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Now I am confused.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by KeanusGuitarus, Jul 6, 2012.

  1. KeanusGuitarus

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    As was mentioned in this post I had trouble with a discussion with my grandmother. I decided to take the advice of you guys here at EC and try to confront her about it.

    I waited till my brother went to bed and helped her doing some heavy liftin around the house. So the first thing I brought up was I mentioned how I disliked the way that Christians hated gays, and she agreed, which was a good start. She said she thought it was pathetic, so I felt good. Later on mum managed to bring up sodomy. I asked what she thought about it considering it was there, out of the open. Her response was "It is dirty stuff Ruairidh, don't get into it".

    I then stated the irony that she supported homosexualism but thought sodomy was disgusting. She said she didn't like what they did, but she doesn't want to state that to gay people, even though that is how she feels, knowing it might hurt their feelings. Now that I know this I am unsure that I should come out until I am out in my own house and such, if at all. Does anyone have any advice?
     
  2. Ianthe

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    (Just to clarify, all of this talking was with your mother this time, and not your grandmother, right?)

    Why did your mother bring up sodomy?

    By sodomy, she probably means anal sex. Which is not the only kind of sex gay men have. And the actual particular sexual acts that you get into is probably not something you want to discuss with your mother anyway.

    Pretty much any sexual act that you aren't into yourself seems a little bit icky.

    Try discussing with her people who kick their kids out into the street, or cut them off financially, because they are gay. See what she says about that.

    Your mom cares about sparing gay peoples feelings, even when the gay people in question aren't her son. She'll probably go through the Stages of Grief, but I don't think she'll stop loving you, or kick you out of the house, or send you to straight camp, or abuse you, and those are really the things I worry about. So, I think you can probably tell her, if you want to, which it seems like you do.
     
  3. KeanusGuitarus

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    Yes it was all with mum. And of course I do want to tell her. She brought up sodomy because of the fact I mentioned the romans verse in the bible that gran mentioned when she came over today. Of course in Rome was Sodom, the place of which the term sodomy was named after. She explained that she disapproved of it, and basically all gay sex practices. That of course made me back off about it, and now here I am asking advice off of you all. While on that topic, thank you for the help you have given me so far. You have all been very helpful.
     
  4. KeanusGuitarus

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    I tried to bring it up again, but after what she told me I really feel upset when trying to mention it, so what can I do now. Should I wait until I live independently, would that be my best solution? Or is there a way I could mention it, even with the upset stomach I am getting when trying to bring it back up.
     
  5. Ianthe

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    Well, if you are trying to actually come out to her, it would be okay for you to get a little upset while you do it.

    Otherwise, you could just let it go for a while, until it isn't as fresh. (Your options are not limited to doing it right now this minute, and waiting until you live independently.)
     
  6. KeanusGuitarus

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    Good news. I followed the advice of you all, and I told my mum.

    I fought against the wrench I felt in my stomach, and started crying, telling her how I feel. A big smile came across her face and she just asked me to sit down on the couch with her, she made a few jokes along the way but continued telling me that that is my choice and she accepts me no matter what.

    She agreed to keep it private while they are still feelings, and promised me that once I am with someone she will be the one that figures out how to tell the grandparents and my brother. She was a bit upset that I was so hesitant to tell her, but was glad that I did, and continued to reassure me that if there is anything I want to speak about that she will always be there for me.

    Thank you all for the help you have given me.

    Ruairidh.
     
  7. Lad123

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    Congratulations! I'm so happy she took it well :slight_smile:
     
  8. SkyDiver

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    That's awesome :grin: It's such a great feeling to have your own mother on board, isn't it? :slight_smile: