Okay, the deaf girl i like, that i took pictures with along a dimly lit walk and posted here. throne i hoped would like me somehow. she is pissssssed! Evidently, I offended her. I have NO clue how! I have been curtly and FORMALLY ordered to appologise to her. Here is what she said: (my name) I'm not appreciated what you said to me the other night. You cannot put your angry out on me you had with Em and whatsoever. It is an unacceptable behaviors, and it shows lacking in self-control. You need an apology to me. (pretty girls' name) I was not really mad at Em, we just had a problem that she was using my iMac and not her own iPad. So i told the girl i like and she was telling me Em is not my real friend, and she is using me, and i need to be more not letting others use me, etc. So my last 2 statements on FB to her was i had sat down with Em and we discussed it and all fixed, and the next day i wished her a happy independence day. I did not feel or express anger to the girl i like in any way i looked! but this is what else we said: I thought you were direct to me, you didn't explain well about that line I will punch your lights out. It's now general hm GEE!! I didn't direct it to her, nor was I really mad at Em, it sounded like the girl was mad at Em or at me for not kicking Em out! But I maybe made it worse: W hat? i don't have a clue what you are talking about! i did not get mad at you...wird maybe instead of you deriving i was mad at YOU you should ask me if i am/ weird rather out of the blue! so i see that you have read this, do you want now to explain what the heck this is about?? i talked with emily, we got it all fixed out. it is no biggy i was not really mad at her either, just telling you what was going on. but if that is something you do not want, i wil never tell you anything again. it was just talking still seen, but no reply. okay, maybe it is just your time of month and you are angry at everybody? idk. i didn't have any anger at you at all. i have no idea what you are feeling. i can't appoligise as i don't even see what you want me to appologise for! funny That got a response... " I'm tired of this conversation. Finish it." HELP!!
You should not have mentioned her period, or implied that she was being irrational. When you don't understand why someone is angry with you, you should just ask about it, without implying that they are weird or crazy or hormonal for being mad. The way to respond to her would have been something like, "I'm really sorry if I hurt you feelings somehow--I really never intended to. But I'm not sure exactly what happened. Can you please explain to me why you are upset, so that I can try not to do the same thing again? I think you're a great person, so of course I never meant to insult you or anything." Obviously, I don't know what initially offended her, but that would be the way to find out.
The part about "punching your lights out", was that something you said or did another person say that? What did you say the other night to the girl you like? I guess I'm a little confused but I think if you try to ask her what's going on it could help to figure out why she is upset. You could ask her what she would like an apology for and see if that clears things up a bit more. I'm not sure why she is upset so I don't know what to say about that. Be gentle in the message and try to be as understanding as possible. She has to be willing to listen while also letting you know why she is upset. You both have to be willing to listen and communicate your feelings. If she is angry over something you didn't do, that is not your fault. Again I'm not sure what happened. As a side note: It isn't best to say that a girl is on the time of her month and therefore angry at everyone as that can come across as offensive. ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2012 at 11:36 PM ---------- I really like Ianthe's example of how to address someone that is upset. You should address her without attacking and by being as understanding as possible.
i did ask though... and i cant see how what i said that seemed to make her want to hurt me hurt her at all. but sometimes women DO get emotional, they just maybe dont notice they are suddenly easily upset. okay i figured maybe i should not have told her that AFTER i did. but is done now. so any ideas out there what made me in the dog house other than its just her? gee!
Can you explain more as to how the two of you (the girl you like and you) interacted the night that the Em stuff happened? What happened that night between you and the girl? Did you have a convo? If you look at what happened, it might help to figure out why she is upset. But the best way to figure out why she is upset is to ask her again in a very non-confrontational way like the message Ianthe made. Tell her how she is a very good person and that you don't want to upset her at all so you'd really like to know what is wrong, so you can fix it. Women don't like it when people insinuate that they are irrational or easily upset. Men and women are both emotional. Women are no more emotional than men. I'm just saying, the way in which you word your response to her is very important. Word it in an unoffensive, very non-confrontational manner so that you can figure out what happened and how to fix your friendship with her.
Maybe she's upset about something you said to her when you were first telling her about the problem with Em. Reading over the whole thing, it seems like maybe there was a misunderstanding during that part of the situation. I think she might feel like you misled her about the original situation--she thought you were being direct with her, but now she thinks you lied or misled her about something to do with Em. Something you said Em said, which may have been "I will punch your lights out." But seriously, you need to apologize and ask exactly what happened. Apologize FIRST! You did something that upset her. Does it matter what it was? Just tell her you are sorry that you hurt her somehow, and then figure out what it was. And don't argue with her--just apologize for whatever it is. When someone is offended, apologize for having offended them, immediately, before trying to figure out why they are offended. Also--no one likes to have their feelings dismissed, which is what you are doing when you imply that they are unjustified or crazy (invalid). It's not just women. Of course, women don't like it when anyone makes a negative generalization about women, saying that we are all irrational, overly emotional, and easily upset. At the very least, you should really think twice before putting in words like "weird" and "funny" the way that you do. It's very dismissive. It gives the impression not only that you don't understand, but that you are not really trying to understand, because you don't think that she could possibly have any valid concerns. They imply that you are not taking her seriously. I think whatever originally offended her was some kind of misunderstanding about something you said about Em, which she now feels was misleading. She thinks you said or implied something about Em that wasn't true. Whatever offended her isn't in any of the parts you've given us. ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2012 at 10:23 PM ---------- I gotta say, no offense, but you really have the worst case of foot-in-mouth disease that I've ever encountered. :icon_wink It seems to be especially bad in online messaging things, so you might want to try to be especially careful, and maybe if something is going wrong in that medium with someone you know IRL, you should think about contacting them in some other way to work it out.
i agree i must have foot in mouth disease, and is it an STD you get from not having sex? ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2012 at 10:39 PM ---------- this is what i just now wrote, tell me if i messed it all up yet again: I'm sorry that you are angry at me. i don't know what i said that made you mad at me. i really don't know. you are very very mad to want to hit me. again if i am understanding right you are mad at the last sentence i said to you? is that right? i thought you and me were just discussing what i should do to communicate to emily about the computer situation. and i did it. i talked to her instead of waiting to the morning. so me and her have an understudying and are all better. how can i make you and me all better? this really shocked me! i don't know what to say. why are you angry, please be very clear, spell it out. I'm not good at figuring out stuff. i never meant to hurt you. you know that i like you and i have no reason to want to be mean to you. can you specifically explain word for word what i did that made you so angry. this makes me sad. you know i lost julie. you saw it all. am i losing you? my party is tomorrow. are you coming? i don't know what else i can do. gosh the only thing else i can do is cry and tell her I'm in love with her. :'( please don't leave me.
OK first, did you mean "understanding" (because I don't really know what's an understuying is)? Second, you repeat words a lot, which sounds like you're joking. Make it simple and to the point. Cut this bit out: i really don't know. you are very very mad to want to hit me. again if i am understanding right you are mad at the last sentence i said to you? is that right? This too: why are you angry, please be very clear, spell it out. I'm not good at figuring out stuff. And this: can you specifically explain word for word what i did that made you so angry. this makes me sad. Good luck!
thanks. i figured out our misunderstanding. i generalized and used the word YOU and so...yeah she thought i was mad at her so she got mad at me. oops. who wants to teach me how to write and use words?
You've sorted it out with her? Good! If not, just tell her that she was mistaken. Hm, learning how to write? Now you'd better go and do that because you've confused me plenty of times as well! xD
oh i think i am very bad at communicating! not good!! but iasked her after apologizing and saying what i meant to say, and she saw YOU was meant generalizing not directed at her. i said i never want to fight with her, and are we all better and she said yes. yeeeaaa!
