Hello. I'm new to this.. I've been thinking a lot lately about my sexuality. I've been confused for a long time. But I believe I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm bisexual/pan-sexual. I have a few reasons. When I was younger I was confused too. Everyone told me that you can only like girls. But It wasn't like that for me. Around 8th grade I had a few guy friends. There was one that I was particularly interested in. At first I didn't like him, but we became good friends and I developed a crush on him. There was a time where we watched a movie together and I subtly tried to snuggle with him. Of course at the time I didn't know what to think of the feelings... I would have been in denial then and I am having trouble accepting that I am bisexual now. Over the course of highschool (I finished my final year this year) I've dated people. I've had girlfriends, it was nice, I enjoyed it. But I've never had a boyfriend. There are guys I crushed on over highschool though. And well, I never really accepted the fact that I could be bi-sexual. I think I feared people would bully me/not accept me and I had other problems already, so this thought just made it worse. and here I am now. I met a really nice guy. We talked for a long time and I've fallen deeply in love with him. I cannot deny my feelings for him. I didn't know if he was bisexual, but I had a heart to heart with him and I confessed my feelings to him. Now, before all this I was horribly depressed, there were relationships I had with girls that ended up badly and overall it was just a bad experience for me. I know he had gone through similiar issues, we have lots in common. anyways I'm sort of getting off subject, point is, I confessed my feelings to him. It was difficult, I wasn't at terms with my own sexuality. It was "Weird" for me to have these feelings for him. STRONG feelings. and well, he told me he felt the same way. I don't think I've ever been more happy in my life. However.. I am deathly afraid of what my friends will think of me when they know I'm dating a guy. They casually throw the word "fag" and use gay as an insult. I'm scared I will lose my friends. I'm already picked on for being femanine, it'd be all the much worse I think if they knew.. I don't know what to do.. I want to come out, I hate having to hide this. I need to be honest with myself and the people around me.
he feels same?! lucky! well, i am struggling with what i am, not out yet, starting to wish for it, and confused. tonight i was back and forth. i was with a girl in private i fantasize being with as a bf, but when together we are just friends. but when we took pix on a stroll near the beach, she put her head near mine showing them to me, and my hormones kicked in, first time i felt like just turn your face and kiss her fool! no i did not. but that happened every time. I'm changing. i hope you are very happy together with your 1st bf, in your gay relationship. i only wish to be so lucky.
Hi! Welcome to Empty Closets! Congratulations on finding someone! It's wonderful to find that, even though it's so hard to have to have it as a secret. How does your guy feel about coming out? Because it's a secret for him, too, right? If you have the same friends, it's going to be hard for one of you to come out and not the other one. Not impossible, but difficult--and of course, if either of you is still closeted, the relationship will have to remain secret. Also, you should both realize that coming out is not really an all-or-nothing thing. You just start with one person--someone you pick carefully. (You have both already come out to at least one person, because you came out to each other.) It's okay to take a little time to just work on accepting yourselves and each other. Have the two of you talked about your sexuality at all? Talking about it with someone accepting can make a big difference. When you think about coming out to your friends, think of them individually, instead of as a mass. Have you had serious discussions with any of them about gay people or gay rights or anything like that? People say a lot of crap sometimes that they don't even really mean--it's just a way of seeming cool or something. If you actually talk about the issue seriously, sometimes people have a totally different opinion than you would expect. For now, just take it one person at a time.
He told me I was lucky. That I was lucky he wasn't normal, that we wouldn't be talking if it was someone normal. How he feels about his sexuality; I don't know. He's confused, he's as confused as I am really. It's weird for both of us. I don't know if he wished the relationship stay secret but It is kind of painfully obvious that we care about each other. I'd rather it not be secret. I'd be nice for people to know, honestly. But, for his sake It's up to him really. He's my first legitimate boyfriend and well, I'm his too. In fact, I may be his first serious relationship? He's iffy on being open on it too, if his dad found out I'm sure he wouldn't approve. As for me, I don't have a father figure in my life and never have. My aunt is my caretaker and I'm sure she'd be understanding about my sexuality. But.. my family.. probably not. They're christian and believe gay is wrong (but I don't know if they are lineant on this sort of thing, I can't say I know for sure if they believe it's wrong). I know for a fact my nephew looks up to me and if he found out I was bisexual and I'm dating a guy he would be extremely shocked. Would probably stop looking up to me. I've begun to open up to some of my friends. I had a serious discussion about gay rights and other thing with a friend of mine. He said he was opposed to marriage all around, but he had good reasons for it. He seems acceptive of me. I'm going to talk to another friend of mine who's had relations with a guy himself. He's generally supportive so it'll help me with this. I really don't know how I'd go about telling my family, that'd be the hardest part...
yep, indeed, I'm a Christian too. I know that everybody likely has somebody at least secretly watching and admires them, looks up as a role model. So what we say and do as human beings does affect others not just ourselves. So my hopes and prayers are with you this will get better in time. No rush, right?
First, you like someone and he likes you back, so you want to share your feeling with the whole world and don't want to hide anything, I understand. I would feel the same way too. Believe me, my imagination is top-notch. OK, from what you posted I gather that you are in college/university now? If so I think you are old enough to decide things for yourself, so if your family disapprove or even disown you, you still have a say in the matter. But I understand your problem. Family is important too, and I'd rather hide it from them if it means not losing them. You should tell your aunt. You live with her so that may make you feel more at ease. Hide from the rest of the family. They don't need to know, at least for now. Wait till your nephew grows up, hopefully he will be more understanding. Now, about your friends, they don't seem like good friends at all (from what you said). If they're homophobic, you'll lose them in the long run anyway. The only problem is they could bully you if they find out, and they may even tell everyone else. You should look into your friends more before deciding anything. OK, your crush. You should talk to him and consider the pros and cons of coming out. He may want to but for reasons you listed he can't, then you shouldn't make him. You guys can work out a secret kind of relationship.:icon_wink Coming out could be a risk because there's no going back. I think you should wait until you're confident enough about yourself and that you're strong enough to withstand all the possible hate from the world. It could be much easier if your family are supportive, but since they aren't, you shouldn't make your life harder. Only tell those who you really trust (like your aunt). You seem desperate to have your love accepted. There are more ways to express love. And you really should talk to your boyfriend. I'm not even sure if I'm giving a good advice, but I think you should wait. Now doesn't seem like the right time.
If you think your aunt would be accepting, you could talk to her about it. How old is your nephew? Kids are usually pretty accepting, actually. They are still learning things about the world anyway, and if the kid likes you, they are more likely to change their opinion about gay people than to change their opinion about you. I don't know if I think there are any good reasons to oppose marriage equality, but it's good that your friend didn't seem hateful. You should definitely talk to your friend who's "had relations with a guy." It sounds like he could possibly use someone to talk to about it himself.
I believe my sister, my aunt and a few others would be accepting. I know for a fact my nephew wouldn't. He uses gay and fag as insult, and he's a christian and believes being gay is wrong. This saddens me deeply because I care a lot for him. I've known him since he was very little and we're good friends. I would want to tell him if it wasn't for the fact it would likely change the way he sees me. My nephew is 15. He is rather accepting, you're right on that part but... I believe he is homophobic. There's a reason my friend opposes it, he opposes it all together. He's a bit strange but he accepts me for who I am. I'm also going to talk to my friend who has had relations with another guy soon. @Nightrain I really really do want to share it with the world. I've never been more happy in my life. He's such an amazing guy. Makes me feel like I'm worth something. I couldn't ask for more.. I am currently taking college classes. Yes. I feel I am old enough to make my own decisions too. But.. I don't particularly want to tell my family. A small margin of them are likely only to be acceptable of my choices. as for my friends, I know they joke like that. It's not as if they overuse it. I ditched most of my friends who were a bad influence on me. (I.E. did drugs, drank, etc). The ones that are left are my close friends. They joke like that to fit in I believe. I don't blame them either... we aren't exactly popular or anything. I struggle to be accepted as a normal person let alone if I was open about my sexuality.. I don't even want to think what mean things people could say. But, my feelings for this guy are pretty overwhelming, It'd be a big lift taken off if I did come out of the closet with people. I'm a bit worried about him coming out too. I really really don't think his father will be accepting of it at all. His mom probably would. I don't want to put him through any pain... I would feel awful..
He talked about himself as not being "normal," so you shouldn't blame yourself. Obviously, he was already who he is before you met. If he has a hard time when he comes out, that is something that would have happened anyway. It's not your fault. You don't want to rush him into something he's not ready for yet, though. Personally, I think you are both lucky to have found each other. He's lucky you were brave enough to say something, since it sounds like he probably wouldn't have. Is your sister the mother of the nephew? Since you think she will be accepting, maybe you could tell her, and then she will help you figure out how to deal with it with her son. The most likely thing to happen is that it will make him uncomfortable for a little while, and then he'll get over it. Most of the time, people ultimately change their views about homosexuality rather than their opinions of people they love. It may take some time, but in the end, people who know you know you from their direct experience, while their opinions about homosexuality are based on more abstract ideas. For most people, the direct, real life experience of knowing you will win over contrary teachings from religion. Is he finished with high school also? Maybe you could just wait a little while, and the two of you both work on accepting your sexuality yourselves. Are you going to college? Will you be in the same place next year? If you are going to college, you could possibly be out at school. A lot of people use the college years to get comfortable with themselves and with being out to people at all, before coming out to people back at home.
