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Is it not right?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Samus610, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. Samus610

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    You see I was filling out this application for this trip to Israel and I said I wonder if they would mind having a gay jew on the trip(I'm bi). And my mom said "Sam I don't think you're gay. You have a boyfriend. And to go around and say that you're bi isn't right. And it's not fair to Jason." "And I said mom I'm bi." And this is the only thing she could say "Then break up with him." Now you need to understand that my boyfriend has no problem with gay people. He doesn't hate them. And it doesn't freak him out that I'm bi. He's totally cool with it. But is it not right that I'm bi? I have also been questioning it a lot lately. Maybe I'm not. I mean I'm not attracted to any of the girls in my school. But I really don't have the pick of the litter. But I think certain women are sexy. Is it not right to do this to my boyfriend? Should I really do what my mom says and break up with him? Cause I don't want to. I truly and deeply love him. What should I do.?:help: :help: :help: :help:
     
  2. Alexander

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  3. acorn7

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    It's normal to find other women hot — I find plenty of girls cute even though I wouldn't get in bed with them. So that doesn't necessarily mean you're bi... but that not really the issue here.

    Basically, you think you're bi and you know more than anyone what you are.
    Your boyfriend knows.
    Your boyfriend is totally OK with it.
    You love him.

    I can only ask myself, "why in the world would you break up with him?". If he didn't know you were bi, then maybe it wouldn't be fair. But he knows and he's OK with it, so that's awesome.

    And if you find that you're not as attracted to girls as much as you thought, hey, whatever. If he's accepted you as bi, I doubt he'll have a problem with the straighter you. It looks like you have a great boyfriend... enjoy it :slight_smile:
     
  4. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I think it is right that you are bi, if you think you are bi.

    At present I think of myself as Bi - although the term I use, and the term I use (and explain to people) whenever I've come out is "potentially bisexual". By this I mean that I *know* that I am capable of maintaining a long-term monogomous relationship with either a man or a woman *without* feeling something is missing or wanting someone of the opposite gender to the one I have. What I mean is, I find that explaining that I am *potentially bisexual* ie, that I have the potential to form *the* big relationship of my life with either gender - whilst NOT being bisexual when in a relationship, is helpful.

    Although I am yet to discover whether I'm actually totally gay or bi, what I prefer to think of myself at present is:

    "potentially bisexual who at any one point is either gay or straight"

    ie if I ever have a girlfriend, I will think of myself as "potentially bisexual who is currently gay, and gay for all of the foreseeable future, perhaps forever". Ok, long-winded, but that's how I see it - hope it helps!!
     
  5. Owen

    In Loving Memory Full Member

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    So, just because you like both men and women means that you are mistreating your boyfriend? If you have a girlfriend, your mom might say "Sam, it's not fair to her that you are bi. You should break up with her." If you love Jason and he loves you for who you are, then I see no reason why you should break up with him.

    As for your confusion, don't let your mom get to you. If you knew you were bi before she talked to you, then you probably are. Only you know the answer for sure, but if you are sexually attracted to men and women, then you are probably bi.
     
  6. Louise

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    I think you probably understand your feelings towards girls better than your mum. I don't think she has really grasped what being bi-sexual means.

    I don't mean to critisize your mum in anyway so I apologise if I upset you here but I think your mum is wrong and shouldn't have told you to break up with your boyfriend.

    Maybe you need to educate your mum on what being bi-sexual means, she seems to have some misconcieved ideas.

    As for your sexuality if you find both men and women physically and emotionally attractive and feel that you would enjoy haveing sex with either gender at some given time in your life then you are bi. That you have a boyfriend at the moment and love him lots doesn't make you 100% heterosexual. It's just that you don't want another relationship at the moment boy or girl coz you are already in one.

    As for your boyfriend, he is fine with the situation, you are neither cheating on him or lying to him so I can't honestly see in what way this is unfair to him.
     
  7. CrimsonThunder

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    Wait a minute, your mum wants you to break up with your boyfriend because your bi?

    That just doesn't make sense!
     
  8. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    There is a good booklet on the PFLAG website on bisexuality. You should get it for your mom immediately! Download it here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf

    It is totally unreasonable for her to ask you to break up with your boyfriend. As other people have pointed out, you are happy with him and happy together. You are honest with him and yourself. The only person with a problem is your mother.
     
  9. Bader

    Bader Guest

    /nod @ Becky