Hello. I allready posted this, but on a wrong place(Chit Chat) so here it is.This is my first post so let me introduce my self. I am Julijan, and I am from Bosnia. My english is not very good so sorry in advance. I have huge crush on one of my friends. But as usual, I don't know is he gay or bi. I know him for long time, but 2 mouths ago I started to like him so I wanted to meet him little better to see is he gay or bi. We spend a lot of time togother now. He had girlfriends and he is almoust all the time chating with texts with some girls. So I think he is probably not gay but he could be bi. Sometimes he makes eye contact and when he sees that I have noticed he just smiles and turns away or something. In last few days I noticed something more: When he takes of his shirt(sometimes I don't know why he do that at all) he looks at me to see my reaction. He is a "little" pervert. Sometimes he takes off all off his clothes and runes around in front of all people that are there in the moment. Once we were out with friends he said "Julijan look at this" and when I looked I saw he pulled out his penis(and it was erected) I know its funny than he said "touch it" ,ofc I didn't. Once when we were coming back from town and we were driving our friends home, he left them at their home and didn't turn right way(the one he took was longer and with worst road) and I said "where are you going", he said "you are going to suck my cock now"( I'm sorry for using this languge, but thats how he said it), I just folowed the joke, said "well , only if you love me" and laughed, then he said: "ofc it is with love, men" I stoped the joke and asked him(..this was kinda stupid...) "Can I ask you something", he said "I am not gay" and I said "no,no, did you ever think that I am gay, I will not be mad, you can say it", he said "yes", I asked "why", he said "well, I never saw you with girl before" I just made a fake smile and said "Well I think you are bi so we are even, are you bi?" and he said this "I don't know, man", then we had a 3 seconds of silence and then I made the most stupid question ever: "How is that you don't know?" and he said " I'm just kiding man" and then he started talking about something else.The problem is I don't even know does he understand what being bi means. Once, long time ago maybe 1 year, we were at his home with friend (it was somekind of party) and we started talking about homosexuals and stuff and he said "I am not sure what I am" but I think noone noticed exept me. Maybe it looks like he is somekind of pervert jerk but he has big heart, it's just that he is not showing it. I read lots of posts about finding out is someone gay, sometimes I think he definitly is and sometimes that he is just joking around. Sometimes I even think that he is testing me, trying to find out am I gay. I am thinking about coming out to him( he is not homophobic, what is rare here in Bosnia) and see what hapens. Thank for help.
Welcome, Julijan (cute name, by the way)! As he told you, he may really not know whether he's bi or not. If you feel comfortable enough with him, then coming out may not be a bad idea. Just make sure you can really trust him first; you don't want him to go around telling everybody, since you live in a homophobic area. I don't know what else to say, this is a tricky one! But he definitely sounds at least bi-curious to me.
I think he suspects that you are gay and that he mxight be a little curious and is looking for someone to test things out with. If you want to out yourself un that situation and have a 50/50 chance of having him not reciprocate ever again (if he does the first time) or having a potential mate, go right ahead.I would personally wait for another one of those situations to happen again and come out, but if they do not happen often then I'd suggest telling him you need to talk and come out to him.
Welcome! I think the best you can do is just come out to him.. if you guys are best friends then he won't judge you. Come out to him, see what he says, and asks him what he thinks about it. Couldn't hurt. Good luck
Hey Julijan! Welcome to Empty Closets. I think your friend is definitely bisexual. Or at least he is definitely not 100% straight. Have you heard of the Kinsey scale? If not, I think you should have a look at it. This is something Owen (one of the admins) suggested on another thread, and I think it is perfect for your case. Basically the idea is that very few people are exclusively straight or exclusively gay, and that's why I can, anyway, look at an attractive girl and know that they are very good looking. In fact, if the girl is very attractive, I may even want to have sex with her. So I suppose I would put myself at a 5 on the Kinsey Scale. But really, people are complicated, and sexuality in my eyes can't even be lumped into a scale from 0-6. There really are no dividing lines and it is more of a spectrum. So if I could, I would put myself at a 4.5 or something like that on the Kinsey scale, even though I really do consider myself gay. So how you could come out to your friend is by asking him if he has heard of the Kinsey scale and then showing him the image like this (you can Google Image search it) and pointing out where you are on the Kinsey scale. Make sure you explain it to him and what it's about, and then you can ask him where he is on the scale. From the sounds of it, it sounds like he is probably a 2 or a 3 on the scale. He could even be a 4. But let's get this straight (pardon the pun), he is definitely not a 0, and probably not a 1. Also, given that you're twenty, I know you're still young, but you are kind of past the whole experimenting phase of sexual development, which normally happens in the early to mid teens... so I don't think this is a case of him trying to figure out what he is, experimenting, and then being straight forever... I think he is almost definitely bisexual. Where I'm from, if someone my age (I'm 17) took out their erect penis and asked someone to touch it, there is no way on Earth that they would still be considered straight. Plus, from the sounds of it, someone doesn't take a long back road just to joke about someone giving them a blow job. That was his plan and when he said that it was 'with love' — to me it sounds like he meant it! Were you too nervous to continue? And plus, if he says that he doesn't know what he is or if he doesn't know whether he is bisexual, well then he is definitely questioning, and all you need to do is confirm it by showing him the Kinsey Scale. Please let us know how you get on!
Thank you all. Thanks for help, you opened my mind. I think I will come out to him when I get a chance. I just hope that he is not scared of his feelings. I will let you know what hapened.
Hope it works out for you. He is not straight in my opinion. He at the least is confused and maybe wanting to figure out his sexuality. If you do come out to him, just be careful not to get too attached to him if he does want to experiment. He might discover that being with another guy is not what is comfortable to him, and in that case, you could get hurt. Look after yourself before you look after him.
Hello people. I took me a lot but I did it. I came out to him 2 days ago. It was very good. First he said "Are you kiding me?" and then after I said I am sirius he said "ok, thats cool" and then he said "what did you think what my reaction will be? We are friend doesen't matter what you are". I just said " I don't know, ummm, do you have any questions?", then he asked me did I ever had boyfriend and for how lond I know that I am gay. It was late so we went home. Next day, when I got in car with him he asked me "How are you?". I said I am kinda happy cas I came out to him, then I asked him how he is and he answered "your sexual oriantation dosen't effect me so...". And then as alwaus my feeling make me stupid and make me do stupid things...I offered him a blowjob...Yes, thats what I did...He said "Please tell me you are kiding", and I said "Ok, forget it, sorry for making you uncomfortable" , he said "I am not that kind of men...", I said "it's ok, sorry again, I will not do that again". Then he said "You will find a boy for yourself (laughing)..." and I said " well I hope so...(laughing)...it went good in the end but I still regret I did that. From the time I came out to him he doesnt flirt with me anymore like before. And one more thing, maybe a week before I came out to him something hapend I thout he definitely likes me...We and one more friend were siting on bench in local park, and he started kissing my neck. He kissed me few times and then he placed his arm on my shoulder and kept it there for like 5 min. There was a lot of flirting all the time since it is summer and we hang out a lot. The problem is I am in love with him( I don't know how but it just hapend) and now I am realy depresed. I expected to much from this. On the other hand, I am happy he is so open minded and I have such a good friend. I am going somewhere else for a few weeks so I think it will help me get over it. I have a plan to go out to my mom and bro next week. Is that smart idea?
Hi. I still go to schoo and stuff and this is kinda awkwaaard but I reeaaaally fancy this boy in my year, we are close friends but he is kinda drifting away I don't want to keep chasing him incase he notices. At the same time I want him to know I am but it's really hard I have told two close friends (girls) and they are really supportive. I want to know if he is gay/bi but it's tricky, in first year of high skl this idiot was calling me gay and doing this stupid gay test on me an then I just jabbed him in the stomach with a pencil (he deserved it) and the boy I fancied said "r u ok? I didn't upset u did I? Coz I didn't call u gay." the he started going really red and after that he has just been drifting away...and I have to admit onl a few weeks ago, I cut myself coz I just couldn't cope with it any more (I have stopped) and when he found out he got upset and said that he really cares and worries about me. When I see him in skl he doesn't talk to me Or anything now. Please can anyone give me advice?
I dont think completely straight people kisses their guy friends on their neck repeatedly Most likely. Kinsey 1-2 maybe a three, just spend some alone time with him and see how things go And vinny copy your post and start a new thread.
Vinny click on forum, then find suport and advice section, enter it and you will see new thread button there. Good luck
I didn't see the part with your family If you think its a good idea then go for it, you said where you live is pretty homophobic, as long as there isnt too much of a physical threat of getting beaten or worse, then I would say come out to as manypeople as you can handle
It's ok, my bro loves me and my mom is great, I think that they will be ok with that I am gay. I will come out to them soon. Thank for your advices.Bye
