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Meeting others in my situation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jono101, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. Jono101

    Jono101 Guest

    Hi,
    I am a middle aged guy who has only recently felt comfortable about being gay. I first realised I was homosexual at 17. This was a traumatic experience, made me depressed and ruined my last year of school. I vowed I would not tell anyone except my immediate family.
    Over the years I have gone through bouts of depression and anxiety but have managed to get the point in the last few years where I have acknowledge to myself I am gay and I am comfortable with it.
    I realised I would never marry and would not have any relationships. Apart from friends this has been the case. I have never had any relationships. A have some good friends but they are all straight. I am still not ready to come out to everyone but at the same time would like to meet other gay guys for friendship. I have tried online but the people on these sites are just interested in hook ups for sex. Is online worth persevering with. It would be interesting to hear the experiences of other people in a similar situation.
     
  2. itsaldo

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    i can only say that you should enjoy your life now as it is and stop thinking about the past because that will only bring you bad thoughts, and you should necessary have companion like friends or nice people to be around but i think that they're not necessarily need to be gay. I wish i could say i have the worlds greatest experience but as my point of view that's what you should do. :slight_smile:
     
  3. 55

    55
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    Hi, Jono101. Welcome to EC! There are a few guys around here who are in your age bracket. It sounds like down the road, EC may even have a forum for us - can't wait.

    In my case, I didn't know at 17 that I was gay and ended up getting married at 20. I'm not going to relay my whole saga here. If you want to slog through it, feel free to read the threads I've started. I'll just say that my 35 year marriage ended earlier this year when I finally admitted I'm gay.

    I'm not at a place where I want to start dating yet, but I am also looking for friends my age. I don't know where that can happen online since I've only heard of dating sites. I have started attending PFLAG meetings and have found another small support group. I hope that both of these groups will start broadening my horizons.

    I found a local gay bar where I've gone during happy hour. It seems more guys our age are there earlier in the evening. I've met several who are just there to meet people - not hook up. I think as long as you make it clear you're there to socialize, you'll be OK. Of course it depends on the bar. If you feel uncomfortable in any way - leave. I have a hard time finding a lot of things to talk about with straight guys, but I'm working on it. You never know, they may know some gay guys you could meet too!

    I'm not an organized religion guy (any more), but if you are, I know there are gay-friendly denominations. You might want to consider attending one, they may have activities you could join in and meet some people.

    Let me know if you find anything that works so I can try it too!

    Again, welcome! (&&&)

    55
     
  4. karl178

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    Hi Jono,

    I just read your post and wanted to give my perspective on the online gay community. I think that certainly most of the chat rooms are more sex focused (big surprise) but this is not always the case. For example, where I live (in the UK), there is a great website where you can post a profile and socialise with guys of all ages (though mostly 30s+). They stage all sorts of events (ie hiking, pub quiz, theatre, coffee meets) but the real focus is on meeting quality people. Indeed, three of my best gay friends I met on this website last year. I hope that you might have a similar online community in your area, it may not be very well advertised but if you look around a little and maybe ask your GLBT community centre for suggestions, you might just find one.

    Best,
    Karl
     
  5. Jono101

    Jono101 Guest

    Itsalso,

    Thanks for reading my post. I am thinking of just having good friends gay or straight and not worrying about specifically trying to meet gays. At my age it is probably better to just go with the flow. If the right person comes along that would be a bonus.

    Jono
     
  6. PianoNate

    Full Member

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    Howdy howdy ... I'm a late-life bloomer as well. Nice to meet ya ... I'd be happy to talk to you anytime, albeit online as it's a helluva drive for me. :icon_bigg
     
  7. Jono101

    Jono101 Guest

    55,

    Thanks for your reply. It must have been very hard being married and then realizing you were gay. You must have a lot of courage. I was fortunate enough to realize at a younger age but had to put up with the bouts of depression and anxiety for years. I have never tried a gay bar and would find it hard to enter on my own. Thanks for your advice.

    All the best
    Jono

    ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2012 at 07:29 AM ----------

    Karl,

    Thanks for reading my post and your reply. That web site sound great. I am Australian and have not found anything like that here. There are clubs etc but I am still nervous about being in public at a gay event. All my friends are straight and I don't think they suspect I am gay although I have always been single so some might not be surprised. I was attracted to online because it seemed like a discrete way of meeting other guys one to one for friendship but even that it out of my comfort zone and you are correct it is very sex focused.

    Thanks

    Jono

    ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2012 at 07:40 AM ----------

    Pianonate,

    Thanks for reading my post and your reply. Happy to talk anytime.

    Jono