Oke so I have a problem that is killing me from the inside. Im 20 years old and still in the closet, only my mother knows though. I got my job which I kinda like but my problem is: I have a pretty deep crush on the boss of my section. I want to be with him constantly. But he's over 50 years old and married to a woman, so its just impossible. I keep telling that to myself but the feelings are keep destroying me from the inside which is driving me nuts especially when Im at home, so not with him. Im trying my hardest to show it but its just pointless and its giving me so much frustrations. Already thought: should I tell him? or should I search for another job? But I dont have a "higher" certificate, so that would be pretty negative (going to combine school and this work together after the summer though). Now my question is: have you ever had this? What did you do? What would you do if this happened to you? Is there anything I can do? Thanks for the help!
Well, dont think so although I got my doubts SOMEtimes but maybe thats just my fantasy talking, lol. Just really dont know.
So sorry. This sucks. Even if this man was openly gay and single, entering into a relationship with your boss would never be advisable, never mind the age difference. But it sounds like this man is not in a position to return your feelings. I would not advise talking to him. All I can say is with time you will move on. Focus on other things. It is hard and we all go through it from time to time. But you will get through it. I have found that investing time and effort into something completely different- study, a hobby, exercise helped me to move on. You'll get there. Good luck and keep posting here!
Yeah that sounds right! Although I cant stop talking to him as we got to work as a "team" 4 days a week. Been trying that for like 4 months now and its going good but then sometimes I just hit rock bottom all of a sudden. Guess its the only way, good to hear that Im definately not the only one! I never expected that this would ever happen to me, worst feeling ever. Ah well. Well, thanks for the help and your wise words!
Rose's advice is the best advice you're going to get. Unfortunately, it's still not great in that it doesn't really help you in the short-to-medium term, but it's the only thing you can do. As Rose says, limit your contact with your boss without sounding coming across as rude. Just do your work well without unnecessarily coming into contact with him. And once again, putting your energy into something else is great advice! If you can, do search for another job. Maybe something will come up that you are capable of doing — you never know.
Despite what you think, as far as having a crush goes, you're in one of the best positions you can be in (besides the case where they actually love you back), because: - he's your boss, so he's off limits due to professionalism - he's older, so it's probably socially-discouraged to be chasing after him - he's straight, so he's not interested in you - he's married, so he's not looking for another relationship The combo of all these things, while adding up to "THIS SUCKS", also leaves you with the very rational answer of "there's no chance you can be with him". If you embrace that fact, you'll quickly learn to give him up. The trinity of getting over crushes is this: - time - distance - distraction Time might work, but it'll be painful. Distance doesn't work, since you have to be together during the week. A distraction however is a very viable option. Simply find someone else to crush on! Or better yet, find someone else who will actually be able to reciprocate your feelings for them. There's no easy way to do it... getting over crushes sucks, sure. But the sooner you make an effort to move past it rather than sitting there bemoaning your unrequited love, the sooner things will get better.
It's normal to develop crushes on people in authority like that. It's just like how people get crushes on their teachers. It's a really bad foundation for a relationship, though, even if he were available. But really, it might be that part of the reason you've got this big crush on him is that you know he isn't really available to you, and on some level you aren't really ready for a relationship right now. It's actually very safe, to develop feelings for someone when it's obviously impossible. It spares you from any kind of rejection that you'd have to take personally. Anyway, just accept that you have whatever feelings you have, and try not to focus on them.
Sounds right, thanks all for the helpfull comments! It helped for me. Going to be some very hard times, but I think Ill make it.
