Hi Everyone, I used to post on here quite a lot but haven't been recently, I have still been viewing threads on a daily basis but I feel a bit ill equipped to post while I haven't got to grips with my issues yet. I was hoping somebody could give me some advice or relate to these issues I'm still having which I can't seem to shake. Firstly I keep questioning myself even though I'm pretty sure I'm gay, I mean pretty much every day I try and compare my feelings for girls with how I feel about guys, I spend tons of time looking at people walking by, I only really notice if there is a really hot guy or occasionally girl, but then when I look at sexualised images or fantasize it is only guys that do anything for me. When I look or try fantasising about girls I don't get turned on at all. I think I have big issues due to the fact I denied my feelings like this up until the age of 23. I have also have met a guy, we have not done anything sexual yet (we have cuddled) now when we do cuddle it feels amazing but once I start driving away from his place I start feeling weird, I hate this feeling I can't understand why I feel like it. When we are together it feels right but as soon as I am alone again that stupid bad feeling comes back. I also find it really hard to be romantic with him, he is the one who always has to take the imitative and he complements me a lot which I find hard to do back. I am also having a really hard time telling any of my friends or my dad (that's the big one ) about my sexuality, I keep worrying about the fact that once I tell them their opinions will change of me and I get this stupid feeling that if I am wrong about being gay then I can't take it back. Overall I am just pissed off at my brain it's exhausting, why can't I just let me be me?
I think if you're sexually attracted to men, and not women, you are most likely gay. Honestly, I'm gay, but if a hot woman walks by, I'm probably gonna stare for just a second. I think that as humans, we tend to admire other people's bodies, male or female. Maybe you get that bad feeling because you've suppressed your feeling for so long. But if it feels right when you're cuddling with your guy, then it's probably right.
You should also consider the possibility that he's not the right guy. I used to be with this one guy (we were not really dating) and when I was home at night I thought about him a bit, but at day, I didn't even want to see his face. I realized he wasn't the right guy for me. Now everything about him is just gross. And I'm really glad that I didn't lose my first kiss with him. I was weak back there and needed someone, but I quickly regained myself and realized that wasn't me.
Hi! I'm no expert by any means, but it sounds like you might still have some internalized homophobia, where you've realized that you're gay but haven't fully accepted it yet. I'm saying this based on the fact that you say you enjoy being with this guy but as soon as you're alone, it's almost as though you begin doubting yourself or feeling bad. Also, the attempts at trying to find girls sexually appealing may just be you holding onto the possibility that you're straight. You say that you denied your feelings up until 23 and we all know the negative ideas certain people have about being gay in society, so maybe those two facts are making it hard for you to be completely okay with yourself. It really does take a lot of time, but I think all you need to do is keep assuring yourself that you're NOT a bad person just because you're gay. On the other hand, maybe you're somewhere closer to bisexual? Sexuality's a really complicated thing so don't feel upset if it takes you a while to figure everything out. Try not to worry about what other people might think or say first. Have a conversation with yourself and be honest. If you like only guys, that's OK. If you like both guys and girls, but maybe have a strong preference for one over the other, that's fine too! When you do have it all figured, just remember it's not anything to be ashamed of. I think after you've settled everything internally, then it'll make it easier for you when you come out to others because you won't be worried about being wrong. Good luck
your post sounds like me when i was 16 all over again. and i know im not a guy but.... "I get this stupid feeling that if I am wrong about being gay then I can't take it back" me before i came out and 80% of my gay friends thought this also. even when i came out i was like..... what if im wrong. but then i learnt to accept myself, coming out was only part of it. my self doubt was probably from other people saying 'omg really, no way' being more suprised than mean about it. it made me think, but if they said oh okay. then it would probably of helped a bit, but alas i had to work through those feelings of self doubt but i knew deep down it was who i was i was just trying to deny it. i honestly think its part of the process of accepting who you are. you say you dont get turned on by women, youre probably gay. after all sexuality is sexual attraction. i can look at a guy and think, yeah hes cute... but its like if they have nice hair or something its not anything sexual. whereas if a cute girl walks past id look her up and down. you say you have met a guy and it feels good when youre cuddling, but weird when you come away. it might be because perhaps you havent done it before (idk sorry im assuming here) so youre still getting used to how it feels to be 'you'. and maybe you feel odd because youre trying to push the feelings away perhaps. come out when you want to, dont feel pushed. try not to worry much (*hug*)
There's a subtle difference between noticing someone looks good/beautiful/confident/stylish/whatever, and getting that feeling like your heart just skipped a beat/butterflies in stomach/twitch "down there" ... different kinds of attraction...
thanks for the responses everyone, I don't think I'm bi as I have never really had any sexual thoughts towards girls and tbh even when I was younger and was in denial I could only ever get off by thinking about guys, I think I may just be having a lot of trouble completely accepting it. Oh and regarding the guy, I think I like him although the physical attraction isn't as much compared to other really attractive guys (he is a really great person) it's my first real relationship so I have no idea tbh. I'm guessing the bad feeling afterwards might be self loathing after so many years of denial but I don't know.
You know when I met my hubby, it was the same like that. It feels good to be with him, but afterwards I felt terrible. At that time, I wasn't out to many people, only a few friends back then, not to my family, well I think they suspected it. Any way, the more we saw of each other, the more that terrible feeling goes away. But you have to accept you sexuality and step out of that closet. Cause once you out, that terrible feeling start to numb away. My hubby is the first person I had a relationship with.
