I live in a Christian house, with the obvious ideals that 'gay is a sin', which I completely disagree with! Anyway, my nana has said before that gay is wrong! Gays all have aids! Gays will go to hell! Just you're basic homosexual stereotypes, but then whenever we find ourselves talking about the subject from time to time, she will mention how she knew some of the nicest gay people, or how she wouldn't judge someone. And it scares me, I mean I'm scared of how my whole family will react if they found out I was bisexual, I suppose her reaction just scares me the most. Would she react with positivity or negativity? :confused2:
I would probably expect a negative reaction. Hell, she'd probably say "My granddaughter has 50% aids?!?" :lol: But, just try to cope with her negativity. Maybe ask her what made her think homosexuals are wrong in the first place. We all have or had to go through this, just remember to be yourself. You know what? My mom is the same way, because my brother had a few gay friends and she was friendly to them. But when she started to talk to me about LGBT things, she said that gays burn in hell and that people convert gay just by wearing masculine/feminine clothes of the opposite sex - Well, technically she was stating that. Maybe you're grandma isn't too homophobic, since she complimented gay people about how nice they were. She probably just likes there personality, but not the "choices" they made. A very homophobic relative wouldn't probably want to meet or talk to any gay person at all. Possibly persuade them that it's wrong or ignore them.
It sounds like your grandmother is giving you really mixed signals :/ Maybe she grew up at a time when some of her negative stereotypes towards gay people were more common and now she is beginning to question some of them based on her everyday interaction with gay people. I personally feel that she would react positively, based on my own experience of what people sometimes say negative about gay people and then how apologetic they are when they find out that the person is in fact gay. But then again, I don't know you or your grandmother, so her reaction could be the opposite, but in any case I hope you get to feel more comfortable with this situation.
For me, the scariest person to come out to was my Grandmother. So I understand that doubt also, and I know exactly how scary it is. First off Id like to remind you that everything is going to be fine, no matter what happens, you are imperfect (as we all are) and hard wired for struggle. Contrary to what Fedimex said, I think she may be a little more understanding than you think, in time. My Grandmother was not accepting of the fact that I was gay for a long time, but now she has changed religions (so she could support my values morally) and even started voting liberal instead of strictly conservative. You also have to understand where judgement comes from. Naivety, feeling threatened, and jealousy. These are all children of shame and fear, and are all subject to change. When we experience shame we experience the feeling of not being enough (smart enough, thin enough, religious enough, not a good enough parent), and for many people of older generations there is allot of ignorance and intolerance because of their inability to be vulnerable. What you have to try to remember is that perhaps when all else seems dark and hopeless you must have a light within to shine the way. You have to love yourself, for all of your imperfections, and "faults" and have the ability to forgive, and understand those who cant necessarily forgive or understand you. Chances are, they'll come around. Your Grandmother loves you, and ultimately wants what is best for you, that is what is important to remember. Sending love
Why don't you ask her? I mean, not about you, but about her opinions on the subject. "Nana, I'm confused. You said that all the gay people are going to hell, but then you talked about nice gay couples that you know. What do you really think about it? I don't think all the gay people are going to hell. A lot of them are really nice, good people, and I don't think God would send nice, good people to hell. Especially not for loving someone. That wouldn't be right."
Thank you all for you're advice in response to fedimex, I'm afraid of her negativity but I suppose it's good to think about the pros and cons of telling her, and if she is revolted by the idea, I could do as you said and ignore her, it wouldn't be the end of the world, because after all it's my choice of how I live my life not hers. and in response to karl178 I suppose you're right, being an elder she grew up in a different time with different ideals so I understand where her homophobia could have came from, but maybe she could learn to loose her homophobia when she finds out in fact that her grand daughter is bisexual. In response to tyrawr, I know that she loves me, despite what my down falls in life may be, and I can understand where she's coming from like you said "Your Grandmother loves you, and ultimately wants what is best for you, that is what is important to remember" I know that even if she is in fact homophobic she would love me no matter what, that's what family is supposed to do, it's still scary thinking of her reactions to the subject. in response to ianthe, I have thought about asking her, I'm just worried that if I bring up 'gay' to much she might suspect something, And my nana is a very straight forward kind of person so I fear that maybe if I do talk about it, she would come up with a answer that would just make me feel worse, although I may consider trying to bring up the subject, it's better to know.
Yeah, though I guess it is almost impossible to know someone's reaction before you actually tell them, I have always felt that coming out is a bit of a leap of faith. I have worked in some environments where it did not seem to be a smart idea to come out due to possible comments etc, but when the truth emerged those who seemed a bit homophobic were terribly embarrassed and actually grew closer to me. In any case, you are just 13, still very young to feel the pressure to label yourself to family or friends as gay or bi.
It is hard to determine somebody's thoughts or reactions until you tell them. and yes I know I'm very young, I just don't think it's weird to be bi or gay at 13, because most 13 year olds have crushes on the opposite sex, so what makes it so different to like the same sex? and also I live in a family where there aren't 'that' many secrets in between us, and I feel IDK obligated to tell them? I feel like I would be lying to them all the time if I waited till I was older... I kinda made up this thing in my head, that on november 13th (my birthday) I was going to tell my family, but then I would be only 14, still it's so young...
Hi again, yeah I understand that at 13 you can know your true sexual feelings, didn't mean to be condescending, I guess I just meant that some people might not be sure yet. I also know what you mean by not really wanting to keep a secret between you and your family, I guess keeping secrets sometimes mean that we are ashamed of the truth and that is not always healthy either. So have you any more thoughts on if/when you might like to tell your family?
