My friends are jerks

If you come out to them and they truly don't accept you for it... well then you'll know that it was right to weed them out of your life. If they're your true friends, they'll have no problem with your sexuality. Sure, they will probably call you the F word, but it sounds like it's just friendly joking among friends.

 

Back when I was in church I was friends with one of the guys and we were pretty close friends. I knew this guy since I was 8 years old and when we hit high school he started making fun of me all the way to first year of university. It sucked bc I left church every Sunday feeling like absolute crap. I didn't even know I was gay at the time, but getting teased every week for a good number of years sure didn't help.

Eventually I stopped going to church all together bc I had enough of feeling like crap. After I came out I went back to church from time to time, but the friendship that was once there when we were kids sure wasn't there anymore.

I am sorry I don't have good news to give you. I simply made new friends bc surrounding yourself with crappy people or people that may not understand you will only put you down. And at a such a vulnerable time in your life (coming out) you need to find support and allies. And I am happy I didn't turn to the people that will burn me instead.

 

I know how you feel Neutrality, I have the same dynamic with my friends. Recently my one friend has taken to calling another gay (he sure isn't), constantly. Now I am expected to join in the fun of course but its kinda tough, coz I'm gonna have to come out to them eventually and what do I say then? "Sorry dude, I was just making fun of you for something that I am." I think if you guys are that comfortable with each other, then surely they wont give a damn and will in fact just poke more fun at you If not, then move on.

 

I get the whole friendship dynamic with you and your friends. That's how it is with my best straight male friend. It made things difficult when I was in the closet and he'd keep calling my a "flaming faggot" among other things though. Jokingly of course.

Do you think you'd be able to joke back if they said something which in turn reveals that you're gay? Seeing as how that's kind of how your friendship works? I can't think of an example. This is really lame, but it's all I can think of right now. It's not even a joke. But, if they said you were gay or checking out a guy. Just say "Yeah, so what? I was also checking out your mom last night!"

I dunno, haha. Question though. I know your friends are all jokes all around. But, do they only make gay jokes with you, or do they do it with everyone kind of thing? Because thinking back on it, I was the one who the gay jokes were directed at, aside from saying to a few other guys "Dude, you're so gay." type thing. I don't know if it was coincidence, or that they did suspect something. But, maybe they do suspect something?

Nowadays, the jokes are still there, but the bond is much stronger. So, I hope that everything works out in the coming out process for you!

 

Hmm, it's definitely possible that they already suspect it, especially if you don't deny it in the jokes. I like the joke you made about the waiter flirting with you. Haha!

I mean, like with your black friend, he gets the black jokes. That's like my native friend. And then the fat friend gets the fat jokes. Etc. So, perhaps in a way they know, so you're the butt of the gay jokes? Just like I was.

I think though, they almost sound like they would be supportive, and might even just joke about it afterwards. Or you could direct a joke about the whole thing if there's any tension after you come out.

Sorry about your other friend moving away though.

As far as coming out, that's up to you. If you do it with the lot, it's just going to be like peeling off a Band-Aid, just quick and fast, and get the thing over with, then it's all done with for the most part. I just don't know the entire dynamic of all your friends. So I can't judge. But, if you're all over playing video games, or watching a show or something. Just crack a joke. Seeing as how your friends aren't quite the emotional bunch, one-on-one might just be too "gay." If you get what I mean. Like, they're all manly guys so talking about emotional stuff is just taboo. But, that's all up to you.

You never really know how someone will respond. But, it sounds like they'd be supportive for the most part, and not really give a shit. Like your other friend. It would just turn into a complete joking session, and then they'd be like "You're still the same person" blah blah blah.

I know it's a bit nerve-wracking. I think it'll go fine though. Or so I'm hoping! :icon_bigg

 

Not knowing your friends, the worst that can happen aside from rejection is getting 'token' status; but, even then - depending on how you see the world, that's not a bad thing.

Personally, if the jokes still fly afterward and they're not intended to be hurtful, that's a decent indication that they accept and are indifferent to you being gay. I'd see that as good.

 

(HUGS) Gee, even though a long time ago, when other kids or teens were mean to us IN CHURCH it really is extra awful, huh? Cuz we expect LOVE inside the hearts there.

I was hurt so bad by bullies growing up, I really can dish out the joking better than taking it I think. For example, I was teasing a guy and gal on FB, we had a good time, but by freak accident the guy found my trigger word, the name I was called = to Nggr, and I tried to tell them to not say that one. In the joking mood, he didn't get it, he kept on more and more cuz of my reaction! until it got quie on the thread and he PM me, and i had to tell him the meaning to me, she he asked if any other words he shouldn't say. I thought it would be back to the same, but no. They are close and tease, if I add to it they don't jump in with me, kinda ignore my silly comments more now. Guess I blew it. Guess they don't want to hurt me so I am out of that bond of teasing now.

But you would need to ask yourself AFTER they are told you ARE gay, will they stop teasing you or do it more abt being gay? Will it feel different if they tease you saying things abt your gayness, or will it hurt more if they feel akward abt it and stop including you in the teasing?

 

If they truly are your friends, they will accept you for who you are. if they don't, than you should find new friends because they are not your true friends.