Hello, my name is Ruairidh (A traditional Gælic spelling of Rory/Rorey), I am 15, and I am new here. For the past 2 or 2 and a half years I have been getting increasing feelings for people of my gender and have spoken to a lot of friends about it. Around now I have noticed that I find myself attracted to and thinking of guys a lot more than girls, but I still can get feelings for girls who treat me well. This is why I like to consider myself a bisexual with gay preferences. But even though I can quite easily tell my close friends about my feelings, I am finding it hard to tell my family, as I am not sure how my mother will react, and I believe my brother has a strong disliking of non-straights. i wish to know how I can explain how I feel to my family? I have wanted to tell my mother for a while now but I havn't the slightest idea how I could tell her. Would anyone be able to help me here? ---------- Post added 4th Jul 2012 at 02:10 AM ---------- Something I believe I should add, my grandparents are extremely cotholic, which is the main cause for my worriedness on coming out. Another thing that has me worried is that I have 2 people who I have told that reacted harshly, one is a friend or refuses to believe it, and the other is someone I thought was a friend who called me "vermin" when I told him.
Hi Rory, Nice to see your message and I hope you are doing ok. You are 15 years old, which can be young to fully know if you are gay or bi, so as you mention there is still lots of time to figure those details out. Its great that you have been able to tell a lot of friends about it, sorry to hear that you had two negative responses but it shows that they were not really worthy to be your friend in the first place, you deserve better than them. Regarding telling your family, there are lots of ways to do it and this really depends on what suits you best. If you feel you are ready to tell her your family, I think it would be helpful to first have built up some good support from your friends (and us online) so that you can feel good about approaching it - perhaps you have done this already. You described how your grandparents are very catholic which has added to your anxieties which I can understand (my father's side of the family is quite heavily irish catholic so can somewhat relate). Is there any other family member that you are close to (ie cousin etc) that you could consider talking with this about before you go to your brother/mother? Or what do you feel would help you move forward? Best, Karl
Thank you Karl. I do have some cousins, but they are both male and where I live I can get very unwanted reactions from males who know that you are of a different sexuality. The only male friend of mine who has been understanding is a feministic gay friend of mine that I have known since primary, I had to tell him over Facebook as he has moved away, I do not know where. He came out a couple of years back, and so he has attempted to support me, but has told me that some family members do not approve. I do have female cousins, but they are all second cousins, and most of them I know to be quite the type to tell as many people as they can, so I really cannot trust most with this. And those that I do trust are very hard to contact. Also recently I discovered that my brother has stolen things such as Spirit hoods and things from gay people in bars and pubs while he is drunk, and he is drunk 90% of the time, so this makes me feel much more unsure about letting my family know.
Thanks Karl. I do have cousins, but my first cousins are male, and growing up where I live I have noticed that it is hard for males to accept your sexuality, even if they are your family. There has only been one male friend who has been supporting me and he is a friend who recently moved, and so I asked him for support considering he himself is gay, and has come out. He says a lot of family members disapprove of him, which is quite sad. I do have some second cousins who are female, but I know that most of them are not trustworthy and would spread it around faster than I would be comfortable with. I also learnt recently that my brother has been known to harass and steal things off of gay people while he is drunk, which is next to all of the time. This is making me really begin to reconsider letting my family know just yet.
Hi Rory, Sorry for the late reply, hope you are doing ok. Well, its good to hear that you are able to connect with your primary school friend, if even over Facebook. I have also come out to some people in the past this way, can be a little strange, but sometimes easier too. Ok, so it sounds like you live in Australia and more specifically in an environment that does not at least seem at all accepting of different sexual orientations. Can I ask is there any GLBT centre in your area where you can call them to possibly talk about what resources are available? Perhaps it is time you try to expand your social network a bit to meet people both gay and straight who are more open and people you feel more relaxed around? I guess it would be challenging at the moment to come out directly to your family members, but if you can build up some support (including on here), then you might be in a better place to do that in the future? Karl
