Hey, I've been reading posts on here and it makes me feel so hopeful. I've always told myself "it'll get better", but where I was in denial and I blocked out that being gay was an option, I was just so damn confused and felt like I didn't understand any of my issues or problems. Anyway, since I've come to grips with my sexuality, that hope is back. I am still veeerrrry much in the closet and scared to death to actually voice my opinions on things that might "out me". I'm 22 and I have never been myself openly to anyone without having this homophobia paralyze me. My question is: Does it get better? I mean, once I can be open to myself and people around me and not be so damn scared, is the feeling really as good as I am hoping it is? I don't know how many people are on EC who are fully out from being in the closet for a significant amount of time, but If there are, I would like to hear from them.
The journey is different for everyone, but I guarantee it does get better, I think people are too caught up with the consequences to really embrace change and let themselves be happy.
It certainly did for me. I'm open to virtually everyone I meet (I mean I don't come out to grocery clerks when I go shopping, but you know what I mean), and after years of being closeted to one degree or another, it does feel fantastic. I surround myself with supportive people (gay or not), I date when I want, have relationships when it works out (currently been seeing a guy for 6 months), and talk about my love life with family and friends. That was not always the case even after I started coming out, but over the years it's gotten incredibly comfortable. The one caveat I would put to the "it gets better" idea - much like "time solves all things" and so on - is that it will only get better if you work at it. Waiting for yourself to get comfortable in isolation won't make you feel better - you have to get out there and work at it. It's scary to start coming out - I couldn't even say it the first time I came out to friends, I had to make them guess it. But if you're ready to be a little scared and to put your feet to the fire - then yes, you can make it better.
I know this may sound stupid, but it's something that's been really encouraging to me. Have you checked out youtube? There are some out vloggers there who I think are really funny, and also motivating. I've been watching them for a while. I've watched a bunch of the "it gets better videos" but many of those seem redundant. I also watch: 1) Davy Wavey: I think he's one of the most popular ones, and he does different videos on different gay topics. He's really cute and never wears a shirt so that's a plus but also he talks a lot about accepting yourself, and a lot of other important things. 2) Shep689: This is Will Shepherd and his boyfriend RJ mainly. He has some videos on just random things, but also they are recording everyday of their lives this year and it just makes you realize all the nice things that come with being out, and how happy you can be once you accept yourself. They're also cute and funny (and they have a lot of cute friends, and a cute straight roommate ) They have a smaller following than Davy Wavey so a lot of the time they'll actually be able to respond to you if you ask them a question. Anyways, maybe you won't like those ones as much as I do (I think they fit my personality well), but regardless, go on youtube and try to find a bunch of different people you do enjoy watching. Good Luck
Good advice given to MathMan in my opinion. I totally get the idea that it won't get better by staying in isolation. Working at it is the only way. At 22 you may feel like you have waited a long time to be open but there are many people who stay in the closet for years longer, some for a lifetime, so if you are able to begin your journey now you can potentially avoid significant damage, pain and unhappiness. But it MUST happen at a pace you feel comfortable with. Little by little, find comfortable ways to embrace who you. Your future can be exciting and filled with happiness. Being able to fully accept yourself and loving you for being you is the key to that happy and exciting future. One more thing, I believe it will happen gradually. Happiness is not a state that will be arrived at, but a feeling that is organic and ever changing for even those that are at peace with themselves will still feel the lows as well as the highs. Good luck on your journey and thank you for sharing. Gravity's response reminded me that I need to keep working on it. This forum is so powerful. Best, Rose
it does get better, no matter if its lgbt related or anything. the struggles you go through are temporary, things do change. for every bad thing that happens something good happens because of it. thats what i think anyway. as for how does it feel when you come out, its different for everyone, but im prettty sure 99% of people must of felt some form of relief and a weight lifted of their shoulders. i felt that way anyway and speaking to my friends, a lot felt the same way. it feels like you can be free and not have to hide anymore. but then the whole accepting process is different, once you come out its not like okay im cool lets go, its a gradual thing where you slowly begin to feel 100% yourself, if that makes any sense. it took me 5 years to feel the way i do now lol
