Hi I am a 22 year old male whose sexual orientation sits in a rather unexplored area on the continuum (a closeted gay/asexual). I am also helplessly in love with someone. I am a nightfiller for a local supermarket which involves stocking shelves - unsurprisingly boring. What makes my day fly by though is the wonderful people who work with me. Over the last couple of months, I noticed that one of the teammates started paying me significantly more attention. I have, admittedly, never been intimate with another person before because I don't actively seek out relationships. It's due to the awful combination of being introverted and asexual. *insert forever alone face* Jokes aside, I honestly think he is attracted to me. As an INTJ, observation is something I am good at and he exhibits all the signs of attraction. He smiles, laughs a lot (even if the jokes are bad), pokes me occasionally and catches my gaze with those amazingly beautiful... *must stop* The problem is that I do not know whether or not he is interested in a relationship with me. I do not know his past dating history nor his sexual orientation. Although he exhibits signs that he wants to get closer to me, I can't help but question whether or not this is in my head or not. Whenever I am around him, I feel as if we operate on the exact same frequency, and when he smiles I admittedly feel really good. As much as I would just love it if we behaved like magnets and just become stuck together, there are so many issues that prevent this. Firstly its very difficult to find the time to talk to him because we aren't really suppose to talk when we work (I even think one of the supervisors knows that me and him get on too well and is purposely separating us) and even when we do get to talk during our breaks and such it's in the staffroom with 10 other people... Secondly he is a casual and only comes in from time to time. I honestly never know when I will see him again. Thirdly I lack the balls to act on these feelings. I don't know what to do!, I've had so many sleepless nights thinking about him. To someone who is rational I am finding it absolutely infuriating I cannot solve this problem. As much as I tell myself I want this relationship, when it comes to me and him in the same space I can't do it. Advice PLEASE D:
Hmmmmm, coffee is my advice. Nothing is as tried and true as asking somebody if they wanna grab a coffee with you. If a cup of joe ain't your thang or his, try something else similar. The point is, you want some alone time to talk with him and coffee shops are usually pretty conducive for conversation. Coffee is nice because it can be a date-y type thing or fairly innocuous depending on what transpires. That might be a little old fashioned but I'm an old fashioned kinda guy.
Yeah I was going to suggest the same thing! Find out things that he likes to do and suggest doing something with him when you both are off of work. Or see if he'd want to meet up before your shifts and the two of you could just hang out, hope it works out for you!
Yeah. I agree with Rubea85 and DanA. Just had a similar situation and while that was my plan (meeting up in a place we could talk), I ended up getting drunk and just messaging the guy (lower inhibitions). He was accepting but not interested. All the same, talking is the only way around the issue, unless you want to 'play games' (i.e. furtive smiles and hints and stuff) which ultimately just leads to more confusion..
If you see him ask his number or ask to go have a beer or coffee at some place away from where you work. Start of by talking about general things and slowly turn the conversation to sexuality. See where it goes from there.
OK, not exactly an advice, but why do you think you're asexual at all? You are in love. You must have mistaken asexual for something else.
There's a difference between love and asexuality. Asexuality is a lack of or desire for sex - which I admittedly have. I am however attracted to guys- I like them. However, the idea of having sex with them is somewhat off putting and something I don't necessarily want in a relationship. This of course doesn't mean I won't. I just probably won't enjoy it as much. As for the advice, I figured this is where it would eventually lead. I unfortunately don't drink coffee or alcohol and so does he. I'm thinking lunch? or is that a bit too intimate?
