A dilemma that other Bisexual males could help answering

But isn't that the same with the straight folks too? A straight man can still leave a woman for another woman. Maybe they think being bi doubles that risk? Or maybe the feeling of losing your man to another man (who's in an entirely different league) that they hate.
Anyway, don't you think it's better to find a woman who accepts your sexuality? Even if you hadn't come out, you couldn't keep it a secret forever.

 

But you are not out to everyone, so how is it that you "have already compromised" your chances? Even if it does, I think it's better that way. Unless they're homophobic, they can still fall in love with you, and that's what matters. Yes, they are horrified at the thought, but part of that is because it's just a thought, they haven't met the person yet (just think of us gay falling in love with our straight friends ). It's still possible.

 

From reading your post, I feel like you're taking "being bi" the wrong way... er, maybe not the best word, but I hope you'll get what I mean. I actually think you're reading into this way too much.

You go on about comparing guys and girls, gay kissing and straight kissing. They're different; you could've told yourself that without having to experience it. It almost sounds like now that you've "tried them both" so to speak, you're feeling a need to pick one or the other. And you don't. The point of being bi is that you're attracted to both guys AND girls.

I could really break down absolutely everything you're saying and give you psychological reasoning (non-professional, obviously) as to why you like what you like and why you're doing what you're doing, but really, what good does it do? There are honestly some things better left unknown, and attraction is one of those. I'm taking a class on human sexuality now, and I know a whole load of things that attract men and women... honestly, I almost wish I didn't know. Just let yourself like who you like.

Going off of that, since you're attracted to both guys and girls, why are you actively seeking out just one gender at a time? Beyond the fact that I've ranted on here already about actively seeking relationships... there's no reason you need to "pick" one gender to hunt down. Just let yourself be attracted to whoever you are. If you find yourself interested, approach them if it's worth it. That's all there is to it.

But of course, I'm no bi guy, so this is no firsthand experience. But would my point be any less valid if I told you I was bi? I still wouldn't have any dating experience. Anyway, take it for what you will.

I'd really like to know where he got that from, because it honestly sounds like a bullshit "70% of all statistics are made up" statistic. And from the class I'm taking, I can tell you it's much more likely a man would leave his woman for another woman, not a man. You know, unless he's actually gay even though he says he's bi. If you have attraction to her, you have attraction to her. It's as simple as that.

 

I can definitely relate to not liking older dudes but being into milfs. I like dudes my age range. I'm a kinsey 2. It keeps going back and forth between guys and girls. Last night all I could see were the dudes. This morning googled hot guys and didnt react then googled hot girls and dug that.

As said not everyone knows you like dudes. Your friends will keep it to themselves. The "bro code" seriously rules here.

I find myself more passionate and romantic towards girls while more primal or aggressive with guys. Girls a stroll on the beach and then making out, guys playing video games then playfully wrestling. Think its due to gender differences.

Girls stay away if they know often times which sucks and so do guys. BUT that is if they know. Which is up to you. Best bet is to lead a double life (not double partners, just keep that part a secret from those you're pursuing).

 

Definitely agree with guys you like being more like friends with benefits. To double me the ideal bf is just a cool guy I can be awesome friends with first.

And yeah, the whole girls being averse applies to gay guys as well.

Double life is difficult. Reminds me of superheroes in that way. Only later once things are safe can you possibly take the mask off. I'm still learning though too so that might be wrong...

Unsure. All I know I can't wait to sell my first script (Got the connections) to become part of the hollywood system. There? About everyone is on the kinsey scale somewhere lol. Society firs5 has to accept male homosexuality fully unfortunately before it can fully grasp male bisexuality.

 

It seems like you're asking if being out as bi will hurt your chances with straight women; if it would be considered a deal-breaker. Unfortunately the answer is yes. Probably 50-60% of straight women will write you off as a gay closet-case, or promiscuous, and reconsider dating you if you talk about your experiences with men. Most of the remaining straight girls might date you, but they are dating you despite your sexuality. It is a compromise that they feel that they are making.

There are many girls who are into yaoi, who might find the idea of two guys a turn-on (much the same way guys can find two girls arousing), but from what I've found these women largely aren't interested in pursing those fantasies in real life. They find the idea of actually dating a bi guy unnerving and prefer to look for "marriage material". There is a minority that would see your sexuality as a plus. Some girls do like a man who's secure, and sensitive, and above-all confident and that might work for them.

There is one upside though. Bi girls become easier to land. They'll feel more comfortable around you. Since you're both queer you can talk about queer stuff without feeling awkward. And they won't be worried that you're pursuing them just for a potential threesome hookup. Every girl I've ever managed to date was bi. My only girlfriend was bi, and it was a good relationship.

I would recommend pursuing bi girls more vigorously, as you'll have better chances with them. They get asked out by guys all the time, but your sexuality will really set you apart from the others.

 

I don't know if I'll be much help, but one thing I noticed is why are you comapring cougars to an old overweight hairy guy, that's not gair at all you should comapre them to the male equivilent an old in shape guy, maybe worldly with salt and peper hair, a nice suit clean cut....I'm. Just going into a fanyasy now but you get my point =P

 

Exactly.

I don't know. Maybe it's like as guys we can easily sleep with women our mom's age (I know I have the hots for plenty of my friends' moms lol, they have no idea...) but the equivalent of our dads is like a no-fly zone. For me it's even years older than me (mid to late 30s), dude's gotta be in his twenties for me to be into him PLUS really into him - around my age. I think it's just "a guy around my age" part that does it. Unsure. :eusa_doh: I think it's the whole difference between moms and dads though or that might have nothing to do with it. Guys usually land a girl who remind them of their mom, girls a guy who reminds them of their dad - with gays and lesbians' it's probably the same situation just turned on its head, maybe with bis it's just we respond like straight guys would in that field rather than being interested in that way on the other side? Rambling, but... maybe.... :help:

 

Well I am me, so these are my thoughts. You are you, and you have your thoughts.

Now that we have that over with...

Every woman is different, so in my opinion I think it is frankly impossible for you to jeopardize having a relationship with any woman ever. Will it close some doors being honest? Yes. Will it open some? Yes. Perhaps one girl out of 25, or 100, or 1000, who knows, might find it kinky that you're Bi. Maybe you find a nice girl who experimented herself and loves the idea of a kindred spirit. :icon_wink

Any relationship should be based on your truth and their truth. If you simply be who you expect each other to be, then you're not in a relationship with each other anyway. What is the point? A "not you" is in a relationship with a "not them."

I hope this helps. You are loved. (*hug*)

 

I just have one thing to say, straight and gay people should want to date someone who is bisexual. I mean out of all the people they can date (and they have a wider selection than the rest), they choose you? I would feel special! :icon_wink

I guess, don't give up on the gay or straight people!

 

No, you have not ruled out the ability to ever form a relationship with a woman. Yes, it might be harder to find a girl who is okay with you being bisexual, but its not impossible. I would also HIGHLY discourage you to try to have a double life or to lie about your sexuality to anyone who you are planning on building a solid relationship with.

And while some women might not go for you JUST because you are bisexual, it really isn't the end of the world. There are plenty of reasons why people don't go out with people. For example, some people might decide to not go out with me because I'm hispanic or because I'm short or because I have an accent or because I'm a bit chubby. Does that mean I won't be able to find anyone? Nope, its something that everyone must go through.

As far as liking older guys or not, its not something that is only applies for bisexual guys or anything like that. There are just people that are attracted to different things. I for one can't seem to be attracted to older men either. Does it mean that I'll leave my boyfriend once he gets old? no, just means that RIGHT NOW I won't be going out with an older guy. And that's okay.

 

I'm not a guy, but I will echo the sentiment that being bi will make straight AND gay people more hesitant to date you. Unfortunately, the stereotype that bi people are promiscuous and/or indecisive is pretty pervasive. Pursuing other bi people could be an option, but I think the right straight girl or gay guy will be able to be mature and understanding.

 

As a general rule, the people who remain attractive as they age are the ones who were 10s in their youth. So, y'know, Sting, Malcolm McDowell, David Bowie, all still hot. I'm sure when David Tennant is 50 he'll still be hot. Same goes for the ladies. Halle Berry is 47 and still looks 27 somehow. She is hotter than most women my age and she's had two kids and menopause.

Just think of them as bitches who weren't worth your time, and you'll feel a bit better. Sure that sounds cruel, but if they're that insecure, you wouldn't have enjoyed dating them. You would've inevitably had strong disagreements about other things. It's a great automatic sorting process you have at your disposal.