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First Break up

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cool25, Jul 2, 2012.

  1. Cool25

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    Hi,

    Haven't posted in a while as things had been going pretty great. In the last 4 or so months I had been dating my first ever boyfriend. First everything basically. I loved him (and still do) but I had doubts from the beginning about how physically attracted I was to him. I had told him I had concerns about whether a relationship was what I wanted at the moment.

    Anyway, so I continued dating him and it was great. He treated me so well. He understood when I was worried, he listened to me when he didn't want to, he came over at late times just so we could be together and more.

    And I had known that it was unfair on him that I wasn't giving him what he needed. I just didn't have that physical spark. So yesterday, I got a message telling me he was frustrated, and we ended up breaking up.

    I am so upset. I love him but I don't have that physical attraction. I knew it was unfair on him and I knew that eventually this would happen but I can't help but feel extremely hurt.

    As usual, he was so nice about it all. He said he knew as well and asked if I was gonna be alright etc. I've been crying since yesterday and I just can't help but think that everything that I had is now gone.

    He was also there when I was going through a tough time with my coming out. I feel so empty. This is my first break up so I guess things might be a bit harder but I'm struggling a bit. He still wants to be friends and we both agreed that what we have equates to a good friendship. I really want to speak to him but I haven't since I handed back his keys.

    I just feel depressed and empty.
     
  2. Deaf Not Blind

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    aww! :frowning2:

    gosh at least your 1st was a good one.

    happy memories make for good stories.
     
  3. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    awh hun :frowning2: i know it hurts so so much
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    I know how you feel as I am also experiencing the lost of someone I love. I messed things up and I've been kicking myself for it everyday. I miss her, but it's probably for the best; if there's no physical attraction, that surely isn't something you can be looked past. I'm sorry you're hurting, it happens to all of us at some point in life. I used to date someone that I wasn't attracted to and to this day I've never told her the real reason why I broke things off with her. It's not something that can be easily said. Crying helps when you go through a break up and I'd love to remain friends with the girl I was dating, but it'll be too hard for me. I do know that things will get better with time, perhaps listening to your favorite music will make you feel better. Next time, don't date someone if you're not attracted to them. Like you mentioned, it wasn't fair to him.
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Jul 2, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2012
  5. Gravity

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    I'm reading between the lines here a little bit, so correct me if I'm wrong, but did he break up with you at least partly because you weren't having sex with him? If so, that's not something you should feel bad about - you could easily flip things around and say he couldn't give you the physical space you needed. People have all different kinds of sex drives, and it might be better to find someone with one that matches yours. Again, just a thought, and hope I'm not too off base here.

    It is normal to have a rough time like this, especially after your first relationship ends. It sounds like you two are still on pretty good terms though - and it seems like he was a big part of your support network. Do you think he would be open to becoming friends? Or, for that matter, would you? If he's willing, a conversation with him in person some time might help a lot, as long as you two are willing to focus on each other as individuals and where you go from here, rather than the idea of getting back together (friendly suggestions, based on experience - don't do that more than once a week, and do it in public during the daytime).

    In the meantime, as you mention you're out to a few people - have you talked to any of them about it yet? It might also be a good time to start leaning on other people as well.

    Good luck in any case - I've certainly been there. (*hug*)
     
  6. Cool25

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    Yeah, that's exactly right. It was basically that but I don't blame him at all. He is the most genuine and caring guy and he basically said that he had to be honest with me and that without that it's basically a friendship.

    We are on good terms and it felt like I just lost the only person that meant a lot to me in recent months. I'm pretty sure he might have stayed with me even when he didn't want to. It was stupid but I sent him a message saying I'd always love him even though we aren't boyfriends and that I miss him. I shouldn't have said that but it's so hard going from having 30+ texts a day to nothing, to waking up alone, to having no one.

    I want to see him. When I handed his stuff back we hugged and he left. He says that he knew and that I shouldn't be too worried about it asking if I was ok.

    I've been trying to be busy but nothing takes my mind off it and I can't sleep at night.