In a little over two weeks, I'm supposed to board a plane and fly across the country to visit my family for the first time in years. Now, over the past year or so I have come out of the closet in many ways. My religious, right wing, homophobic parents now know that I choose science over religion, women over men, and that I'm a foul-mouthed, "tree-hugging", bleeding heart liberal. My dad gives me hell for my political choices, but so far they've not even acknowledged the religion or sexuality. So, in two weeks, I'm supposed to go spend the better part of a month with them. These are the people that told me as teenager that they'd kill me if I turned out gay. They seemed to have lightened up a little in their older years. I know my mom is friends with a gay couple at her work, so I have hope...but, ugh, I'm so nervous about this trip. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this reunion? My teenage years were bitter hell because of the "values" my parents forced on me. I want to repair my relationship with them, but I fear they'll never understand me.
Hi there! Your visit might not be all that bad. If your mom has friends who are gay, that is already a good sign. One big difference now is that you are of course no longer a teenager; you are an adult who has her own views and values, and lives her life. Your parents might have very well accepted or come around (at least at some level) even though they might not admit to it at first. In her own ways, maybe your mom tried to let you know that she understands and has become more accepting (or at least willing to learn). I would say given them a chance on this trip. Try to repair the relationship by giving them and yourself the chance to come closer. You might have to take it one family member at a time, and one step at a time. Try to be yourself and show them that you have got your life pretty much covered and are ready to share it with them.
Tell them what you've done with your life and how far you've made it. Make sure they know that you are not a screw up. But, be polite and respect them. Spend some time with them, doing activities that you all enjoy.
I agree with the above posters, you should spend time with them doing different things but I wouldn't really bring up the topic a whole lot at first. Maybe try to tread the waters, see how they're feeling. They may even bring up the subject themselves. I don't think it would necessarily be a bad thing if you don't talk about it, just spend the time with them, try to enjoy yourself, and if the subject does come up then try to explain to them how you've been feeling.
