hello, I'm not sure where else to go with this, but I need to tell someone even if it online strangers. I'm a 22 year old female, and I think I'm in love with my best friend. I know this is probably a common topic, but I feel so alone and helpless. I thought it could be a crush before and I would get over it, but it's been almost a year. I think about her all the time, to the point I'm not sure if it's unhealthy or I'm just in love. I considered myself virtually 100% straight before this girl. I've tried to deny it and tell myself I'm being silly but it just keeps coming back. We are very close, more so than most friend relationships. We are very, err, touchy I guess? Nothing overtly sexual, but very flirty. She knows more about me than anyone, but I can't tell her this. I can't tell anyone. This secret feels like a HUGE part of me yet I can't tell her. And it is a really desperate feeling. I feel like I will explode when I think about this because I'm confused and alone. Sometimes I feel like she could like me because it doesn't feel like a friend relationship and she makes suggestive comments a lot. But then other times she says things that make me think she isn't at all sexually or otherwise attracted to me. Neither one of us has ever been in a relationship. I have had crushes before but they usually lasted a month or so, and they were never as deep. I want her to be happy, I want to touch her all the time, and I never get sick of being with her, etc. Feel free to leave advice, but I doubt this will ever amount to anything, I just really needed to let it out, and possibly have someone to relate to. Thanks for listening.
First of all, welcome to EC Kazaloful, Im happy you've found us! (*hug*) Second, I know how this feels, I thought at first I was crushing on my close female friend at first too, but then I kept on feeling that way for years. Looking back now, I know that I was in love with her. After holding it in for about 3 years, I finally told her how I felt, and for a few minutes she was surprised, but no one else either of us knew was surprised when I finally put how I felt into words. We still remained extremely close friends, despite a false start on trying to start a relationship, but I still felt the same way for her even tho we decided to just be friends. Part of me really regrets not havin tried harder, bc I still have very deep feelings for her, even tho she moved to another province & had a child with a guy. We still tak occaisionally tho. I guess the point of all this is that I know how it feels to hold something like this in. While your situation is a biit different than mine was, you should consider just listening & seeing if your friend is open-minded enough to hear what you have to tell her. You did mention that she hasnt been in a relationship either before, so there may be a reason for that. She may also feel similar, you never know. Start out slow & just start with keeping an open mind & a positive attitude & then slowly see how things go from there. Maybe suggest a movie nite & watch a film on DVD together than has LGBT themes & then ask her opinions on the movie later. Beyond that, just do what you feel is best & if you need to talk, you can always come to EC, everyone here, myself included, are always more than happen to listen & helpp if we can. (*hug*) Hope I was a little bit helpful for you.
I think I can say I relate. I always promised myself that I'd never crush on my best friend, but sometimes when me and him and our friends hang out, I just cant help but feel somethin towards him. Like today I was hangin with him and a friend and we went out to this field and played outside for awhile (and cripes, was it hot! 100 degrees). Me and my best friend had on wife beaters/ tanktops underneath so we took off our shirts and all. Then when we dragged ourselves back to my place, my besty went in my room to cool off on the floor because he took his shorts off (and my sister's always tryin to rape him, so he was right to hide in my room), and despite how hot it was, I just felt compelled to get on the floor and lay in his arms. And we were riding in the car, and I was sleepy and I started dozing off, and I just kept wantin to lay my head on his shoulder. And a couple weeks ago, he came with me and my mom and sister to jacksonville because my sister went to see a band called Straight Line Stitch, but me and him didn't wanna really sit in on that, so we just walked on the beach, and it was night time and all, and I just wanted him to hold me... I've already told him that I'm gay, but because of my erratic dating patterns in the past, he doesn't think I'm gay, but thinks I'm just using it as an excuse because I'm tired of girls. But enough of my rambling! I meant for that to be a little more brief, but I can somewhat relate to your problem in a way
