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Pretty confuzzled. Input please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Chierro, Jul 6, 2012.

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  1. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Ok so there's this guy, Darren, if you've read my previous posts...you know who he is, but anywho we've been friends since last year, we met through work. I have had a crush since the moment I SAW him, it was at our Job Interview, I sat next to him filling out paperwork, I had a HUGE crush on him then, and I didn't even know his name. So anyways, over a year later, we're friends now, talk at work when our schedules coincide but there's been tension lately.

    See I text a lot. After texting him three times after work one friday he SNAPPED. Yelled at me told me to "STOP FUCKING TEXTING" him. Even eventually told me to delete his number, I didn't though. For two weeks, tensions were high, he wouldn't talk to me, eventually last Saturday I accidentally waved at him. I passed two games together and he was at one, my friend Persephanie was at the other, I waved to her and they both waved back, not going to lie, my heart was all jittery. A week before I texted him after work to ask a question, to my surprise, he responded, but I didn't push it. Now come to Monday, I was so happy. I passed his game twice before, he waved once but showed no sign he wanted to. The second time, I had every intention to ignore him, just walk right by. And he talked to me! :icon_bigg And I stood there and talked to him until I had to go get food, he said 'Cya bud', something he says only when things are good between us. I came back when my break was getting over and he started joking around about a little inside joke between us. Now we're at today, to get to both of our games you had to go the same way, he had someone working next to him but we both left and ending up walking alone. We talked all the way until we had to split paths, once again he said 'Cya bud' :eusa_danc But sadly he didn't come visit me at all, but one thing confused me. When he was on his second break I noticed him leaving the bathroom across from by game, I recognized his shoes and his hair...oh his hair :icon_redf yet he was working on the complete other side of the park, Amusement Park, and there were PLENTY of bathrooms between us, there was no reason to go over there (the bathroom is kind of dirty too). So did he go to see me??

    Why I'm confused is that now he's speaking to me again but won't text me. I have been holding back, texting him less but...still.

    Any help with this, any thoughts, advice, anything really.
    Thanks for reading.
     
    #1 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  2. midnightvanity6

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    my opinion on this, is he probably doesn't want tension to be between you two, maybe don't text him as much, try calling him, sometimes calling someone can be more sentimental because you can hear each others voices, and actually talk without worries of him not texting back. Also if he's saying things like "cya bud" it means he's obviously not mad at you, and maybe he did go all the way across the park to use that bathroom so he could see you :slight_smile:
     
    #2 midnightvanity6, Jul 6, 2012
  3. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Hell, we could even FaceTime if he wanted to. But I'm giving him, and other people their space from me. I really want to believe that he did go to use tha bathroom to see me. Yet he didn't go to see me. The only reason I knew it was him was cause of his shoes and his hair...have I mentioned his hair? :wink:, since he has these like bright yellow and orange shoes and the most AMAZING hair...god I love it haha. I'm giving him his space as for now. If he's not busy I'm going to go visit him tomorrow, I know where he works every day of the week that he works except for Thursdays and Sundays, he only works Sundays cause he's an atheist.
     
    #3 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  4. midnightvanity6

    midnightvanity6
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    Well best of luck to you visiting him, and yes I believe you did mention his hair lol, and also I assume he doesn't know you're gay? and maybe considering him being an atheist he might be okay with the idea of you being gay, or even being a homosexual in himself.
     
    #4 midnightvanity6, Jul 6, 2012
  5. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Well he knows that I'm bi, I knew he wouldn't care that I was. I came put to him in like February. But yes I absolutely LOVEEE his hair...if I haven't mentioned it enough.
     
    #5 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  6. BudderMC

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    I'm going to be really harsh and burst your bubble, and you're probably not going to like me for it, but I think it's gotta be said.

    You've already been around this scenario with this guy at least once that I remember reading, and similar stories have happened with other guys. They do whatever it is they do to get you a little excited, you get attached, and then they finally indicate that they're not interested in you "that way" (read: whatever level of attention you're giving them), and then you end up depressed and angry. Now, do you really want to go through it again?

    I think you're reading into this way too much. He said hi to you. That's called being polite. He walked by your game. There's absolutely no possible reason he could have to go to that end of the park? Honestly, it sounds like he's just being a friendly acquaintance at best. Nothing there indicates he wants to be super-best-friends (or anything more). I could give you a list of probably 15 people any given day I wave and say hi to; doesn't mean I want to get into their pants.

    You've already told him you're bi, and I think your actions have already indicated (if he's not totally oblivious) that you like him a lot, and he clearly isn't reciprocating those feelings. Do yourself a favour and get over your crush on him. It's either going to be a really painful remainder of the summer for you, or shit might hit the fan, again.
     
    #6 BudderMC, Jul 6, 2012
  7. Chierro

    Chierro
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    My, my, my how wrong you are. He's not messing with me, leading me on, he's being my friend. That's all we are, FRIENDS. I didn't post cause I wanted his dick, it wouldn't be bad but still, I posted because I was confused about our friendship.

    It truthfully there is no reason for him to have come to my side of the park, no games along the way for him to visit people, bathroom's a plenty. But he came to my side, for a strange reason...to a relatively dirty bathroom.

    I haven't done any actions towards him or around him that'd make him think I have feelings for him. When I see him, HE smiles and waves first. I even flat out told him I have no feelings for him, a lie...but trust me, I'm good at lying, I also had feelings for another straighgt guy who I'm over. The only way shit would hit the fan would be if I invited him to Couple's Swim hahaha. I won't have a bad summer if I have a crush on him, it's been since March 2011...it's now July 2012... I can keep my feelings aside.
     
    #7 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  8. BudderMC

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    ^ I never said he was messing with you OR leading you on. In fact, I didn't say it's anything he's done. I said YOU'RE reading into this too much.

    And look at it from my point of view for a second: You post about this guy, who you had a major crush on before, are sounding pretty obsessed over whether or not he gives you the light of day, continuously talk about how hot he is... and now you're curious to see if he went out of his way for you. What part of that leads me to believe you aren't interested in him?

    And, if you really aren't here because you're interested him, then what exactly are you asking about? Because I seem to have missed it then. If it's the friendship, well, I don't know what answer you're looking for. Things blew up because you were being pushy (for lack of a better word) before, and now he seems like he's being friendly. Again, don't read into things too much. He's being friendly, he doesn't seem to hate you, take it for what it is - a seemingly casual friendship.

    There's no possibility his boss could have sent him on an errand, or he was visiting someone else, or maybe he just felt like taking a walk? I'm not saying he didn't go to see you, but I think you're jumping the gun a bit. Just because he went to a bathroom on your end of the park doesn't necessarily mean he went to see you, particularly if he never actually interacted with you. And that lurking behaviour, which would be understandable if he seemed interested in you, doesn't add up with his outburst from a couple weeks ago.

    Obviously I can't see you interact in person, so if you say you're good at hiding your feelings, then so be it. But trust me, fawning over another guy isn't exactly what buddies do. And I know what you express here is different than how you actually interact... but just tread carefully, for your own sake.
     
    #8 BudderMC, Jul 6, 2012
  9. Chierro

    Chierro
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    I'm not gonna lie, I STILL have a major crush on him, but I'm good at hiding my feelings. My friends know that I've completely fallen for him, and who knows, he might be bi, he might be gay, even his mom thinks he's gay. I personally think he's straight, it makes the most sense, and I don't push any relationship to him, we're buddies, pretty damn good buddies in fact.

    As for him coming over, that was just a slight observation I made, he couldn't've been sent on an errand...we don't do that, like I said, there is no one he could've stopped to visit on the way to that bathroom, and I can understand walk, I go on walks all the time...but it's aimed at seeing my friends...we're not supposed to visit eachother but all of us break rules.

    We're great friends and you just don't get that, even good friends fight. Many of us at work have our close friends, for me it's Erica and Darren. Even after months of not talking, we started talking again once work started again.

    The reason I came here to ask, was because I don't get how we can talk perfectly fine at work yet when I go to text him he won't respond...what makes it better we both have iPhones...I see when he gets my texts.
     
    #9 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  10. laras

    laras
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    I remember my highschool crush's!!! oh my thoes intense feelings. I came across that emotion more recently and its amazing.

    I still remember stairing at the back of my high school crush's head, thinking about his hair when he sat in front of me.

    Just remember, its a learning experiance. But if he is straight, then its like having a straight person crush on someone who is gay. Conflicting and uncomfortable I would imagine (I dont know, i am also bi)


    Here is what I found from my crush's... they know... but thats just from what I learned.
     
    #10 laras, Jul 6, 2012
  11. Chierro

    Chierro
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    As far as I'm aware he doesn't know I like him, we're just buddies, unless he's bi and actually showed an interest in me is when/if I would push a relationship. I am completely infatuated by this boy, I'm even planning on making an effort to go visit him tomorrow...he's working with a friend of mine, and asking if he's going to the block party next week (big bash we have every year for employees...he wouldn't go last year).
     
    #11 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  12. BudderMC

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    All I'm trying to point out about him coming over is that, like you said, it was merely an observation. You can't take that observation and conclude a reason why, strictly because he never made it obvious and you can't read minds. Which is why I keep saying to watch that you aren't jumping the gun.

    I don't know about this friends thing. Maybe it's an age difference, or a work vs. school thing, or we have different types of friends, or we just have different personalities. Personally, I've never fought with my friends like that, and don't foresee it ever happening. I'll still say it, from my (outsider's) point of view it looks like he was upset because you were being pushy (again, for lack of a better word), and you were being pushy because you liked him.

    And I just thought of it now, but given that you all work together, it's probably proximity that's the cause of a lot of this. You guys might be friends again (even after fighting) because you all work together, and there's nobody else to really talk with. Or maybe you're just good friends to begin with.

    He might interact with you at work because social pressure dictates he should, but doesn't reply to your texts because he actually doesn't want to. Or maybe he just doesn't like responding to texts, or is forgetful like I am.

    I hope you see what I'm getting at here. I could speculate for you for days using as much social-psychological knowledge and personal experience I have on why your friends are doing what they're doing, but what does it really matter? Only one of my answers will be right (at most), and we'll never know which one it is because we can't read their minds. This is what I meant when I said it's easier to take things at face value, it severely undercomplicates things for the better. He's being friendly with you, I think that means he's your friend. Personally, to keep my brain from imploding, if I were you I'd leave it like that. Speculation doesn't really do any good in this kind of situation.
     
    #12 BudderMC, Jul 6, 2012
  13. Chierro

    Chierro
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    I fight with my friends when fights happen. I even fight with my best friend when we don't agree. We're good buddies, we fight...things are awkward...then we're all good again. And yes he was mad because I was being pushy. But I wasn't texting him because I liked, I was texting him to talk to a friend, I text MANY of my friends, 9/10 it's my best friend, multiple times.

    And trust me it's not 'work proximity' that makes us talk. We NEVER work next to eachother. There are around 80 people that work with us...plenty of options of people. Like I said, we're great buddies, that's why we talk with eachother.

    He doesn't HAVE to interact with me at work but he does. It's not 'social pressure', like I said, we NEVER work together. And it can't be that he's forgetful...I see when they get to his phone. I know he doesn't like to text...he told me that last year, but we still texted a lot last year.

    And like I've said for the bajillionth time, our friendship is just that, a friendship between two guys. No romantic relationship, no sexual relationship. Yes I have a major crush on him. He doesn't know that, my friends do.
     
    #13 Chierro, Jul 6, 2012
  14. Chierro

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    Bump
     
    #14 Chierro, Jul 7, 2012
  15. BudderMC

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    Okay, so if you know it's just a friendship and I'm telling you I believe his actions indicate just a friendship, what exactly is it you're looking for? I've given you optimistic speculation, pessimistic speculation, realistic speculation, and I'm running out of options.

    It's not about the romantic thing, since you say you've got that under control. It's not about the friendship thing, since you seem to understand where I think you guys stand. So what is it you actually want help with? I'm not opposed to helping, but I'm seriously not getting what it is you're asking.
     
    #15 BudderMC, Jul 7, 2012
  16. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Really I just wanted to know why you guys think he won't text me back, even for questions relating to work, but he'll walk with me alone and talk to me in person by choice. He could've waited for the guy he was working with (he really should've) but he left to just walk with me. Like I really don't know what's up.

    Although I wouldn't be opposed to talk about his hair...oh his hair:icon_wink .
     
    #16 Chierro, Jul 7, 2012
  17. BudderMC

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    Honestly then, I'd say he's just forgetful. Normally I'd say it's a stupid reason, but I'm notoriously bad for doing the same thing, which is why I believe in it. I'll walk around and talk with people for hours and hang out and have a grand old time, but half the time I'm hard to get ahold of by text. Either my phone won't be on me, or in my pocket and I won't feel it vibrate. If I do get the text, more often than not I'll read it, decide whether it's urgent enough to respond to right away, usually decide it isn't, and toss my phone on my bed or something. Next time my phone buzzes, I'll forget I had that old text I needed to answer because there's no "unread message" notification anymore. Sometimes it'll be over a day before I remember.

    I think the easiest answer is just that he has different texting habits than you. If you want to be sure whether he's not responding because of something about him or something about you, you could investigate with his other friends to see his texting habits with them... if you really need to know. But again, the simpler you can keep it is probably for the better.

    Alternatively, maybe he's avoiding texting you so that he can hopefully not have another episode like a few weeks ago.
     
    #17 BudderMC, Jul 7, 2012
  18. Chierro

    Chierro
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    I get that he'd have different habits, I would just like a response...even the next day would be fine...just eventually. The thing is I don't know his friends he texts...we go to different schools and I personally text a total of 4 people, including him, from work...one goes to my school and is my ride to school.

    My big problem is I've been to his profile, looking for work friends...not stalking, and I've seen his friends post stuff like 'To be honest we haven't talked in awhile' he'll comment back 'Dislike' and then they'll say 'Text me sometime dork' and he does. I've seen him texting people after work, just never me.
     
    #18 Chierro, Jul 7, 2012
  19. BudderMC

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    Then maybe it's just a case of he wants some space. I do it sometimes, and I have a friend who's pretty notorious for doing that too (to me, even). I see him enough during the day that it's not that I don't want to hear from him, but if I know I'm going to see him again in a day or two, I can probably wait. On the other hand, your guy might be texting his other friends because he doesn't get to see them on a regular basis.

    Personally, I don't usually text people unless it's urgent or it's something I can't tell them in person (because I won't see them).
     
    #19 BudderMC, Jul 7, 2012
  20. Chierro

    Chierro
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    I text all the time, so do my friends, so I guess I'm jsed to it.

    Now a little something from today I noticed. So I walked by his game today with my friend Kelsey twice today on break. He smiled and waved once,mthe other he didn't notice us. Then later I was talking to my friend Kourtlin on my second break, it was in front of his game and her back was to him, he had eye contact and was making some face...now to the happy part. As I was coming back I had ten minutes left...plenty of time, so I stopped by, first thing he said was 'Nice haircut' I said thanks saw I had ice cream and were joking about something, an inside joke.

    Now what I find strange is the fact that he noticed I got my haircut but no one else did, it's not very noticeable unless I like hairspray it but still, I worked with someone all day and she didn't notice. You guys think that's strange? (Yes, I know BudderMC it's probaby just me being crazy but still).

    Total side note: He lifted his shirt up today to put his apron on...aghhhh :grin:, I tot to see his boxers too :slight_smile: haha
     
    #20 Chierro, Jul 7, 2012
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