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Trying to be more social

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lyn, Jun 29, 2012.

  1. lyn

    lyn
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    Hi, I am attempting to get out in the world and meet some people. I have horrible social skills and don't have any friends because I have this ridiculous habit of pushing people away. I think in the past I did this because I was uncomfortable with myself and also scared to let others know that I was attracted to women. Anyway, my therapist recommended that I join a gym and go to some workout classes to meet people, since I enjoy working out. I don't know if I am too fond of that idea. I wish I was brave enough to go to a bar by myself. I was wondering if anyone had any other ideas?
     
  2. vyvance

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    Small steps is best. I have some social anxiety as well, so I can understand how it can be hard to get out there.

    What worked for me was to start socializing in situations I was a little more comfortable in, and wouldn't seem like I was having to actually exert myself. I.E: I started occasionally making small talk with the people who sat next to me in class; Started trying to talk some about non-school related stuff with my lab partners in Chemistry and Biology; etc. Doing it that way let me expand my comfort zone slowly, and enabled me to start going further out of my shell to talk with others.

    Some situation like that where talking wouldn't be too much of a stretch might help you slowly break into it.

    Hope any of that helps at all.
     
  3. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    Vyvance is right about small steps. It let's you gradually get more comfortable with talking.

    Why aren't you fond of the idea of going to workout classes? It does sound like a good way to start socializing. I went to a yoga class last week, and while some people did talk, you could also easily get away with not talking. I imagine the workout classes would be the same way, allowing you to get used to the situation and then open up a bit.

    If you're not the social type, bars are generally not a good idea, even if you do have the courage to go to them by yourself. It's awkward and not very enjoyable for you. Plus most of the people you meet will be the social type and not as likely to be compatible with you (as friends or potential partners).

    What other activities do you enjoy? Are you interested in politics or religion? If you live near a city, you can probably find groups that have common interests, like the workout classes. These situations are excellent for meeting new people because going in you know you have something in common with them. If all else fails, you can talk to them about this common interest. Even if the first couple times that's all you talk about, you've still made progress.
     
  4. runallday4

    runallday4 Guest

    I'm the same way, maybe social anxiety is something that's common in LGBTs? But anyways, I agree with the people who said little steps. For me it was probably easier since I'm in high school, and I have forced interactions with people. Either way, go somewhere where you already feel relaxed, and start with small conversations.

    I would caution you against the bar for two reasons. The first is that it may be really over stimulating. The second reason is that you may be tempted to just drink a lot to make social interaction easier. I have a family member was was like this (they're better now, but they can't drink anymore). They would drink to make social situations easier but really this just trained them to want to drink more and more. Be careful.
     
  5. lyn

    lyn
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    Thank you for the responses. I think I am scared of the workout classes because I always worry that others are staring at me. I know its silly to think that. It's a workout class everyone is going to be sweating and looking silly. runallday4, I am definitely a social drinker. It is the only way I am able to relax when I am in public places such as bars. For that reason I usually stay away from places like that. I have been around alcoholics most of my life and I don't want to become that person.