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Not sure when to come out really

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Anon2012, Jun 30, 2012.

  1. Anon2012

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    I'll make this simple, I am 24 and mostly gay, maybe a slight attraction to girls is in me but not really though, I never feel like hitting on girls or anything like that.


    I live at home at the moment and am working towards a career in music which could take time but it's what I'm into I guess, maybe not the smartest financial decision but what the hell, I feel like for some people doing what you can be consistent in doing and love to do could be the right decision, even in some top fields where you may need to spend five years getting a degree in, are low on jobs but that's not the point of this thread.


    I guess the point is I'm 24, live in a subarban area with a lot of religious jews in my close vicinity, some of which are cool tho some may be a little crazy about religion, point being though I don't feel coming out around a subarban religious community would be the best idea.

    Also in addition to that I have not heard of anyone in my family's close friends having come out of the closet makes it sort of discouraging, I guess It would be big to be the first person within my close family to have come out, etc.... Thus it has a certain pressure but I am comfortable arguing for gay being ok, for starters if you believe god makes everyone than certainly he made gay people too. People are also just people at the end of the day.


    But if coming out runs the risk of running into a whole series of problems and politics with people I feel like maybe it's better to keep it dl for now. I do want to eventually at least come out to to of my brothers, but I guess some time is needed to figure it out and I also started talking with a psychologist reently and we're talking about this too.


    I'm not sure what else to say at the moment but wanted to share my story. Maybe some people can relate to. Thanks for reading and any advice or comments are appreciated.

    ---------- Post added 29th Jun 2012 at 11:28 PM ----------

    Seems you can't edit posts or at least first post so I'll just add I understand there's no obligation to come out to people anyway though it can help I'm sure, I just wanted to clarify from the title not that I feel like I have to come out but probably want to tell a few people eventually who I've known for a while and if they don't like it screw them, if they do great.

    Well thanks again for reading. Peace.
     
  2. Ianthe

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    Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets!

    My recommendation would be that you not think of coming out as an all-or-nothing thing. You can just consider it one person at a time at first. For example, you have come out to your counselor. That's already one person, and it's an important step. Congratulations!

    The next thing would be to think of all the people you know, and see if you can find just one more person that you know will be accepting. Coming out to people who might not be accepting is something to save for later, once you already have a few people who support you.

    If you can't think of anyone who will be accepting, then it might be a good idea to go out and meet people that will be. The best thing might be to meet some other gay people.
     
  3. Silvails52

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    Exactly. I suggest coming out to your closest friends first. I've only had positive experiences there. If they don't accept that part of you, then they aren't your friends. Family is really hard to tell. I'm still wondering when I should tell them... but I know that feeling of being the only gay in the family. Do what you think is right. Ianthe is right to say go meet other gays. That has helped me out in the past. They all know what you're going through and can definitely help out.
     
  4. Anon2012

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    Thanks... I do try to hang out with lgbt people sometimes. I've had a few gay/bi friends in the past and jist recently met a bi guy from online who I hung out with last week at my grandmother's summer place - which she tried to sell this year but it didn't go through so it's sort of an open house now. We got pretty drunk and while nothing sexual happened it was still fun. I def can see how hanging out with other gay/bi people can help, it sort of let's it out of your system too I think, not the fact that you're gay but just to be open with people about it.
     
  5. Silvails52

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    Yep. When I first hung out with other gays, I felt so happy. Like I didn't have to hide.
     
  6. Mohawke13

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    I think you've already received a lot of great advice about the coming out process. It really does get easier each time you come out to someone, so just taking it step by step is the key. Start off with one person who you have a good feeling will take it well as practice and go from there.

    One other thing I wanted to mention about coming out, especially amongst family members is that you might be surprised with the outcome after the fact. For example, I was terrified of coming out to anyone in my family and although I haven't received 100% acceptance from all of them, I certainly can't complain. Also, I was pleasantly surprised to find out only a few weeks ago that my coming out to my family gave one of my cousins the courage to finally come out to me! So although you're worried that you're the only LGBT-identified person in your circle of close family and friends, after coming out, you might discover that isn't actually the case. Either way, good luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. Anon2012

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    Thanks. I do also feel like if I actually did it there is a possibility no one would care so much, but I guess it's that initial bump also the community I'm around is pretty weird, a lot of religious people so I'm not sure but I'm open enough that if someone in my family asked me I don't think I would lie about it. I guess it's a matter of the right time maybe or if it seemed safe to do so at some point.

    Also I think I would feel comfortable coming out to two of my brothers but I'm not sure about my parents right now and also if it would feel like they have to keep a secret from them if I told my brothers, but I'm sort of figuring this out overtime I guess. I know my brothers are knowledgable on the fact there are tons of lgbt people around and don't think they would care much in a bad way after maybe first telling them and I guess there's always a possibility they may have suspected it but who knows though.

    ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2012 at 08:03 PM ----------

    It didn't let me edit my post again again but thanks again for helping.
     
    #7 Anon2012, Jun 30, 2012
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2012
  8. Anon2012

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    Since this thread was made gay things have come up in some conversations with friends and my brother but haven't told old friends or family yet tho.

    I wanna tell my younger brother but not sure if he could keep it secret for a while or not. I mean he'd probably tell my oldest brother which I don't care about but I don't want everyone knowing ether.

    I wouldn't be surprised if more people suspect me then I realize but I guess I'm considering coming out to my younger brother soon if it makes sense.

    Well I guess as they say there's no rush ether way and just wanted to update.

    Peace