Where did I go wrong?

Hi everyone, my name is Mark. I'm 20 years old and am completely in the closet. I'm not looking for advice on coming out, I know that it will happen naturally one day. I am, however, looking for advice.. or maybe just some insight on my current situation.

Rewind to three months ago.. Sitting in my college dorm, I was lonely. All my friends have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I really wanted to have someone to talk to about being gay... No one knows, so I didn't have anyone. I found this website called ******. Maybe some of you have heard of it, it's not the best website to use... But they have this feature where you can type in a keyword and it will match you up with someone who has also entered that keyword. Of course my keyword was "gay"... First try. I found this incredibly personable and funny guy who is in the EXACT same position as me. He's also 20, and really cute! We hit it off from there and before we knew it we were skyping/texting/calling each other every day. We have been officially dating for 3 months.

One month ago. College has been out for a month already.. and we're not talking as much. I'm aware he's going through some family problems and such, but things were clearly not the same. Me being nosy, I came across his twitter... I didn't know he had one. I'm reading his twitter and I came across something suspicious. I don't remember exactly what it said, but this girl is tweeting stuff at him.. Things like "I really had the best day today.. I am so happy when I am with him #happy #love".. Of course I was hurt, but I didn't really understand. I was quick to approach him about it.. and that's when the truth came out. He had been talking to her ever since we left college for the summer and he had led her on beyond belief. Watching sunsets, rubbing soap on each other's backs.. I won't continue. I was so hurt. He told me the reason he was doing this was because he did not feel he would ever be strong enough to come out. Now I was hurt for myself and hurt for him. He insisted there was nothing going on, when I knew damn well there was. I couldn't bear to see these posts anymore so I put my foot down. I said, it's me or the girl. He chose me and promised he would distance himself from her.

One week later... No progress. She wasn't any less attached, in fact she was MORE attached. This time I approached him angrily, maybe it was a bad decision. I told him you haven't distanced yourself and I told him to do it now. Maybe that pressure caused him to snap, because this time he laid down the law. He said if you're not willing to wait until we go back to school in August, then I guess we're over. Me being obsessed with him, I agreed. I was going to bear the pain for a little over a month.

Yesterday... I knew they were going to hang out, he told me. Of course I didn't want them to, but all this time he has been reassuring me that they will never date. He's in class and I'm home by myself when I see her tweet something about being able to see "her man". I instantly thought he was lying to me.. they're NOT dating, how can he be "her man"? On impulse, I logged onto the fake Facebook profile I made to check up on her. Then I saw she was on chat, and I did the unspeakable. I very cleverly pretended like I was new in town and eventually got into relationship talk. I asked her very straight, "Are you in a relationship?" She said no.. and my heart sank. I could really trust him. Although she did say that they have been "unofficial" for 3 years. HE HAS BEEN LEADING HER ON FOR 3 YEARS? I felt better all day regardless.

Yesterday night.. Check twitter. He tweets at her WHILE they are hanging out. "*** has kissed my foot, literally lol". I broke down in tears. There is NOTHING going on, yet she kissed your foot. I waited all night and when we finally talked on the phone, I cried and screamed and asked him what that was about. He said even though she did, it was a joke, but I was so hurt.. how is that funny? Anyway.. the phone call sucked. He told me he was in a bad mood and wouldn't contribute anything to the conversation, so I just felt like I was harping on him. We end the call and he texts me saying that we should end things. Of course I call him up and then he doesn't know anymore... I really don't think that conversation got anywhere. We ended it by saying we are still together.

This morning.. I stayed up all night thinking about things. I decided he was right. I can't pressure him to end things with her, and at the same time it's not fair to me for him to be basically "dating" this girl. I said, you're right. Let's just end it, you're not ready. I know you can't tell her that you have no feelings for her now.. you're stuck and it's too hard. He did the unexpected. He told me that the last thing he wants is to lose me... and he's going to tell her in the next week. He is going to somehow tell her that there are no feelings when for 3 years he has led her on. I don't know how he's going to do it. I'm happy, but I'm feeling guilty. Have I pressured him too much?

While I was typing this.. He sent me a picture of a message he sent her. "We have to talk about some things :/" He's trying to fix us, but why do I feel so guilty? Have I done any wrong here?

I'm really sorry for the whole explanation. I just want people to understand fully... Did I make a mistake? I told him that maybe he should take time for himself to figure things out, but now he wants to stay committed to me and end things with her. I just don't know anymore. Sometimes I feel like my life is a soap opera.

Thanks for your help,
Mark

 

Thanks for your insight bob94.. That's what I've been trying to explain to him. I think he finally understands now. He just ended things with her about 10 minutes ago.

His text to me...
"I really hope you don't get mad at me for this... Once everything is done between *** and I.. I need a break, like a few days of just myself. And during that time of just having neither of you I really need to focus on what I need and want. No contracts to either of you, just to figure myself out. And hopefully once I make my decision it won't be too late for either of you. It is just too much to make a decision but still be with someone."

Then a few minutes later..
"I basically just ended it with ***. I love you..."

I'm really nervous and confused.. I'm not going to hear from him at all for a few days. I hope he chooses me. :/

 

Bob, I guess you were right.. Why else would he have gotten rid of her? He couldn't even wait one night not to talk to me. He just needs a few more days to finalize him ending things with her. But in the meantime, we are back to normal again. I really hope it lasts! Looks like our plans to meet up in April are still going to happen!

 

I know this thread died.. but I just wanted to say that everything is great now It really is possible to find the perfect guy/girl. I'm so happy right now!!! I know we will give each other the strength to come out one day!