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are you starting to love what you used to fear or dislike?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Deaf Not Blind, Jun 27, 2012.

  1. Deaf Not Blind

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    i have had moments of sincere love for the word Queer, and even felt I cherish a book about it, which helps young people recognize and start to come into being themselves.

    i also wrote to my Catholic priest friend to his reply to our conversation about me being transman, that i do pray God will make my body male, not make my mind a Woman's mind, as they sometimes irritate me how they think, and i really like my male mind, talents, and how i help others with it (like fixing and building things for the girls in my life). i told him basically i don't want to be fixed...unless it was to wake up a cis-man. so i am not denying to myself i love my mind and soul which God made in His image in male form, and that it is not a sin at all.

    i love my masculinity, when i was asked last night if i could get a bottle open for a woman, and i did it with my own bare hands, i signed for my roomy i am strong in a masculine boastful way, and i got all the praise and smiles i needed for my ego. i felt so proud how i can help. it only makes me want my body to be more male so i can help women more who need me.

    i used to feel very uncomfy with photos of homosexuals kissing, but now if i see one of 2 men or 2 women it actually went from being disgusting to being in my heart a feeling of joy for them, of admiration, of hope for myself, and look lovely and happy. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?

    all things gay related, no matter how far out, do not have the homophobia it did before. it feels like just variations of an expression of virility and sexuality that is bold and unique to them. i feel i am traveling down a path somewhere and homosexuals will have a friend not an enemy in me now. i no longer oppose gay marriage, i signed to get in passed in my state. WHAT THE HECK?

    why is it i love and cherish and adore and enjoy more and more and more things i used to stay far away from?

    ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2012 at 10:28 PM ----------

    oh and i oppose abortion, but it sure seems i am going from quite far right to far passed center into liberalism. WHAT THE??
     
  2. secretguyX

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    You seem like that you yourself are becoming happier, and therefore are becoming more open-minded about other things. That's great though! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Deaf Not Blind

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    YES! I have suddenly realized this week I was "open-minded" and before I have always opposed the word itself! Im able to care more deeply, empathize where there was previously no sympathy, and open to all ideas I had kept shut out.

    And I am faaaar happier now, for some strange reason. If I am wrong about being trans, how can all this joy and peace be in me, and if gays are evil why are my closest sweetest friends gays and I feel no evil emanating from them, I feel it from those who oppose their rights?

    How can I still closeted be an advocate for homosexual rights?
    I think I want to change teams...to fight for them not agains them. Weird.
     
  4. solarcat

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    I may be wrong (it might depend on what topics you're becoming more open- minded on), but maybe it comes from learning about it yourself and coming up with your own, personal views as opposed to reflecting the views you were raised with.

    So as you're interacting with people, and learning about them as people and individuals rather than a faceless group, you put aside what people may want you to believe and take up your own beliefs. And in the same way that we may remind you that we're all human, people like you remind us that Christians (among other faiths) are people too, with their own opinions.

    Basically, you (and I) are realizing that cats and dogs don't have to fight.

    There's nothing wrong, as far as I can tell, with wanting to help people.
    While it may be hard to justify to others, especially your community, without giving yourself away, the Bible has many passages encouraging aid, fellowship, and love- even for enemies.

    Proverbs 15:17
    Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
     
  5. Deaf Not Blind

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    I looked it up different version for me to get it:
    Proverbs 15:17 The Message (MSG)
    17 Better a bread crust shared in love, than a slab of prime rib served in hate.
    OHHHHH!
    so I can do a little good in love...which is far greater than offering a lot of fake goodness and being filled with hate.

    also, I think I awakened something that some of my "firm beliefs" were actually just trying to obey others' beliefs, and when I grasped what I am is not bad it is me, and they should not hate me, then I found that those beliefs never were mine! They fell off, and I found I had real beefs of my own hidden inside that were even opposite of what I was told.

    I believe firmly in love all...I have a saying I can't post here but anybody PM me i will tell. It was made maybe a decade ago! It actually shows me now, duh, I can like girls or guys, whatever, it is not wrong for us to love!

    Strange how I subconsciously was outing my real beliefs and I couldn't even know them.

    Now I keep waiting to find out what else I believe in. I keep eating to see what feelings I express, what else I have repressed. It is like a bond ball of tea, when emerged in hot water, it opens itself, and blossoms into a free shape that looks good as it tastes.