As the title says, I'm hoping to gain some clarity and end the confusion over how I should describe myself. Any advice is appreciated, but advice from someone who has experienced a similar situation would be even more welcome And just for a warning, there's a good chance of explicit details contained within, so read at your own discretion. Anyways, now that's out of the way, for approximately a month I've been considering the idea of being asexual, ever since I was playing Never Have I Ever with some friends and of course sex came up. Most of my friends have been and are sexually active, and I'm not/haven't been previously. Ever since then, I've been thinking about if I'd actually want to have sex with someone else. It started off subconsciously until about two weeks ago, when I started consciously contemplating the idea. Then today I tentatively 'tried on' the label and realized that it did in fact describe me. So, I'm totally okay with that, but still dealing with how I previously labeled myself; as bisexual. I suppose what I would be now would be asexual and biromantic (since I could see myself in a relationship with either gender, just without sex). So, the first of the three most confusing parts about asexuality (since it does confuse me very much right now) is the fact that I've already come out to my friends/family/other people who matter as bisexual, now I'm going to have to come out again, this time as something entirely different, and it's going to be very hard to explain since most people want a physical and romantic relationship, not just a romantic one. I'm asexual, and I myself don't understand how/why I don't feel the need for a sexual relationship with another person. I'm sure in time it will make more sense, I'm hoping it will anyway, so I will be able to explain it to those who matter in my life, and have it make sense. Hopefully. Condensing all that, I don't understand how to come out again as something else entirely and confuse my friends & family even more than they perhaps already are. If anyone else has been in that position before, advice about how they went about it would be much appreciated. And, the second part is the whole 'how to maintain a relationship with another person' question. I have already given it some thought, and I suppose the easiest thing to do is either find another asexually orientated person (which will be challenging), have a relationship with three people involved, two meeting each other's sexual needs and me fitting in somewhere (which doesn't seem likely to work out for various reasons), or simply have an open relationship with another person (which would probably be the easiest way to make a romantic relationship work, but could potentially become messy because of emotions and such). My question there is how do others who are asexual make relationships work for not only themselves, but also the other person? Also, when would be a good time to disclose that one is asexual to someone that they are romantically interested in? I don't have any romantic interests at the moment, but it would be good to know for future reference before this issue comes up. I'm figuring it's going to be rather awkward to explain to someone who desires a sexual relationship, so a game plan of how to break the news would be handy.
I think the easiest way to come out as asexual is to wait until the subject of sex or sexual orientation comes up, and then say you're asexual biromantic. Most people won't have heard that term, but that's okay, you can explain it to them. Read about asexuality on the Internet, and refer your friends and family to the resources that you find helpful. Your best bet for a relationship is to find another asexual person. Most people who are sexual want that to be part of their romantic relationships. When you have a romantic interest, let them know as soon as possible that you're asexual, but romantically interested in them. I'm bisexual/pansexual, and I try to say that before I tell someone I like them. Hope this helps.
ok then help me with pangender, because i still feel lost in it. one day feel more male, next day feel more female, next day feel neither, what gives??? any ideas Farouche???
Well I think there is someone for everyone out there and I guarantee you although our culture is very sexual there are many others out there who are asexual such as you and looking for someone. Even with people who are sexual though if you're interested in them I think you should just be upfront about who you are and about your feelings towards them. You'd be surprised I think people would be pretty accomodating and try to make things work and if not we all get rejected regardless of orientation. Good luck
