Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort sites

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

i dont mean to be rude at all. im only trying to help, please take this in the nicest way possible (*hug*)


he might not be gay, perhaps questioning his sexuality. have you asked him that? i mean i know things might be tough for you right now but i think he might need you there as a friend more than a lover right now. someone he can talk to about it.

i know a lot of straight men have a trans fetish.... (sorry trans people, i dont mean that in a nasty way at all), is could also be that. he might have a fetish for trans people and things of that sort. that might be why he might be a bit embarrassed.

the porn he watches doesnt really have anything to do with sexuality. different people watch different things, some lesbians watch straight porn it doesnt mean they want men e.t.c.

some men are naturally quite feminine straight men, who just want to look good. nowt wrong with it.

if he is lying to you, you might want to think how many times has he lied? i know i wouldnt want to be with someone who lies as i couldnt trust them and trust is a big part of a relationship. maybe you could suggest getting relationship councelling to help?

you say you cant leave him because he has no friends. thats trapping you/blackmail. that is not healthy at all, people do that to manipulate others so they have 'power' over them and it makes it hard to get out, ive been there its not nice. if he has no friends, that shouldnt at all stop you from leaving him if it is what you want to do. you just say youre leaving, walk out and never look back, and cut all contact. easier said than done though i know.


i hope i wasnt too harsh/didnt offend you.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Well it definitely sounds like he really likes you. He could be bisexual. And if he is, then him saying that he was just curious wasn't a lie. A lot of those things that you listed off as being signs that he's gay don't necessarily mean he actually is gay. For example, being closed off, quiet, and not having any friends don't mean he's gay. But there are a couple of other things that you mentioned that would have me wondering, as well. Honestly, he could just have weird fetishes.

This is obviously a touchy subject with him. I would just say not to talk about it too much, but keep an eye out for any more "signs." When you feel like he's in a good enough mood to about it, maybe ask him if he's ever thought he's bisexual.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

It's hard to conclude anything basing on one person's perspective, because it could be biased by their suspicion. But I'll try my best to answer your questions.
From what you said, it seems very likely that he's gay and in denial. The good thing is, he could be bi, meaning you two can still be together. It's very hard for him to accept his identity, so don't blame him too much for lying to you now.
You are deeply in love with him and can't break it off, but the relationship at this point can't be the same anymore. You two have to work it out, because the distrust is too obvious to ignore. If he can't come to terms with his sexuality, I doubt that you can force anything out of him. Have a nice talk with him, be gentle though, don't be harsh and try to work it out WITH him. Assure him that whatever the case is, you will understand and will be there for him (you will, right?).

There are 2 possible outcomes: he's straight and everything was a misunderstanding (very unlikely) or he is not straight. I guess the former is easy for you to deal with right? But he may be hurt because you doubted him. Just say that you value truth between you two, or something along that line. And if he's gay, or straight, it's not a lost cause. If you really, truly love him, please be there for him. It's hard enough for him, don't make it harder by leaving him. Don't hate him (I take it that you have basic understanding of LGBT right?). If he's bi, help him through the hardship, support him the whole way, after all he's still your old boyfriend. If he's gay, you can still be friend with him. I know you're hurt, but it's also hurting him. He was confused, and thought that you might set him right. And don't try to "straighten" him. You said earlier that you cannot live without him, so don't leave him out of your life. He may avoid you but if you are there for him, eventually he'll understand and accept himself and you.

I know I'm asking you too much and you're the one that is hurt, but this is a very delicate and sensitive matter. I'm not sure that you can still save your relationship, but if it's really the case, don't abandon him, OK?

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

As a man who was in a relationship with a women during my coming out I can say it's... difficult. That's an understatement... especially if you deeply love the person you're with. It kills you inside. I'm still recovering and I came out to my ex-girlfriend over a month ago.

Let me ask you something that may be personal and you don't have to answer but towards the end when I made up my mind that I was in fact gay and had always been gay, I was unable to climax during sex with her. Has he had trouble with climaxing?

Now, this is not an indicator in of itself. There are many reason a man might not be able to perform but it is a piece of the puzzle.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Slow down for a minute here. You found a site pitching porn of transwomen, not gay men. I'm more inclined to think the could just be bisexual with a thing for transsexuals. Honestly, I've never been quite sure what to make of these kinds of guys, other than that they almost certainly tend toward the "straighter" end of the spectrum and you probably don't have much to worry about. Frankly, if you found him on a site dealing in hot pictures of, well, regular old men then I'd be more inclined to think you might run into a problem down the road. Your boyfriend on the other hand probably doesn't want the baggage of identifying in any way as "gay", which is typical.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Ok, so we have more of the story... it might be the medication. Like I said, it's not an indicator, just a puzzle piece. There could be many reasons, including just the anxiety of sex itself. I know guys like to present themselves as a manly man who would bang anything in a heartbeat but a lot of guys are a little scared of sex and it can affect performance.

But, this is not meant to alarm you and we don't exactly know what's going on without his persepctive, but I displayed some similar signs that you mentioned in the original post:

I know this is tough for you, but trust me, it's even tougher for him if he is gay or bi. It's really tough. Make him comfortable, make open minded comments around him. Next time he gay-bashes, say something like, "but being gay is pretty normal, I mean, it's just the way some people are born." Things like that. DO NOT ACCUSE HIM OPENLY. That does not help at all.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Hey LemonLemon,

Though I am no expert in coming out to people, less alone being in the spot of your boyfriend, but when I was coming to terms with my sexuality, the biggest thing for me was what would happen if my core group of friends knew? It literally killed me, I was scared more for the fact that they were who I hung out with everyday, they were my life outside of work and school. I feared that if I tell them, then my life would be over basically. What would I do? How would I be able to go to? Could I live my life knowing that there would be no one there? All those questions made me want to deny the fact that, hey Your Gay! Finally it took a lot and I did it, I came out, and nothing has changed. And now that I have their support, I have come to accept who I am and coming out to other have somewhat been easier.

Now that I have said all this, it sounds like maybe he's in the spot I was in. If he might be gay or bi, and since he may not have friends and is a closed off type person, he see's you has that support structure. And he may fear that if you know about his sexuality (wither figured out or no) you will leave him and he'll have no where to go or lean on. Also, I can understand your end (obviously, only to a certain degree) and how you may feel. You will have to decide on what you want to do, but if you stay with him and want to love him, like everyone has said, he can still love you and be your boyfriend if he's bi.

Hope everything works out for you! (*hug*)

TB

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Hey lemonlemon, I've been in a similar situation as your boyfriend. I am, however, gay for sure. I had this woman who I loved a lot and we were engaged but It ended badly for obvious reasons, but at the time I thought I loved her, which I DID love her, but not romantically as I thought at the time. I definitely don't think he has used you or anything like that. If he is gay, it sounds like he is coming to terms now and if he would have came to terms before he met you then he WOULDN'T have pursued you as a love interest. Hope I helped some..

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

Any person would do that or something to that degree if its a matter of being alone. Perhaps there is a possibility that when you two first started dating that he was indeed straight. And then something happened to where he found out that he was curious or attracted to guys? Remember there still is a possibility where he could be bi, or just even experimenting to find out if this curiosity is real. There are several different possibilities that could come about this. No one truly knows their true sexuality unless they find out for themselves first hand. Don't beat yourself up thinking that your just a "test" subject for him. Yes, it sounds crap (and no matter how long I stared at that sentence to make it not sound like crap, I just couldn't come up with anything else) you can't think it that way.

I also want to say that its not easy telling to tell people about their sexuality. No matter who it is and how much you love them. Girlfriend, Fiance, Mother, Father and Husband/Wives as I've seen here on EC. I'll say that I am the only child and I am the biggest mammas boy and even still at 26 I love her to death, I'd go to hell and back for her, but I still can't get the courage to tell her that I'm gay. So as much as you both are in love, its not going to make him identify his real sexual orientation to you any easier. Like I mentioned before, if you are really the only person in his life, he may have that feeling where he does not want to lose you and be alone.

The trust issue is between you and him, so I can't really offer much advice on that. Step one from me would be to give him a little time to accept that "Hey, I got caught and she knows". There's nothing worst than getting caught and then admitting what you got caught with or doing when the spotlight is on you. Then after, offer your support that no matter what you'll be there (if that is going to be your intention). Once he's comfortable with himself, I'm almost certain he will be able to talk more and you can then find out the truth. When? Well that's something that you just have to know when its right. I wouldn't decide to throw it out in the middle of an argument or when your in public with people around and such.

Best of luck! (*hug*)


TB

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

These are the signs that he may be gay/confused sexually/hiding something from himself and/or me...:

-He is often distant and doesn't open up much, as though he is hiding something somewhere or somehow

No response for this one

-He makes comments on how gay men are 'gross' or 'disgusting'
-When I questioned him on the trans escorting site he made comments like 'how sick', how vile' when seeing pictures of the trans men and women.

From the other stuff, this does point towards being gay or trans

-At the beginning of our relationship I found a bookmark on his computer for another trans escorting site. I now know he lied about this also as at the time he said it was just an advert and nothing to do with him

This makes me think hes trans, but doesnt want you to break up with him

-I now know/feel like he's lied about other things because he has acted like this before when I have confronted or questioned him on similar circumstances regarding his choice of porn videos and movies
-He often makes derogatory comments about women, even though he says he is joking. --He frequently watches vile and disgusting videos about 'hot' women having done to them or doing to others very painful/disgusting sexual acts (so to speak). A tame example is women with anal prolapse for example.

Too weirded out for comment

-He has not been in a relationship before

That points to either being gay or shy

-He doesn't really have any friends

Thats just offensive

-He also seems particularly interested in threesome porn (with 2 men and 1 girl)

No idea

-He is very, very, very concern with his looks, e.g hair, concealer make up

Straight, trans, or gay

-Is very self-concious in certain ways
-He is closed off and quiet

I dont think this means anything inportant



Overall, Id say hes (shes) trans

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

im trans. i would be devastated if just questioning stage a gf/bf found out! And even more nightmarish, they confronted and pushed me on it to confess.

it is personal journey, and nobody can live it but me.

if it does affect you, it is far less than it is affecting him. if you LOVE him, not feel fear and control over his actions, then allow him the privacy to work it out in his time his way and not ask him what he's doing...and knowing what yu do now, if you can't handle the possibility of the bf you love being a woman, then break up. if you want to research it yourself, dysphoria, please do...because if he is like me, it will make him happier if you leave him alone to work it out, but become knowledgeable enough when he does come out you know what he's talking about.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

I have trouble climaxing the exact same way, and people here tell me I'm not gay so I wouldn't use that as an indicator. It could be a mix of medication and being self conscious during sex.

 

Re: Please, please help me! Is my bf gay but can't admit it? Looking @Trans escort si

I really don't know what to say here. Whatever it is, you're both in a big mess.

Frankly, whether or not he's gay bothers me far less than some other stuff you mentioned... It all adds up to someone who's... Very used to and very good at putting up false fronts. It might be that there's something fairly innocuous behind all this denial and lies and histrionics, like him being gay, or just very insecure... But I'd be very, very careful.