So I had a dream last night that I came out to my dad. He was shocked and said he loved me and would love me no matter what, so in the dream I head up to bed. Now, still in my dream, I wake up and my whole family is crying and my dad isn't anywhere to be seen. My mother walks up to me and says "Michael honey, your father shot himself last night... he left this." and she hands me a note. The note basically said that I was the biggest dissapointment in his life and finally pushed him over the edge. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep until around 7 am. Now a few months before this I had a re-ocurring dream for a few weeks where I am an adult and out to my father. My little brother, that has always looked up to me, is a teenager. I'm visiting my mom and dad and my little brother comes home and says "Can I talk to you guys?" and we all say ok. He leads us into a room and says "I'm gay..." My dad looks like he's just been stabbed in the heart. He then turns to me and yells "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU TURNED HIM INTO A LITTLE FAGGOT LIKE YOU!" Then I wake up. The worst part about all of this is, sadly, I could see this stuff happening but as long as I stay in the closet I have to keep acting like someone I'm not. I need to come out to my dad soon because for as long as I keep it a secret this stuff will continue to happen. So I pose a question, what is the best way to do it? Should I just say "I'm gay dad." one day while we're alone or should I drag it out and beat around the bush a little first?
I think all your fears are surfacing in your dreams. You need to learn about your sexuality first so you will be prepared to give them information and answer all their questions. There are lots of good places on the internet. I'd start with www.pflag.org . Yes, its important to imagine the worst case scenario and be prepared for it but you also need to think about how you want it to turn out. Good luck!
Ask your mum for advise, she knows your dad better than anyone else. You also need to tell her about your nightmares so she can understand how important this is for you. If your mum thinks it's ok then I would just come out with it, but then I'm like that. Beating aboutt he bush only prolonging the agony. Good luck.
