Alright, so on my 14th birthday me and my 4(5 now) year old little sister were messing around and she ended up bashing her head off of my bedside table. It was bad... there was so much blood. It was everywhere. And I know now that it scarred me. I started thinking about it all the time. How many ways there are to die. How if I could have moved faster I could have saved her. How my friends could get hurt like that as well... I don't want anyone I care for to get hurt. I scares me, a lot. I lose sleep over it. I am almost always thinking about it and its been more than a year now. I just told my friend about it and because she is in therapy she can get me in if I want to. Now, does anyone know the protocol for this: My mom cant know. She'll think I'm doing it for attention and I'm making it up. I'm not. I actually want help with this. So is there a way my friends mom can take me without my mom knowing? My other questions are: Do you think I should? Do I need it? Am I just being dramatic? Thanks for reading. Please, if you can, help.
It sounds like you could have some sort of anxiety issue regarding your sister's accident - but that's a complete layman's opinion. In any case, judging from your post, it's gone beyond simple guilt - you're extending the concern to others who haven't gotten hurt, and you're losing sleep over it, so it's clearly impacting your ability to function normally over a long period of time (a good indicator that help may be beneficial). Counselling might be a good idea. If your friend can get you in, then go for it - it won't hurt, in any case. Out of curiosity, why can't your mom know? Would she not let you go? Parental approval may be required at some point, in any case - but is it possible that an initial visit and encouragement from a professional could convince your mom to let you go?
Hey Jordash, It sounds like you may be experiencing some post-traumatic stress. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist (but I want to become a doctor and specialise in psychiatry), but I do work part-time in a clinic that deals with these kind of problems. So while I have a small bit of experience, I'm definitely not an expert either! To answer your questions: Not legally. You're still a minor, and where I am anyway, you need consent for treatment from your parents. I suppose that your friend's mom could pretend to be your mom or something like that, but that's not ethical and probably not legal. So I don't recommend it. How do you know what your mom's reaction will be? If you explain to her that you've been losing sleep over it and that it has really affected you, maybe she might come around. Yes, I think you should, and I think you do need it. If it's something that you continually re-experience and if you lose sleep over it, it seems that it is impairing what is known as your "important areas of functioning". Plus, normally these kind of things pass after a month or two, but a year is a long time to be dealing with something. Look, things effect people in different ways. This kind of thing may not bother some people and they might get over it quickly, while other things which may not affect you very much may affect them. People are complicated and no-one is the same. So no, I don't think you're being dramatic. This is something that's really affecting you, and wanting to deal with it is not being dramatic at all. Plus, you don't want to draw attention to it by not telling your mother, so I don't know how you could be seen as being dramatic. Also, any wound to the head is quite scary. There are a lot of blood vessels in the head and they're very close to the skin, so there is a lot of blood, even with small cuts. I know your friend is currently in therapy. What type of therapist is she dealing with? They may not be the kind of therapist that is best suited to dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.). Preferably, you should be looking for a clinical psychologist who practices a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.) which has been proven to be very effective for P.T.S.D. When looking for a Clinical Psychologist, there are a number of questions and steps you should take. I posted a similar checklist in another thread: I hope this helps!
You are not just being dramatic. Sometimes our brains obsess over things that they shouldn't, and sometimes getting them to stop obsessing over these things is next to impossible. Talking to others helps, or you can try to gradually talk yourself out of thinking about it (if you're a more introspective person). Do you absolutely need therapy? Not necessarily, as long as you don't think of hurting yourself or anyone else (and it sounds like you're not) and you are otherwise able to function. However, therapists are often the best people to talk to because they are a) more objective than friends and family and b) more likely to react with patience and tolerance and not with emotion. The first allows them to give better advice, while the second reduces the chances of you getting hurt. If you feel like your anxiety is taking over your life, then you should definitely see a therapist. Does your school have a counselor? Most schools have a counselor who handles students' personal issues, like family and emotional trouble, and I think you can see him or her without your parents needing to know. However, I'm not entirely sure, and it might vary from school to school, so you would want confirmation that this is a viable option before going through with it.
I don't think my mom would let me go because she would tell me I'm just seeking attention. Well, I guess I don't know for a fact that she would say that but... I guess I don't know what she would say. I have no idea actually. But I really don't want her to know. I have no idea how to ask. I don't know what I would say...
Has your mother accused you of just wanting attention recently? If not, then you should definitely try talking to her first. Sometimes people gain more understanding with time. However, I do know that this isn't always the case. Your school is probably your best choice, though even that might be a little iffy.
She hasn't accused me of wanting attention, like, ever. I perfer to be a wall flower. I just don't talk to my mom much... not about emotional stuff like this. I would see the therapist at school, but its summer vacation...
You could start by just repeating what you initially posted. If you're not out to her, then of course showing her the website wouldn't work, but you could either just say those things to her, or write them to her, or otherwise express those thoughts/words to her. I think it was a pretty clear statement that you feel like some sort of intervention is needed. It seems like you want to hide this from her for some reason though - do you think that she would prevent it from happening, even knowing that it could be helpful for you? Or do you think she would somehow belittle your feelings on the issue? Is there any way to convince her that you're not just seeking attention, or does she have a history of responding to you that way, whether justified or not?
Well, my sisters are attention seekers. I'm very happy just being the average kid, drawing attention to myself really isn't what I do. So because of my sisters (They're 17, 11, and 5 year olds) my mom just freaks out about everything. Like really bad. One time my sister forgot to take a soda can downstairs so my mom poured what was left of it on her bed while she was in it... I don't want her to act harsh to me. Frankly, I'm scared of her. I don't know what she'd say, so I'm scared to ask. One time my sister and I were messing around and we dropped a hat on her foot, she called us b*tches and w*ores and other unkind names. It was a few years ago, but it still scares me. She yells for no reason and drinks, a lot. I have this rule, that as long as she doesn't speak to me, I shouldn't speak. I'm quiet, I always have been. I guess why I'm telling you all these pointless stories is because the reason I won't ask for therapy is because I'm terrified of getting my mother upset with me. (sorry if this was all over the place...)
Actually, I don't think they're pointless at all. In fact I'm starting to think that your mother might be the source of your guilt. If you'll forgive a pop-psychologist moment here, it sounds like your mother displays a lot of angry behavior, and even though you never seem to trigger it (all your stories here are of your sisters, and you say that "drawing attention to yourself isn't really what you do"), you might be adapting to "make sure" (so to speak) that you won't trigger it. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that your mom said something to you after your sister hurt her head? And that you probably remember what it was? I would try to either get into your friend's counselor, if you're able, or talk to the school guidance counselor. Even if school is out of session, they'll still be able to meet with you if you say you want to. Is either of those something you think you could do?
Then I think you are doing yourself a disservice by saying mom won't let me so i won't ask. You need help, and most moms recognize that a lack of functioning is a cry for help and will call right away! don't wait, go ask! ---------- Post added 29th Jun 2012 at 02:32 AM ---------- i see how you are scared of her, read that. but this is important, so give it some serious thought, or seek online for helpline.
