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don't know know how to deal with this situation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fatalmoon91, Jun 30, 2012.

  1. fatalmoon91

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    so i woke up this morning and found a friend request on my facebook from my biological "dad". to me and my family he really isn't much more than a sperm donor. the last time i saw or spoke to him i was in the hospital and being diagnosed with diabetes. apparently he doesn't even remember leaving me there, and i can't decide if that fact makes the things he did better or worse. the things he's done and the times he has left has made it impossibly clear that any sort of relationship with him would be a disaster. but my mom wants me to be nice as she is trying to get over her fear of him. I would love to help my mom but i just don't know that i can bring myself to give him anything that close to another second chance. any advice?
     
  2. lilbitlost

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    If you think a relationship with him would be impossible then i would say its not worth the effort. Your mum needs to sort out her own relationship with him without using you as a kind of middle-man, though the being afraid of him thing does not sound good. Maybe you could try and help your mum by explaining to her that your not comfortable talking to him/seeing him etc but that youll try and be emotional support for her?

    Oh and i would say if he cant remember the things hes done then that makes it worse, but i dont know what hes done. But the impression it gives was that he didnt notice the pain he was causing to others, which isnt good.
     
  3. Farouche

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    You're not responsible for your mom's relationship with your biological dad, or with anyone else. If being facebook friends with him makes you uncomfortable, then don't do it.
     
  4. Chip

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    I share farouche's view. Your mom's relationship with your dad is hers to fight, not yours.

    If you have no connection and have no interest in any connection, and in addition, he's done many things to disappoint you, I see no reason to reconnect at this point.

    I do believe that people can change and really shitty parents can turn themselves around... but any relationship that is going to develop needs to be on your terms, not your mother's or his.