For some background info, my family isn't exactly tolerant of the LGBT background. I have an older brother (who isn't with us anymore) who came out as gay, and then was kicked out on his 18th birthday. Ever since then, they've been supporting the Anti-Gay marches that have taken place in the bigger cities. So I have plenty of reason to fear to tell them the secrets that are pushing me over the edge. Along with this, I'm sure they'll find a way to call this a 'phase' because of me being diagnosed with Psychosis just a few months ago. I'm aware this isn't a phase since I've been hiding it since I knew I was different at the age of 7, up until then growing up in a house full of boys it felt normal to be one of the guys. My mentality of that drastically changed during 2nd grade, and that's when it hit me that I was born the wrong gender, it didn't feel right. The only way I felt better was when I was surround by guys and being accepted as one of the guys, it's all overwhelming now. For the past month I've been waiting to tell them, but I can't figure out the right words to say or the right time for that matter. I know I'm pretty young, but, I just feel like there's going to be something missing if I don't tell them. I know about the risks, I've considered waiting until I move out and can fend for myself, but I can't continue acting like this picture-perfect girly girl my family just ever so desperately wants. On top of that, my sexuality has been driving me crazy. I tend to identify as Asexual, but to be fair I know I'm not Asexual. I'm just confused of what which sexuality would be to someone who's fighting with the fact running through their mind of being born the wrong gender. I really do not know what to do at this point, and I know I'm going to break quite soon if I don't tell them. I've done so much thinking on this, but even after that I'm just so lost on what to do.
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your brother got kicked out of the house. (*hug*) Given the way your parents reacted to your brother's coming out, I would suggest that you wait with telling them or letting them know about your own feelings. I know this is going to be hard not telling them and 'pretending' that you are the (in your words) picture-perfect girly girl. But there are things you can do to offset your want/need to tell your parents. First, have you given it some thought to talk to your brother about your feelings and what you are going through? If not, maybe try talking to him first and see what he might suggest to you. Second, have you talked to a counselor at your school or to a teacher? Have you talked to some friends? I'm asking these questions because, before you tell your parents anything, it is going to be crucial for you to built up a strong support network on which you can rely on for support, if and when you need it. Plus, you have mentioned that you are confused about some of your feelings, though yet know that there is the feeling of being the 'wrong gender.' That in itself can cause a lot of stress on you (as you have probably become aware of) and it would be good if you would have an outlet that would allow you to talk about your feelings and thoughts that help to make up the core of your personal identity. Talking to a counselor (say at your school or outside of it) will help you in clarifying a few things and provide you with a path forward. If you haven't talked to anyone yet, I would suggest that you start with that and make sure that you have everything in place before you talk to your parents. There is a place and time for everything but from what you have said about your parents, their views, and about your need to figure things out for yourself, it does not sound as if it is the right time for letting them know.
I would love to ask my brother, but he died in 2010. I'm not exactly enrolled in a public/private school with a counselor I can see on a regular basis, and my family doesn't have enough money to keep me with my therapist. I do have a friend (online) that I put all my trust into, him and I have worked out most of it the main part we haven't worked out is my sexuality. Which I'm pretty sure can wait since I don't consider myself ready to date or even try to 'get' with someone. And yes, it's been extremely stressful since it's taken it's toll on my body.
I feel for you, I've had some mild psychotic experiences from stress related to coming out and even that was really frightening for me. If your parents are intolerant like you say they are it doesn't look like you should tell them soon. I think you should take really good care of yourself, eat right, excercise every day, having good physical health has helped me a lot to maintain a more clear and less anxious mind and excercise can also help you to channel your frustration. Also build up a support network of people to talk to. I know everything might feel overwhelming to you now but things will work out in the end, we have your back on this site /
I dunno, I just really want that weight lift off my back so I can actually be who I am for once instead of this facade I have to put up. As for the staying healthy, it's extremely hard to do with an eating disorder.
Hon, I am not an avoidance type person, but I strongly suggest you wait. I'm a home-school mom, and if u are home schooled and your family is very anti-gay I would wait. Find small ways to give yourself outlet, like getting some more boyish clothes. Google a hotline for lgbt. Join a theatre club. Make friends who are likely to be able to accept you. Ask to go back to school. And make plans to leave when you are 18. Remember that hiding it is not a permanent solution but it will save you a lot of distress for now. And u will be anle to come out to them when u are older. it will also save u being sent to reparative therapy. Just find a way to make healthy spaces for yourself and keep it to yourself for a few more years.
In this town, it's not going to happen. I already know I'm going to another school next year, an alternative high school that I know has a LGBT club but apparently the parents are involved with it too. As for theatre, our new district leader has decided acting is another form of 'sinning' and took out the programs from all the schools.
I seriously feel for you, living in an environment like that would definately take its toll on any glbt or otherwise other gendered person. You're really brave to try and live through it and cope, be proud of yourself . Try to realize that even though you may have these problems though such as psychosis or questioning your gender/orientation, they don't have to dictate or control your life. It may feel that way sometimes but you can still actively do something that will help you to feel happier and less distressed, you always can. In hard times we often get an internal self defeating voice that joins in with the chorus of voices outside of us and tries to bring us down, saying no whats the point of that, that won't work. That voice really had me under its thumb for long time but only now I'm actively challenging it and finding that it is dreadfully wrong. And things like art, sports, whatever your interests are if all else fails they can be a powerful outlet for your feelings and pillar for your life. I'm a musician and although I've lost a lot of enjoyment for what I do from being depressed I use practice and playing to fight my depression too. If I practice really intensively and immerse myself in the music for a while my problems disintegrate and I have a relaxed and focused state of mind. Good luck.
