Hello and love to all who may read this and who are (like myself )struggling, confused and generally frustrated about their sexuality and the position they are currently in... So about a month ago i rather drunkenly confessed to my closest friend at university that i had realised and was pretty certain that i am gay. I have known since i was about 12/13 that i was aware that i liked guys but persuaded myself that i wasn't actually desiring but just admiring them and i convinced myself i wasn't gay. I then went on to have one girlfriend, decided i didn't like the idea of being attached and so put my head down and solidly focused on studying, getting on with life and not fussed at all with having a girlfriend unlike many of the people around me who were getting together. I'm 22now and have never had any experiences with either men/women, but have always noticed that i spotted/felt drawn to good looking guys. I thought it was a jealousy/envy/admiration thing because they always seemed so much more confident, good looking and happy. This made me think i was just insecure and lacking in self esteem...but i still noticed guys much more than girls. After having read and watched many coming out stories with other people saying they only recognised these feelings as actual attraction much later on, i still find myself in a state of doubt because i have no experiences. I would love to hear from someone's opinion on the matter. I'm not afraid to accept being gay because i know that lying to myself means i can never fully accept who i am, but how long does it take to 'feel settled' with being gay? Would it be better if i were to find more gay people to talk to....immerse myself in the 'community' as it were (though this would most likely be something i wouldn't wish to do)?? Sorry if there are too many questions or aspects of discussion but i have so many thoughts. I would be so very very grateful for any feedback and advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Hi! Welcome to Empty Closets. It can be hard when you are first coming out to yourself. Congratulations on admitting it to yourself, and to a friend--that is already a big step! It does sound to me like you're gay. I do think it would be helpful for you to talk to other gay people, but you don't have to immerse yourself, necessarily. Just meet a few people you can talk to. Hanging around here on EC will help a lot, and then maybe you'll feel more comfortable meeting people in real life.
Hi, I would strongly recommend using EC to explore some of the questions you have, and even just to use as a sounding board if that's what you need. Also if you are at Uni, there may be an LGBT group you could join? My piece of advice for you to take or leave is this: it seems to me that you have your head a great deal more screwed on than I did at the same age, and you are aware and able to talk about your feelings. So, don't feel that the only way to validate your belief that you are gay is to find the first man who gives you any attention. When you sag spend time in the "community", I think it is important to be objective about what you expect to gain from that. I don't believe that there is a distinct "gay community" as such personally- but there are the networks of family and friends you already have!
