Sorry if the title is a bit misleading but I'll explain what I mean by it as I can't fit everything into the title. I'm 26 now and still in the closet, the reason I've never explored coming out is because my parents are against it (mainly my mum). She's said that gay people are nice but I have memories of when I was younger when she stood in front of me to avoid me seeing two women kissing. I was only about 8 and remember it well. Having thought about it recently that a subconscious message from my mum that it's wrong to be gay. I know I may be over thinking this too much but I believe that's the reason I've been having trouble accepting myself. So my logic is that I won't be able to accept myself until I confront that memory and tell my parents (mainly mum) that what she did back then has seriously affected me. I've become very depressed and can't get passed this. The previous ten years have only got worse and I can't talk to anyone else as I've distanced myself from everyone I knew. So my question is.... If I come out to my mum and she asks why it took so long to come out to her whats the best way to say 'when I was about 8 you stopped me from seeing two women kiss and it's serious affected the way I feel about being gay' Please keep in mind that I'm not close to my parents and we never talk about anything ever. We never talk about what's bothering us or what goes on in our lives. I know you may be asking why do I need to tell her.... it's because I think I need her approval to be gay, without it I'll keep hating myself and never be able to accept who I truly am. I hope that all makes sense to someone. At the end of the day I don't want her to feel bad that I've been a repressed homosexual for 10 years because of that one thing she did.
This is a very challenging situation. In my opinion I think you should tell them by saying that you are gay and you weren't able to accept yourself and come out until you were accepted by them and that it took you so long because from childhood experiences you never could find the right time to tell them. I don't know if I helped but it might work. Good Luck.
DC: I have a lot of memories of how my parents handled sexual issues when I was growing up and it severely affected me. But as long as your parents have their cognitive abilities, it is best to clear the air rather than having some huge elephant in the room and everyone is ignoring. (My father-in-law no longer has his mind and I can't tell him things now because he can't process the thoughts.) Open up while you can. They will accept you for who you are--most likely--even though it may take some time. If they don't, then you all are living your lives honestly without pretext. At 26, you are probably old enough to stand on your own without needing the approval of your parents. Although it's nice, it's not necessary. Good luck. Tom
Thanks lakegirl, the biggest problem is explaining it without basically saying 'it's your fault the past 10 years of my life have been a nightmare'. I'm also really bad explaining myself, especially to my parents because I never really talk to them. ---------- Post added 1st Jul 2012 at 09:03 AM ---------- Thanks Tom and I agree with you saying that I don't need to approval of my parents but for some reason I do. Subconsciously until they approve I can't accept myself. The subject has never come up and I don't think either of my parents could even imagine one of their children to be gay. They will see it as a failing on their part.
If it's something you need to do, then do it. But the way I see it, if you're not that close with your parents, this is basically you going up to them, opening a can of worms, and becoming distant again. I think if you can find a way to work through it without confronting them about it, that'd work better. But again, if you have to do it, then do it. I don't know if it helps any, but I just want to remind you that when you were 8, that would've been what... 1994? Sure, things were slowly getting better for LGBT people and awareness, but it was still a time of transition. Relative to now, things were probably pretty terrible back then, right? Her views of LGBT were probably skewed when people were less informed back then. Combine that with the fact that she's your mom and wanted the best for you, that's probably what led her to do what she did. Especially since she's said that gays were nice since then, I'm sure she didn't mean it in a terrible way. Like a large amount of the rest of the world, people are simply uninformed. Seems like since then she's come a long way. And if she's accepted you, it's clear she doesn't have any problems with it. What's done is done; if you can move past it, all the better. But again, if you need to bring it up to move forward, then do it. But tread carefully to avoid blaming them... that's the last thing a now-accepting parent wants from their kid. They think they're doing well, only for you to come by and tell them otherwise.
