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please help !!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ems, Jun 29, 2012.

  1. ems

    ems
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    I'm slowly coming to turns with being lesbian. But I feel so alone , I don't know any other people who are les and feel like my other friends wouldn't understand what I'm feeling. I feel like I shouldn't feel the way I am . Apart of me still trying to see a life with a man but the rest seems to recoil at men and the thought of touching them me. I see them more as friends and isn't that wrong shouldn't I want and live life with a man ?
     
  2. Deaf Not Blind

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    :frowning2:

    im not lesbian. I hope you can undy me, i am rather transgender myself. and i had assumed i would one day marry a man. but if i do, what will he get!? i am not able to give female stuff to him, so...yeah.

    do you want to date anybody now? are you sad and lonely, or want kids badly?
    if not, then you just are working out all this stuff for 1st time, and hopefully it will lead to true happiness once you know what you do want.

    i can't see how either of us can be happy (with a husband) if we don't know what makes us happy.
     
  3. lilbitlost

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    Hey,
    I totally get were you are coming from, im still coming to terms with it all myself. I also have no lesbian friends, i know a couple of gay guys but i dunno it would be really nice to have a woman who understood what im on about. I briefly talked about it with my best friend (whos straight) and she gave me like a mammoth list of friends she has who are bi, which was cool, but kind of intimidating as i dont know any of them very well and wouldnt feel comfy talking about sexuality around them.

    Its not wrong to not want a man. Heh though i struggle with this too, i keep having to correct my thoughts when im chattering to myself 'she not he'. I think were both kinda going through the denial stage of acceptance. Youve got to follow your gut instinct though and if your recoiling at the thought of men then dont try to push yourself towards men, it will only make you miserable.

    For feeling alone, well EC is here to help or you could join a local group or maybe go to a gay pride festival if your comfy with it, expand your horizons and try and make some new friends. But take comfort that your not alone, at least not here :slight_smile:

    What do you think would help you feel less alone?
    Why do you think your thoughts are wrong?
     
    #3 lilbitlost, Jun 29, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2012
  4. Rose

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    Ems,

    You are not alone. Not here anyway! When you are ready, and only then, you may feel like sharing your feelings with a trusted friend. Someone you are fairly sure will support you. If that feels way too scary then maybe you can access some counselling.

    What you are feeling in my experience is perfectly valid. I do not think it is unreasonable to aspire to a kind of relationship that society deems to be conventional. That gives us a sense of belonging and fitting in.

    But why should you want to live your life with a man if you don't like the idea of being touched by a man? Your feelings are valid. Listen to them and embrace them as much as you are able to right now.

    Keep posting. Asking questions and sharing your story will help you and others.

    Take care,

    Rose
     
    #4 Rose, Jun 29, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2012
  5. ems

    ems
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    I think getting to know other people who understand where Im coming from and listen , would help me.feel less alone and just getting to know other lesbians so I don't feel so isolated. My thoughts... I should be thinking about men and how I want them etc , I see how good some look but don't wanna be with them . Surely I should instead of thinking about being with a women
     
  6. lilbitlost

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    Nope the only thing you should think about is what makes you happy. Dont let society or peer pressures dictate that too you. Theres nothing wrong with thinking about women, however thinking about men just because you think you should will only make you miserable. I know ive done it for years and christ ive been such a misery, now that ive stopped limiting myself its like ive put a crack in a massive dam and i can just feel happiness rushing through. So dont limit your thinking with what you think you should be thinking and instead think about whatever you want to. I know its easier said then done, but gradually it will start to have an impact.

    Are there any local LGBT groups you could join? Would any of your friends understand part of what your going through? You dont need to tell them everything, but im sure getting some of it off your chest would help.

    We're all here for you so feel free to tell us whats bothering you or just have a good rant or vent or maybe even just a silly giggle :wink:
     
  7. lyn

    lyn
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    You should be with whoever makes you happy. I have kept silent about the fact that I find women attractive my whole life. I have never felt that it was a wrong feeling, but I also didn't feel comfortable enough to talk about it to anyone. I was scared of how my family and friends would react, so I became reclusive and unsocial because I was too scared to be myself. I am not going to do that anymore. I have started therapy and want to live a happy full life. I know it is terrifying to put yourself out there for everyone to see. I feel it everyday and have still not become brave enough to do that yet. However, I have decided to start living a life that will make me happy. Small steps is the way to go, my first step was to find a good person to talk to. It helped to find someone that would listen to me and not judge or make me feel like an outsider.
     
  8. lakegirl2197

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    Don't worry there are so many lesbians out there you are not alone I mean I'm Bi so its pretty close. This website has many gays, les, trans, etc... we are all like you. You are NOT alone.

    ---------- Post added 29th Jun 2012 at 09:54 PM ----------

    Sorry forgot to add this I think its stupid how people are saying that its wrong to be with the same gender so its like I'm saying SCREW YOU cuz your F****** WRONG people like that are A** holes. They don't see the world like we do they just make these little perspectives on the world and don't even open up to new opinions. EVERYONE is soooo Amazing just the way you are. So don't push yourself down your not alone love yourself and other people will love you cuz if you walk down the street proud of your orientation people are gonna be like WOW that gal is BAD ASS! So you go strut down that street and let people see you SHINE. :slight_smile: