I know I have feelings for men, but I just don't see myself with them long term nor do I see a sexual relationship anymore. I've realized that they look different because my feelings have changed. I mean if I stop thinking and go out shopping, I def notice men more, I get giddy and butterflies and such but it stops there. I've accepted that. I'm sure if I stop obsessing my feelings for men will come back however they are not as strong as for women. I need to have a woman in my life to feel complete. I know that sounds messed up as like people should be complete on their own, but its always been like that for me. I'm really unhappy. I don't really know what I want to do with this woman lol. But I need to have a woman more than a best friend in my life. I just don't know what to tell my husband. My anxiety has gone down a lot. I see him as this sexy man I live with who is an amazing person inside and out. A man who deserves a lot more than what he's getting. I know for sure I'm not going to run out and be with women, I have a lot of work to do in therapy and I want to focus on kids and anxietys around other people. I just hope I don't get clingy with my friends. My husband is the type of man who needs the affection and love. I see his pain everyday and sometimes I forget and want to cuddle/be close to him. But I cannot have these thoughts chasing me for the rest of my life. I need to be alone for a while, with no pressure to figure things out. Since going through this trauma, and I really feel like that, he looks a lot like a stranger, he looks like someone I used to know. I just know I don't want to be with men anymore...esp in a relationship I would rather be with a woman. ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2012 at 07:41 AM ---------- Every time I think of him being with another woman it breaks my heart so much, but I think about a woman and the hurt goes away. I know ill miss him with everything I have...but I can't go on this way
I'm sorry to keep posting, but there really is no where to go. I just can't stand this "happiness" feeling whenever I think of a girl. It makes me really nervous for when I have the baby. I want to be able to enjoy being with my kids and not constantly think I need a woman beside me. Please just make it go away. This has happened since highschool, its like I only need one woman in my life and I don't want to talk to other people and when I force myself to I get anxiety cause I feel bad for not wanting to be there. Does anyone feel like this?
Do you feel like you want to have an emotional, or sexual relationship with a woman? With your husband I generally think honesty is the best policy, you can tell him that you are not planning to run and that you are working through it. Do you think your feelings for women are just a 'grass is always greener on the other side', type thing, do you think if you got with a woman the same would happen? I realise you cant be sure.
Well, I can't really say that I know how you're feeling. I have never struggled to figure out if I was gay or straight; I've always known that I am attracted to guys. But I'm really sorry that you have to go through that struggle. If you and your husband were to break up, do you think that you could still be friends? Because I feel like maybe you just want his support and friendship, but not in a romantic way. You say that you can't stand the feeling of happiness when you think of a girl: I just want to say that you can't help what makes you happy. Maybe most of your problems are coming from pushing away the things that make you happy? I know it's difficult, but I don't think you'll ever be happy while being with your husband. I just want you to know that there are people (like me) that wish you the best and hope that you get through this. Even though it may feel like you're alone, there are people rooting for you! (&&&)
I'm one of those people that don't know how I feel about stuff, so I just do it and see lol. I guess its that I just don't see myself with a man. I was never one of those kids the dreamed of prince charming. Deep down I feel like I am gay. I feel like I need to let my husband go so I can explore and find the answer. I can't keep going with these thoughts chasing me. Thinking about being sexual with a woman does not make me over the top happy. Its more like the thought of a woman in general. Ie. I could be having a rough day and I talk to one of my girlfriends and I'm just so happy to talk to her, any of my friends. I just don't want to be older and then decide hey I'm a lesbian, I'm leaving my husband. I more like want to blow it open now and if I'm wrong, I can always go back with men, but I don't feel like I'm wrong.
I don't think you should be so worried about labeling yourself as lesbian or straight. If the right person comes along, male or female, and it feels right, then go for it . Maybe all you need is some "girl time." Maybe hanging out with one of your lady friends for a day would help you relax? Sorry if I'm not helping; I want to help you so badly, but it is hard to think of advice when I'm not in your shoes!
Bob94, when I become friends with a woman they are all I think about, I only want to be with them. No one else matters, I don't enjoy time with others like my kids and I feel guilty. I understand happiness, but it seems to boarderline obsession. I haven't been around my friends in 8 years...I'd go out with them feel so happy and not want to go back home. I'm not worried about labels, I'm more worried about the future. Jeez I'm such a messed up person, I've never been able to friends with a guy. If I'm not attracted to them then I don't want anything to do with them (I know that sounds harsh). And being friends with my husband...i more like just want to be as far away from him as possible. Picturing him being intimate with someone else makes my heart ache. I'm also more worried about my husband, he deserves someone more into the relationship. Since finding this out I haven't been able to have sex/be close to him in 3 months.
I can picture having sex with a man again and it does turn me on, but I think its cause I'm seeing myself and my female parts that's really turning me on. If that makes any sense. Sorry to be graphic but I used to love watching my husband's penis inside me and seeing him going down on me. I used to think about what was being done to me. Right now I cannot picture a woman there, just can't...but I'm scared its cause female parts turn me on and I'm female...like I still fantasize about having sex with my husband. Just when I have to touch his penis I feel sick. When I watch porn I think of me and him. I think the only way to figure this out is to do it...like really go with it, with an open mind and see what happens...I can see myself touching a woman and going down on her out of curiousity but when it comes to touching me, I dunno. But I read that's a sign of homophobia, maybe I'm just internally homophobic.
I think you should wait till after your baby is born, just to make sure your hormones dont settle down and you end up regretting your decision, but then if you still feel the same way then you should make steps to leave your husband and investigate life with a woman.
