Guilt and acceptance?

[yeah123]

After years of questioning, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am gay (mostly) or bisexual heavily leaning towards males This is actually a big step for me considering I used to hope I would someday become straight.

The problem is coming out. To be honest, I have a plan and it goes like this. I am hoping to graduate high school, and go to school in a big city (New York City or Chicago). Since these are very accepting LGBT friendly communities, and I love cities, it should be the ideal place for me. I plan on telling my parents once I live on my own.

The problem is, it often tears me up inside for no reason. I get a random pit in my stomach or just suddenly feel sad. This happens to me at least once every day. I cannot stand it.

I don't want to come out at school, plain and simple. It's a small school with a few radically homophobic people.

Anyways, another worry is coming out to my friends. I have a group of very close guy friends, and I have no way of coming out to them. I don't want to risk the friendship, and i know things would become awkward.

I really would like to stick to my plan of coming out when I'm independent around 19, but can anyone (a) comfort the worry of coming out to guy friends and (b) help me eliminate these random pangs of guilt and sadness?

I know in the long run I'll be happier if i wait, coming out now would only be instant gratification, especially since i'm still not 110% positive about it.

I try to just live day to day and not worry about my sexuality or worry about what I am, but it's always in the back of my mind, making me sad, and making me feel guilty. It kills me inside

[TrueBlue8228]

Well yeah, welcome to the forums!

I can't give much advice on coming out to parents seeing as if I haven't myself.

Some advice for coming out for your friends tho, the best thing to do is to start with one. One that perhaps you consider your closest friend that will take anything that you can throw at them. And then go for it. It will definitely help with those repressed feelings that keep eating you up inside. Just with that one person, you'll feel sooooooooo much better.

I was in your boat at one point in my life. I kept telling myself that there was no way I was gonna come out to my friends and to solve everything I was just gonna move away and just cut off all ties and figure that it would work. But in reality, I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon and every day those guilt and sad feeling got the best of me and I told myself I wasn't going to take it anymore. So I took that leap of faith and told my best friend. Today, my close group of friends know, a few outside the group know...and they all support and accept me. And I'm on the way to telling my entire family!

Good luck and hope all works out well!!!


TB

[RueBea85]

First off, welcome!!

I've only just come out myself to a couple people and I still feel those pangs of guilt and sadness in me. I think that it just takes time, this is a huge discovery that you've made about yourself! I do tend to say this a lot but it really does help if you have another person to talk to. Being on this site is comforting because you know there are other people like you. Do you have anybody you could talk to about this?

At this point right now, I don't know if you'd be ready to tell your friends. Something you could try telling yourself is that this is not the only thing about you, this is only one thing and it's not the only thing that defines who you are. You could try to pull a friend aside or somebody else and just tell them you've been having these feelings.

[yeah123]

Any other responses? Thank you to the two of you who helped already.