I have been in love with my best friend for 3 years. He knows how I feel and he's ok with that. There are several problems that just make it hurt even more. First, he is my coworker. So I am forced to see him several times a week. Second, I am an introvert, so I don't have a lot of close friends. I only have about 4 good friends and one passed away and another is moving to Europe after this summer for school. Third, every one of his friends, including his sister, and all of our coworkers are convinced that he and I will be together (some think we are secretly a couple already). I just can't take him hitting on girls in front of me anymore. Even though he is never successful with them and has never had a girlfriend, it still hurts. I just don't understand how he can make me so happy, yet so sad. My heart can't take anymore and I just don't want to see him anymore. But since I have to (again, we work together), I don't know how to fix the situation. We have kissed twice before, not in a romantic way, and he initiates our hugs and I have not seen him hug anyone else, guy or girl. His dad and his brother are both not ok with homosexuality, and his sister seems to think that is keeping him from being himself. He says he's straight, but really doesn't act it, aside from talking about wanting to hook up with girls constantly. Like more than I have ever heard. Like he is overcompensating. I want to distance myself from him, but I don't feel it's fair to him because it's not his fault I love him so much, but when it hurts to the point that I cry, where does that leave us? I don't want to lose him, because we both don't have many other friends to turn to. I've tried dating other guys, but they don't work out. They just are not him. I'm not expecting him to ask me to marry him or anything, I just want him to put my mind at ease by either admitting he has feelings me or helping me fall out of love with him somehow. I guess I just need input from someone who has been in this situation.
Hi there! First off, sorry to hear that one of your friends has passed away. (*hug*) Unfortunately, as long as he doesn't confirm his sexual orientation and that he as feelings for you as well, there is nothing you can do. From what you have said, yes, it is going to take some time to be able to move on from your deep feelings for him and they guide you in how you think about what is best for him (and you). Try to be a friend to him, but also put yourself first. You have identified already that you know that for your own sake you need to move on, which is good, and hopefully it will give you the motivation to keep trying to move on. One thing I would suggest is to continue to try getting to know others and to try to find someone who can fulfill some of the things you are looking for. If you can't move on and you feel that things are getting to stressful for you then you might also have to consider finding another job or find something that will allow you to reduce the number of days that you are working at your current place. It might sound extreme, but if you can not find any other way to distance yourself, it might be something to contemplate.
