1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Prometheus, Jun 30, 2012.

  1. Prometheus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2012
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    So the other night I was talking to my best friend and telling him about how I'm confused about my sexuality and he goes "dude you're the straightest guy I know" and I'm like "no I'm not, man" and he goes "well if you wanna find out for sure kiss me" (he knows I've hooked up with guys, I don't know why he said this) and so I prepped myself to do it was a little turned on by the prospect of it and then made out with him. Now he goes "did you feel turned on by that, cause I did" and I guess I was a little but not really ready to admit it so I said no. I kissed him again later on and it was fine, no real difference from kissing a girl I guess, at first I thought I might've gotten more of a tingling sensation with him but I believe that to just be nerves. Anyway he's one of the best looking dudes ever apparently (or so they say) I don't really see it. So that was weird, I tried to masturbate to the thought of him, couldn't do it. I'm not in love with him or anything like a lot of gay guys with straight best friends (he's pretty bi actually I think). I dunno it helped with nothin of this confusion, I can't accept my feelings is the problem I think. Like one minute I'll try accepting the idea of being gay and I'll relax a lot, but then when I actually think of gay thoughts I get anxiety, does anyone else have issues with this? It's like unless I'm actively trying to accept the idea of being gay I get anxious anytime these intrusive gay thoughts and urges come into my head. I just want to accept who I am.
     
  2. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    STOP DOING THINGS WITH DUDES YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO. It will not help you figure out your sexuality. Making out with a guy you aren't interested in is not going to tell you whether you are at all interested in men.

    Wait until you find a guy you are attracted to, and then try it out.

    If there are no guys you are attracted to, well, then you aren't attracted to guys.

    You are still trying to see a therapist, right?

    As for your friend, I just hope he isn't in love with you. But probably, he just wanted to help you out. Very nice of him, really.
     
  3. speedracing22

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2012
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NY
    I read your other posts after reading this, and it seems like you are "forcing" yourself into some awkward situations. Its like you are trying to "prove" to yourself that you are gay, between this and the other post where you talked about going down on a guy and hating it.

    Being gay or bi isn't just about having sex with guys and liking it. It's also about having an emotional attraction to a guy. I personally don't get turned on by the idea of sex with a guy (other stuff yes, but sex, no), but I still say to myself that I am bi because I am emotionally attracted to other guys. I could see myself dating and being with a guy. And if it's the RIGHT guy, yes I could see myself having sex with him and being turned on.

    The problem I think you are having is you are just doing things with guys you aren't attracted to. I have a lot of good friends (girls and guys) who I wouldn't have sex with or kiss because I am not attracted to them.

    When you force yourself to do something, you aren't going to enjoy it. Girl...guy..or anything. Your kiss was "set up". You aren't going to feel any "fireworks" if there was no attraction there to begin with.

    I would keep an open mind, keep meeting people, girls and guys, and see if you find one you LIKE. Someone you are ATTRACTED to. When you find the right person you will know it. Just keep an open mind.

    ---------- Post added 1st Jul 2012 at 12:48 AM ----------

    And yes, as 'Ianthe' said, try and see a therapist. I see one, and it helps a lot. You are not alone in the way you feel. My therapist said she has tons of patients who are confused.
     
  4. Prometheus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2012
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for the replies, my only problem is I'm not attracted to any guys (unless I misunderstand what attraction is which is very possible). I'm going to stop doing this, it's obviously not helping, You're right. My friend is a very good friend, I agree, I love him dearly as a brother. I have been seeing a therapist, only had one session though and the therapist hasn't really formulated an opinion yet. I go again Friday.
     
  5. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    That is not a problem. That is being heterosexual. And I don't think you are misunderstanding. You describe yourself not being attracted to guys pretty clearly, even thought you keep trying really hard to be attracted to them. (And why? It makes no sense...)

    When you go to see your therapist again, print out all the threads you've been posting on here to take with you. Especially the one where you felt like you were going to "attack people sexually." And the one where you hated giving head to that random guy. But all of them, really.

    I'm serious; do it.
     
  6. speedracing22

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2012
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NY
    I agree. If you are not attracted to guys then you are probably just straight! I would bring the posts you wrote like Ianthe said to show the therapist what you were thinking when you wrote them. I tend to BS in therapy sometimes, so showing something you WROTE puts the issue right out there with no hiding from it.

    Also, no matter what, don't stop going. Some people feel after a couple sessions that it's not helping and stop going. It takes time for it to work, so make sure you keep going.

    Just out of curiosity, what made you think you were gay to begin with? Have you EVER been attracted to a guy?
     
  7. Prometheus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2012
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I haven't been attracted to a man persay but there are multiple reasons, one major one is that I like blow job porn a lot and when I watch it I feel like the girl, I don't like gay porn for some reason but watching a woman give head turns me on A LOT. I also get the feeling around every guy I'm in close quarters with that I will sexually attack them, but that's kinda subsided lately, I detailed all the reasons why in an earlier post.