Bisexuals/Lesbians

I think it's usually easier to come out to girls if you're a guy, and vice versa. When they are the same gender there's often some of that "how do I act now" stuff, while when it's the opposite sex, they seem more accepting most of the time.

Coming out to your friends is always going to create a bit of stress, but nothing a good friend can't handle. However, you should never come out in anger.

Feel free to post away here, we're all glad to hear and help. (*hug*)

 

Honestly, it seems like there's a reasonable chance she's attracted to you, though it's true that girls are usually pretty close to each other. I'd say you should probably tell her you're bi and see how she reacts. If you're lucky, she'll be too... if you're not, I think she'll be OK with it, since she said herself she'd want to be to annoy her parents. Either way, it sounds to me it shouldn't hurt to at least tell her you're bi. Just my opinion though!

 

It sounds like she may have been trying to hint to you that she is bi, or thinks she might be, although I think you are the best judge of that.

There is one of my friends who I have quite liked who I have come out to (only to discover that she *is* completely straight) - but I did not tell her that I liked her. I felt that that should come later, *of and only if* she were to, in reciprocation, come out as bi/lesbian to me. I have in fact discussed this problem with one of my other friends - of how, when you come out to a friend of the same sex (in my case female), to make it clear that you coming out to them is not a prelude to you telling them that you are in love with them. I think that because coming out to someone is such an intimate act, it is very easily assumed by the person that you are coming out to that you have a crush on them. With friends who you don't feel about that way, you can just say, "by the way, just so you know, I haven't a crush on you, no offence" [cue laughing], or something similar.

With someone you *do* like, I would suggest only coming out to them first, and only intimating to them that you feel that way about them if they then come out to you, or they continue their flirty behaviour with you once they know you are bi/gay. I have only just started to come out to friends so I don't really have any advice as to how it affects your relationships with your friends. But I know that I, myself, would not tell someone that I liked them at the same time as telling them I am gay. If you tell them you are gay, then pay them lots of attention later on, then they can get the idea slowly.

But, that said, I am extremely shy, so I would never tell *anyone* that I liked them, even if they were a guy. But I think that you should tell her, or start dropping hints, that you might be bi - and see where it goes.

Good luck!!

 

When I came out I did it at my own pace. Called up my friends one at a time and pretty much said, "Guess what? I'm gay!" Ok...that's kinda cheesy but it got the point across. Luckily for me, my friends and most of my family are very tolerant and some of them are bi.

For me it was kinda stressful because I was in such denial for years. If I had it my way, I would of had a sort of coming out gathering and told everyone at once. Maybe if you did something like that it would avoid the whole crush on your friend issue.

 

I realise you probably have all the good advice you could need on this particular subject (as I gather from the wonderful responses so far) but I feel obligated to respond to this because I have been in a almost identical situation.

I started to have this crush on one of my friends a couple years ago. She came from a very conservative Christian family but didn't agree with them entirely on the subject of homosexuality. I'd had a crush on her for a while before I told my friends that I was bi. I told them all at once, which I highly recommend doing, because then there is always bound to be someone supportive in the group. Like you, I also wasn't sure if the girl I had a crush on was gay or bi but I had my suspicions. Sometimes it seemed like she was flirting with me, other times, purely platonic. After I came out, the flirting started to happen a lot more. Then one night during a sleepover, after getting me to admit that I thought she was cute (understatement of the summer), she indirectly (although very distinctly) told me that the feeling was mutual.

Unfortunately I can't tell you that there was a happy ending to this story, as she decided she was too dedicated to her religion to have a relationship with a woman (ouch). But it just goes to show that it's not always just wishful thinking. Of course, I wouldn't get your hopes up too much (the higher you are the farther you fall), but it's definitely worth a shot. Like I said before, I think coming out to your friends together is a good way to do it. And you know what? If they stop wanting to be friends with you because you were brave and told them about your sexuality, well, they don't deserve you.

 

That's okay. It's not an easy thing to do. Wait until you're ready, you don't want it to be something you regret, it should be a good thing.
We'll always be here to support you.

 

I dont know, i think people will always feel too scared to come out, or too unprepared or too something, but i think it is just the pressure of being in the closet that one day you wake up and u just snap and say f* this bullshit im getting outta here. thats basically how i did it.

Coming out to the girlfriends that i was closest to was the hardest, because yeah i expected them to be all like"...those times we...that was just for fun right?? u dont really want me right...cause i was just playing" cause girls are close in weird ways sometimes, but in all actuality they were like yeah, kinda saw taht coming. lol. i guess i am nice and open and obvious.

someone once told me that they thought that 98% of females are atleast bi sexual, and that some are more in denial about it then others, lol and from my group of girls that i known, i have found it to be true, even the straight ones usually try it. you could always try to out her the same way one of my friends outted me, we were out and had a few to drink and she just kissed me. i was in shock at first and pulled away, so she came at me again and i gave in, and thats how that went. we just skipped the awkward conversation and went straight to that. not that is heathy or a good way to do it, but it skipped over our shyness.

theres always a chance of risking the friendship, cause after said encounter that line gets blurred. but if you guys are good friends then it shouldnt matter and the friendship will over come anything else. plus, no one likes to live their lives with "what ifs"

its okay to come out one at a time, or all at once, or how ever you are most comfortable, and it sometimes goes well and it sometimes doesnt, but it will show you who your good friends are and it will show you who you are. there are no rules. you come out how you want to who you want at the pace you want and in doing that you are doing no one a disfavor. remember we are all here to help, advice or a sholder or whatever you need! you can usually find me in the chatroom any time.

good luck!!