I am thirteen years old and I'm sure I'm gay. I've known since I was at least ten. I'm afraid of coming out because I live in one of those small towns where everyone knows each other. There is ONE openly gay guy in my town and he gets A LOT of crap for being gay. What doesn't help with my decision is my family. My Mom and Dad got divorced when I was seven. They've both re-married by now. My Father will casually make remarks about gays and teases my Brother about being gay although he is straight. My Step-Mother never really talks about gays so i'm not sure how she would react. My Mother had a gay friend while growing up so she would probably take this better than others. However the man she married can not go a damn meal without saying something about gays. It's extremely irritating. At one point I almost accidentally came out to him by finally telling him how annoying I thought he was. Luckily I caught myself and didn't come out. Then when I couldn't explain to him why I didn't like him he compared me to a racist. He is an asshole who thinks he can say whatever he wants. My Brother I think already suspects that I may be gay or at the very least bi. He is the nicest person to me and I'm sure he would be fine with me being gay. My Mom and the Step-Dad actively goes to church and the last time I went there the Pastor started to complain about Barack Obama and how he accepts gays. This also infuriated me. I no longer go to church and I avoid that by staying at my Dad's house because they do not go to church. Now my group of friends all pretty much tease each other all the time and I am no exception. This constant messing around has made it difficult for me to tell if they are homophobic or not. I was able to get one friend to say he was fine with gay and coincidentally I had a crush on him. Sadly he moved away. Now comes to Hanna. She is my best friend. She confessed to me not too long ago that she had a crush on me. Shortly after that I told her that I was gay. She has been the only person I've told. She has told me that she understands and accepts me but now I kinda feel like she's starting to distance herself from me. In short I'm scared of coming out and how others will react to it. I HAVE thought of suicide a few times. Almost actually did it thinking that it was easier, that it would end the pain and that I would be less of a burden that way. But when I was about to I realized how stupid I was being. This would only cause more trouble for my family. It hurts to be around my family because I feel like I'm going to start crying. So if anyone, ANYONE has any advice or help I would greatly appreciate it.
Hi Windswaker, Sorry you are having a difficult time at the moment. I am not great a posting long replies on the forums but I just sent you a friend request if you would like some support and to talk about this more. Best, Karl
Thank you for your post. This forum is read by so many people young and old, and sharing your story will help someone to feel less alone. I can understand you feeling so hurt. From the details you give, it sounds like there may be some obstacles when you do decide to come out. There will be others who have been in similar situations who can better advise you but from what I have learned it could be wise to make sure you feel really comfortable with yourself before coming out to people who may not react positively, at least at first. It is perfectly normal to be afraid of coming out, and just because you have realised you are gay and seem to have accepted it (that is massive-good on you!) doesn't mean you have to come out straight away. Give yourself time. Maybe you can tap into your school counselling service, or a local LGBT organisation for teens? Try to grow a support network before you tackle the potentially difficult task of coming out to your family. Mostly though, take care of yourself. You are special. You are articulate and express yourself very well. I am sure you will find the support you need here, before you can bet it face to face. PS is totally ok to cry. I stuffed and denied my feelings for years. That has NOT helped me!
I delayed (and am still kinda delaying) coming out for almost all of the reasons you have listed (family not so much though). It is a difficult thing. I often make myself feel better about the idea by visualising only positive responses to the eventual act of coming out. I know that this is delusional and in some cases highly unlikely, but I find that it helps alleviate some of the tension associated with it and make it easier to think of a better approach/plan. I think there comes a time when one just cannot take living in the shadows anymore and simply has to tell those that really matter to them. I could be wrong here, but I think not. So maybe just wait it out, gather as much support as you can in the interim and when you are truly ready, you will be that much stronger and have so many more people to face it with you. Good luck.
Hello and welcome to EC! I can totally understand your fear of coming out. I am only out to a few friends and my brother (it took me more than a year to prepare myself for telling him :lol: ). It's really nice that you have a great relationship with your brother and if you think he will be supporting, you should maybe tell him. Because being in the closet sucks and it's so better when you have more a more people to confess to. If your mum had a gay friend, that's also good. Does she mention him/her from time to time? I think she will be supportive and your step-dad... well, he will probably get used to it after some time. Btw., I have a step-dad too who also makes jokes about gay people sometimes. You will know when you're ready, take your time and wait a little more if you want. You are still quite young, so there's no need to hurry! If you are ready, you will know it! And maybe try to leave some hints about your sexuality, like me, I wear rainbow stuff all the time Good luck! (*hug*)
Hi! Welcome to Empty Closets! Your friend is disappointed that you don't return her feelings. She might need to pull away for a little while to get over it and feel better, but I'm sure she'll be your friend again soon. You might want to let her know how important she is to you, even though you aren't interested in her romantically. I really don't think she's pulling away because of you being gay so much as because she has feelings for you that she has to get over. I think your brother would be a good person for you to come out to. You definitely want to be thinking about who to come out to, because it helps a lot to have even a few people who know and accept you. Maybe you could talk to your mom alone about your stepfather's opinion about gay people, and what you heard at church. Ask her about her gay friend, and find out where she stands. If she is still supportive of gay people, you could come out to her, and tell her how bad it makes you feel when your stepfather or the pastor talk like that. As it is now, she doesn't know it's hurting you personally, so she can't do anything to stop it. Once she knows, she might be able to help you to deal with your father and stepmother, too. Are you open about your support of gay rights? You don't have to come out as gay in order to be openly supportive. Often, people are just going along with what everyone else is doing and saying--if you express your support, they are more likely to express theirs where otherwise they would just be quiet about it. So, maybe with your friends, you could just be more vocal about your opinions on the matter. I also don't think there is any rush for you to come out, except that I think being in the closet is a lot of stress on you. If you can come out to your brother, and maybe some more friends and your mom, I think you will feel a lot better. To the extent that you should come out, you should do it to make your own life better, and you can do it in your own time.
I just wanted to say that I too grew up in a small town. We had about 300 people in it, and it was in a small southern baptist community in Mississippi. I came out when I was 15. Let me just say, it wasn't easy. People would stare at me and point, and I felt like I was a freak on display just about every single day. What did help, was my best friend. She was the first person I told, and she was my rock throughout high school, and still is today. Believe me when I say that suicide is NOT the answer. Take it from someone who's been in your position and came through to the other side. High school is only 4 years. I know that it seems like a long time when you're young, but it's really not. Things get exponentially better once it's over. You should really have a long, serious conversation with your friend Hanna. Tell her how you've been feeling, even the suicidal thoughts that you've been having. If she's truly your friend, she will be by your side through all of it. If you told her recently, you have to understand that it takes people some time to adjust to the realization that you're not exactly the person they thought you were. I'd be willing to bet that's what's going on with Hanna... just let her know how much you appreciate her friendship and that you could really use her support right now. Let us know how everything works out!
Here's what I think... There are gonna be people who think you should keep quiet for now, and I agree with them, except I'm not sure you're gonna be able to do that. You've already gotten to the point of desparation. If you have to talk to somebody, I urge you to look first outside your family - a school guidance counselor is a good choice. If not, then somebody you trust, an adult if possible. Get their take on your situation. Go from there. You need a go-to person. It doesn't look like you can tell your family anything about this... at least MOST of your family. If there is anyone who can side with you, it looks like it would be your mom. If you gotta get some support from inside the family after you've scoped out your problem, I'd go to her next - in private. No step dad. At least, that's what I think.
In the town I live in I'm not sure if there is any LGBT organizations for teens and if there is one it would probably be at our Center for Change which my Mom happens to work at. The counselor would probably be the best bet for me. Not sure what's going with that currently though. And don't worry I cry a lot. My Mom does happen to talk about her gay friend from time to time. Because we've met him and he was pretty cool. He's a Hair Stylist in Vegas. I've also thought a lot about telling my brother. He's 19 now so I'm thinking of telling him when moves out or something. That could certainly be whats happening to Hanna but when I told her she was in a relationship with another boy. But I have no idea what she could be feeling. Also she knows about my suicidal thoughts. I haven't really been having them at all anymore. It was mostly around a few months ago when I was starting to accept being gay. I plan on coming out to my family last. My group of friends will definitely be first and if they leave me it just means they weren't actually my friends. I HAVE been vocal about my support for gays at home and around my friends. Sorry I wasn't sure how to do multiple quotes in a message so I just kinda jumbled my answers into this one message.
The Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Southern Nevada (Their main page.) The Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Southern Nevada (Their page with community social and support groups, including for youth). Hopefully, that helps... The Center for Change appears to be for eating disorders. Am I wrong about that?
Nevada is a bit far for me to go. Also the Center for Change deals with a lot of stuff and since there is no other place for it to happen I would assume that a gay support group would end up there.
Ah, sorry. I thought you were near Vegas for some reason. Also, there is a Center for Change in vegas, which is the one that looks to be for eating disorders. Have you tried googling the name of your town and "gay support" or "gay youth"?
