So I met a guy recently who is really nice and I enjoy being around him. The only thing that's got me hung up is money. I have two roommates and don't make much, but I'm ok with it and happy. I don't need money to be happy. He is a bit older, and has money. In fact, he is doctor from a family with money. I do not care, that's not why I like him, and I refuse to take money from him. I just think its strange how we met, and I don't want it to be an issue. On the other hand, he wants to take me all sorts of places. Which sounds appealing but I know if I were to go it would all have to come out of his pocket, which is a lot deeper then mine. I think I could help learn to have fun regardless of money, but I just don't want to step into something that will cause problems. Any ideas? It doesn't help that my friends are amazed at this. Thanks!
Hi there! I think it would be alright for you to mention to him that you would like or prefer to go to places/do things that will allow you to pay half of the expense or contribute to some of the expenses. It is bit of an awkward conversation to have but I think it would be better to set the 'ground rules' and have the awkwardness out of the way than have it surface later. Your points also touch on the expectations on his and your part. If he does not have any expectations in terms of you being able to chip in on trips, that is one thing, but if he does than you need to set your limits and convey to him what you can realistically afford. That said, it should never become a situation where he is paying for most if not for everything either because that could also cut your time with him short.
I like what Mirko said about having a convo with him about it. He might be perfectly fine spending money and not think twice about it since he likes you and enjoys being with you. As long as he's not tallying up what he spends and resenting it I'd say go ahead and see where the relationship goes and enjoy it. There are lots of things you can do together that don't cost a lot so you can do those and maybe once in a while he'll treat for something bigger. Cuddled up on the couch watching a movie doesn't cost anything and would be great just being close to a guy you really like. What was strange about how you met?
Dating someone who has more money than you can be a tricky situation. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle it, but it should be handled in a way that you are comfortable with and that works for you. I'm in a similar position with my boyfriend right now. He comes from a family with money and he has a very decent job for his age so he can afford to spend more money than me. I'm a person who doesn't like to feel dependent on anyone or feel like I'm owing people anything, so I made a personal "rule" for myself in order to make our relationship work. If we do anything together then it has to be something that we can both afford, else we aren't doing it. Might seem harsh, but I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship where I feel I'm being taken care of or that I owe someone something because they are paying for me. The only thing that worries me here is the fact that he wants to take you places so early in a relationship. How long have you guys been going out?
I think you don't have to contribute half of the cost. Don't be too reluctant to spend time with him just because you don't want him to pay too much. It could create a distance between you two. He could even lose interest in you because you refuse to go to "all sorts of places" with him. You should go once in a while (so as not to drain all of his money ) and have fun. If you could contribute some of the expense then by all means do that. Just enjoy the time with him. It's good that you put his money into consideration, but don't let it be an obstacle between you and him.
Instead, could you guys just alternate "making dates"? That way you both get a chance to show each other what you like and think you'll both find fun. He can set up things that he'd afford, and when it's your turn you can go a cheaper route. Note that cheaper doesn't mean worse; like someone else mentioned, it could just be cuddling up and watching a movie. Not to mention people like (or should like) to make their significant other feel special. It's nice to treat the other person once in a while, just as it's nice to be treated. Taking turns allows you both to experience both sides. Relationships, while about compromise, are also about give and take. I think it'd be fair to give him a shot to show you what he wants, and then you get a chance to do the same. To do only things at "your cost level", which I completely understand the reasoning behind, effectively leashes him to where you are.
I would just let him know how you feel and see what he says. The vast majority of relationships are not equal in terms of money and finances. If I was your boyfriend I would not care that you don't make as much as me, I would only care that you had some ambition at least financially. But its his money and he can spend it how he likes, I am sure he is perfectly happy spending money you lol. You could also try to balance out his contributions by making contributions of your own in some way, like cooking or using your own talents to give back. I'm not to knowledgable though, just throwing out suggestions.
