If you had spent over a year having crush/love feelings for a friend who was in the closet, but that person has been inconsistent as a friend (e.g. going from never responding by text/phone call to an invitation, to acting super close as a friend for a while, and then going back to not reciprocating friendship), would you give up on them as a friend? Yesterday after having a disturbing/metaphorical dream about this guy (that I've been only recently trying to really get over as a romantic possibility), my female best friend convinced me to erase his number from my phone and unfriend him on Facebook, which I did. But now I feel horrible that I actually am giving up on someone that, at least for a while, seemed like a genuine friend. I had invited him to help me out with something this summer (told him a few times about it), he said he was interested and really made it seem like he was planning on coming, I told him to give me some days that worked for him, and now a month since I last saw him he has not contacted me once. I realize he has other things going on in his life, but to completely ignore me and not even text back a simple "no, sorry, I can't come"? WTF! And when I first was getting to know him (even before I came out to him last fall) he had a pattern of not responding to texts I sent to him and others trying to organize get-togethers or study groups. He seems to be struggling and distancing himself from me (and our bi friend, who came out to him a month ago) and he probably will never come to terms with what he is because of his background, but I'm honestly lost at what to do. Obviously part of me felt like cutting ties was probably the best thing, since thoughts of him have seriously poisoned my mind for the last year and a half, but now I regret having attempted to cut him out of my life completely. He probably won't notice for a while on Facebook, but when he does and IF he tries to seek me out again I don't know what the hell I'd actually say to him. I want to tell him that I'm hurt that he's been such an unreliable friend to me. But, I don't know if I want to give him another chance if he does come around again. I've had other friends in the past who have not contacted me back about things and I'm still friends with them. AND I've been a jerk in the past to people and they still try to maintain friendship with me. So why is this situation different? Am I justified in giving up on this person? Sorry for another rant!
I don't even use facebook, but... We really only need a handful of good friends in our life. This person doesn't sound like they were a good friend, and you probably kept in touch as long as you did because you had a crush on them. If you're trying to get over that, and the person isn't really much of a friend to you, then I think you're probably right in cutting them out and moving on. So having done that, stick to your guns and don't circle back again. If they contact you, be honest with them. Let them know that they've disappointed you on several occassions, and that you had gotten the distinct impression that they weren't interested in staying in touch, so you had 'defriended' them. You can give them the opportunity to share their side of the story too, but you'll need set some expectations with them if you're going to have them back in your life.
