Hi, this is partly an introduction and partly a rant. Writing this made me a little sad. You'll see when you read it. Dear family, I know you won't accept me, but I'm gay. I never thought that a Christian could be gay, but here I am. You two are perfectly happy laughing at gay jokes or hanging out with gays, but when it comes to love, both of you cringe. A gay kiss on TV, and both of you turn away in disgust. A scene in The Birdcage, where a feminine gay man tries to act like a macho man, and both of you are laughing until your sides hurt. You both say that gays should control their emotions. I know for a fact that is impossible. If you really love someone, you want to be with them at all times. I don't want to live alone. I don't want to come home to a pet or two and not have someone in my life just because it's not a woman. You will probably quote Bible passages at me, saying why I shouldn't get a boyfriend. But I can't do that. I can't ignore my feelings and live alone. Sis, you found out about my first crush on a guy and flipped out. You tried to talk me out of it, saying that I couldn't like a guy like that. But I did. You said you want to be in my wedding, but you don't know there will be another man on the other side. If you find out, you probably won't want to talk to me again. And if you do, it will probably be about breaking up with my boyfriend and living alone. I've told a few of my friends. Every single one of them was accepting and supporting. They all love me for who I am. When it all started, they were there for me. They wanted to help see me through my rough time. I knew that you wouldn't see my perspective. All you would be able to see was your only son, loving another guy. You would get hung up on how wrong it seems. To me, I was in heaven. Just being with them made me happy. I wanted to hold them and never let them go. I had strong feelings for guys. Something more powerful than I had felt for any girl I liked. Even my only girlfriend. Sure, we were together, but we broke up. I never got the urge to call her, text her, or see her. The guys? I wanted and needed to be with them. Neither of them felt the same. It drove me to tears when I finally realized I couldn't be with them. You remember my crush on the popular girl? Remember I told her? We never made plans, but I didn't feel sad. It just faded. Even my girlfriend, the feelings had started to fade over time. Both of my crushes on guys lasted three months each. Something I never expected. This is me in the closet from all three of you. You won't react well if this letter makes it to you, but I hope that when you do find out, you will accept and love me. I'm getting more comfortable every day. I didn't choose this. I never chose to love a guy. It just happened. Try to see me as your son. Try to see me as your pride and joy. The closet door is locked. Please give me a chance to open it. Love, The only gay in the family
My two cents: you have a lot of horrible experiences with their homophobia. Everyone who comes from a conservative family has similar experiences. But dwelling on them and telling your family members what they will and will not think and feel when they learn this news is NOT, I repeat NOT the way to come out to someone. It will automatically put them on the defensive. They will react negatively to your perceived aggression before they react to the news that you're gay. Keep it short. Very short. And keep it simple. Concentrate on what your experience has been (how u know) and what you want in life. Reiterate that you want them to be a part of your life. You can't expect them to react in love if you don't first approach them the same way. Best wishes, carm.
Well, this is less of an actual letter to them and more of just me writing what I think. I really don't plan on telling them until after college, and that's still a big maybe.
Oh, and statistically you're not the only gay in the family. My brother came out to me as bi, two seconds before he disowned me for being gay. And my mom...we don't know what she is, except she sure isn't straight!! That doesn't mean she'll label herself. And my grandma, and another cousin who wrote to tell me that she has "ungodly thoughts" - just like me. And then there's the other cousin who still won't admit to being lesbian-just questioning- but swears off guys forever. The closeted gay ppl are the harshest. Just be happy to know that u are farther along in the process than they are. And know you will be a beacon for questioning people and expect ppl to out themselves to u in confidence. People care more about how you treat them than if you agree with them. That goes both ways. Live by it and it will serve you very well. ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2012 at 04:45 PM ---------- Sometimes it feels good to just write it and get it off our chest, huh? Even if we don't mean to send it.
Yeah. It felt good to write it out. But it also made me a little upset. But I'm pretty sure I'm the only homosexual. There is one of my cousins and we aren't sure about her... but that's it.
Oh my, I know where you're coming from. This is very similiar to a letter I wrote my parents in tears one night. I didn't give it to them either, I decided it was too emotion and ended up going with a more balanced letter. For me things turned out great, my parents were such a surprise. They said they loved me, accepted me, AND supported me! And they are both souther baptist Christians who have both been grossed out by gay scenes on TV, and made it very clear that they believe homosexuality is wrong. People can surprise you. Don't give up hope. If they don't respond how you'd like, how they should, then it doesn't mean you can't live a long, happy life yourself. It's their problem, not yours. You can only be a good example, just be you, and leave it at that. I'm soryr about your sister, but you never know people have changed thier minds many times before. Especially if it's someone they love and they've had time to get used to it. I agree that you're probably not the only LGBT+ person in your family, everyone has secrets. Don't worry, you'll get there. I know writing these letters can be hard, they do make you sad, but they also help get things off your chest as you wait for the day you really can tell them open and honestly who you are.
Your family gave me a lot of hope. And it really felt good writing all that down. Of course, that won't get to them. I would prefer sitting down with them.
Hmm, I made alot of typos in my post up there. Won't let me edit... this is not good for someone like me. Anyway... I'm glad it did, I hope your family surprises you too. You tell them when you're ready, it'll be okay, whatever happens. <3
