Hi, I'm new here and this is my first thread. I just want to start off by saying I'm happy for empty closets. Sorry for being off track, onto the real topic. Okay, so I'm still in the closet to quite a few people, but recently I've met up with a friend I haven't seen in 4 years. He's a great guy, but he's never come across as gay. But when we caught up, he was always trying to be close. He kept touching my hair, and when our legs were touching, he wouldn't move his, even though he had ample room. And on the car ride back, he he purposefully rested his head on my shoulder, tried to lock arms with me, and put his hand on my leg. I know these would come off as obvious signs, but this other guy from my past was giving off similar obvious signs. But, once I told him I was gay and I liked him, he turned all homophobic and now we're enemies. I really like this guy as a friend, and I don't want to lose him, but I also want to date him too. How do I tell if he's interested, without me directly telling him I'm gay?
Hi! Welcome to Empty Closets! I don't think it's possible to find out if he likes you without coming out to him (unless he independently decides to tell you. I think you should start by feeling out how he feels about gay people generally, and then if he seems like he would be supportive, come out to him. Don't tell him you like him, though, at least not at the same time. Let him get used to the idea that you are interested in guys at all before you tell him you like him.
Well, I always start with "What do you think of gay people?" and if he asks if you're gay, just say you're just asking and you want his opinion. Not much advice but...hope it could lead some where. Sometimes guys just like to jokingly touch there friends inappropriately for jokes and laughs, but they turn out to be straight. This situation though, doesn't really sound like he's joking, according to how you described him in your description. He probably knows you aren't straight, since you let him do these things to you. I bet if you came out he probably already knew all along.
Sounds like you are really frustrated and confused, I understand completely where you are coming from, and know how you feel. Fact of the matter is you cant. What you have to remember about people, especially at your age, is that they are insecure and scared just like you. You are pretty aware that you like guys, and are even to the point where you want to date them, however, even if your two friends are gay, they might not be ready to admit it. There are 5 stages to loss (in this case your identity): Ignorance (im not gay, couldnt be I just like being around dudes more), anger (god-damn-it! I hate gays, I hate the way they love each other, I hate their equality shit, I hate myself), bargaining (I kind of like guys, but I dated a girl once so that makes me straight, or I kissed a girl maybe Im bi? I dont know?), depression (Im gay, nobody will love me or accept me, my parents are going to disown me, Ill never be "normal"), and acceptance (maybe its ok to be gay, maybe this is normal, maybe I can be happy?). I would say be his friend for a while, and come out to him before telling him that you like him. His options will be: stay friends with you and everything will be different (he will stop doing flirty things), stay friends with you and everything will be the same (keeps doing flirty things), he'll want to date you and come out, or he will decide to not be friends with you and leave. Thats what life is about though, being vulnerable and putting yourself out on the line in the hopes that you dont get hurt. Dont let rejection toughen you up, or make you hard, let it teach you how to be more vulnerable! Strength does not come from being hallow, and un-emotive, it comes from being vulnerable and believing in yourself (being the first to ask someone out, kissing someone for the first time, applying for a job you dont know whether you will get, or making any choice where you dont know for certain what the outcome will be). You are stronger then you give yourself credit for, Good luck, Im sending my love and good wishes.
Would I was you, I would just give it another go of coming out to this guy in the story. If the person in this story is like this, he is more likely to be gay. The guy from your past that your now enemies with, could just e afraid of his feelings and hasn't accepted that he might be a homosexual..
i knew a girl who did that, she sat on laps of other ladies in sunday school, and hugged everyone, very touchy. she later stood on stage and talked about how we all have sexual urges. and a week later she had a bf, within the year married to him! lol, guess she was hinting subconsciously for sex. he seems to really be close to you and like you. if you told him the truth, it may just have scared him that you are out about it. he is not there yet, but betcha deep inside he likes you that way too, and when he is ready, he will likely tell you 1st if you try to be a kind respectful there for him friend until then. i bet you remmy being in denial, how would you had reacted if it were in reverse?
