Hi all I'm new here my name is Chris My story is for sure different than any other story, I live in Lebanon (an arabic country) and I'm gay, a closeted one! The problem is that here it's not accepted to be gay! My family don't know about me, I told my mom and she took me to therapy! Therapy didn't help I'm still in love with guys. There's no one I can talk to, no one would understand. My friends sometimes tease me about being gay but they don't know, cause if they knew I'd be dead they don't accept homosexuals at all! The most annoying thing is that I'm in love with friend of mine who's obviously straight I know I shouldn't love him but I can't control my emotions! I try to take advantage of any chance to see him undress or change his clothes, i "accidentally" touch his ass. I feel jealous whenever a guy kisses him hugs him or even joke around with him! It feels so bad! I'm reconsidering reorientation therapy but I'm not sure it's gona work out! I'm lost what should I do!!
Reorientation therapy is immoral and should not even be considered. I doubt it will work. There are LGBT everywhere. They be be closeted in your country because it's dangerous (as you said) for them to come out. So technically you're not alone. There are people to talk to here if you ever feel the need. We understand you. May I ask you how old you are? Don't confuse a crush with love. He's your first crush so the sensation is new to you and hard to control, but over time you will learn to control it. Everything you feel about him is normal. Just give it some time, it will pass. I don't know much about Lebanon. Can you study abroad? Can you afford it? I think it's your best bet at the moment. If you need anything, the online community will help you, so don't feel lonely!
Hi Chris and Welcome to EC!!! I'm sorry for everything you're going through at the moment, but, you've come to a really amazing online community with great people who will try their best to help you out! And you can have a bit of fun as well! First off, you and I, and everyone else knows that re-orientation therapy is BS. Homosexuality cannot be cured. It's who you are, so embrace that, and don't feel ashamed about it. Now, I'm not sure how old you are but I'll try to give advice accordingly that might be controversial... 1)If your parents continue to force you to go to therapy, just humour them. For their sake. I'm not really sure what you can really do in this situation to be honest. Because Lebanon, it is a lot more dangerous to be gay. So, this might sound bad but just pretend you're "straight". And I don't mean you need to find a girlfriend, or hide in the closet, you may just have to wait to get out of the house and live on your own before you can live your life fully openly and honest. 2)Is there any possibility that you can move to another country? Take school somewhere else? You'll be able to get lots of resources such as money, and housing that can help you. And I'm sure some people here will be able to help you as well. Depending on what exactly is going on. Like I said I don't know how old you are. 3) I think everyone here has gone through that straight-crush. So, most of us know how painful a situation that is. Having something you can't have...The feelings will fade, it is after all your first crush. But you mentioned that you're jealous of when a guy kisses him? Is that just a gesture in Lebanon? I know some countries men hold hands and kiss, I'm not too familiar with customs over there. I'm just not sure, because you said he's straight, but he kisses and hugs other men.... So right now, I'm not sure on some of the details and what can be a possibility for you. But, if you can get out of that country, I'd strongly suggest it. I understand you'll miss your family and friends, but you do have to think about yourself. In a place that's not safe for you. Feel free to talk more about it, we're here to help you out. ^_^
Night Rain is right, if I were you get out of the country, if it's anything like Lybia, then get out as fast as possible. Some countries though take in asylum seekers who are gay but it's against the law of their respective countries to be gay, like Lybia. They pay for all the transport costs involved to get you and they put you up with a nice LGBT friendly family (if you are under age) or they set you up with a place to stay and work which is LGBT friendly. I know UK, US and a few other 1st world countries does that, so you have to do a little bit of research on this.
I was curious about that part too! I think that's how they greet, or show affection (in a friendly/family way).
Hi All, First of all I would love to tell you that I have never felt welcomed or loved the way I felt after reading your worm loving replies. Sorry I forgot to mention my age believe it or not I'm 23 years old graduated both high school and college. Now about my friend I'm pretty sure it's love i know the difference between love and a crush and no he's not my first crush my first crush was back in 5th grade Yeah here in lebanon we kiss our friends on the cheek three times and occasionally hug if it's been a long time. Not only that but also arab men have fun by pretending to be gay and start touching and screwing each other . Another thing that I haven't mentioned is that this friend of mine always tells me to stop kissing or hugging him even when I joke with him like other people he tells me that he's homophobic and he doesn't like this kind of joking even from straight men, but when i observe i see that he accepts that from other guys! I'm totally confused and I'm sure I'm madly in love with him! I can't afford going to another country my parents want me to work in lebanon but I'm still looking for Jobs abroad. All i need is to feel normal and actually have a decent sexual relationship. Thanks again
Well hi there it seems like you have alot on your mind . since your in your 20s dont you think you have the right to make your own choices and decisions ?
That is seriously disturbing.:lol: If it's dangerous to be gay, why do they joke about being gay?:eusa_doh: If he said that outright, it's hopeless for you to continue to pursue him. I think he suspects that you're gay but keep quite about it. He could even be gay himself but it's too dangerous to come out. But it's more likely that he's really homophobic and still values friendship. Either way, if your country is that homophobic, you can't start a relationship there! I know your parents want you to work in Lebanon, but you can save money and/or look for jobs abroad (like you're doing). Hopefully it will work out for you.
Hmm, that is bizarre logic to me, I don't understand how you can have such an affectionate greeting among 2 men, and act playful, yet condemn that act. I mean, that would be so strange here to see 2 men do that. Yet, homosexuality is fairly accepted. Mind blown...the world is such an odd place... Ok, let's look at this a few ways. So, your parents force you to stay in Lebanon. What are you going to do? It's illegal there, correct? Aren't there laws against homosexuality? I'm honestly wanting to know, because I don't know what Lebanon is really like. But, I'm guessing that it isn't like North America for example, where if you came out, and got disowned by your family, at least you'd have some place to turn to, such as an LGBT youth centre. I don't think they have those there? Now so, if that's the case, you aren't ever going to get to live an open and happy life. If that's the type of country it is. Unless you can honestly see yourself having that life in Lebanon. Now, you owe it to yourself, to live your life the way you want to. Not by your parents standards. I understand it's a bit of a cultural thing, to follow and do what your family directs you to do. But, either way if you were to come out to your family completely and live your life honestly, they might disown you (although, I seriously hope they'd come around because you're their child and that shouldn't matter) or, you move to another country and get disowned because you moved away...and I'm sure your mom would know why at least... So, just think about you. It's ok to be selfish. Although, this really shouldn't even be about that. Ultimately, you have to do what's right for you. If you're able to somehow live a happy normal life with a man over there without fear, then by all means. I just don't want you to lose out on your own happiness, or have something happen to you. I could be completely wrong, and my post may sound ignorant. I'm not saying Lebanon is a bad place at all, I just want to make sure that everything could be ok. If that's your choice to stay there. Or, save some money and move away. I just don't like to see this happen to people. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's just sad to see and hear about this sort of thing. Whatever happens though, just want to make sure everything is ok, and you get to live a wonderful life! On another note, congratulations to you, for graduating from college!!
Thanks a lot for you replies, Well I have always lived my life this way! fall in love with someone give him all i can give and then expecting something in return then realize that i shouldn't cz for him it's friendship not love! I'm really in a mess! I'm head over heels for this guy and I really can't hate my parents or disobey them! I sometimes think that I either live my life this way and keep on falling in love try my best to satisfy my sexual needs by imagination or i should just become straight which is impossible!!
