Alright I am having a hard time in the dating scene. I joined the army when I was 18 and obviously I had to leave my girl friend behind. We stayed together and got engaged, while I was away (not a good idea). When I was finally about to come home we split and she got back with her ex two weeks later. I have no emotional attachment to her anymore, but I don't know how to feel about relationships anymore. I want to be in one, but at the same time I really don't. Some part of me is scared I guess to give someone everything like that again, and it mean nothing to them, but on the other hand I finally learned how to be happy on my own so I am not really pursuing anything. People keep telling me to just wait for something to come to me, but some days I really just want to have someone to spend time with again. I just don't know what to do in this situation.
im not saying you are but dont be needy. that pushes an awful lot of people away. a thing i have noticed in my friends..... over the years. be happy by yourself, being single you will get days where you will be like dsgahjdvasj i need someone, but more often than not you should be content. your content-ness if you will, will more than likely draw good attention to you if a person potentially interested in you comes along. rather than being all over someone and being sahjkdgashjk be with me i like you e.t.c. to every attractive girl you see. of course you can go out on dates/do whatever you like, but mostly enjoy being single for a while... before you have to spend a bunch of money on another woman. they are expensive after all but seriously, if you want to be in a relationship then go find one.... if you dont then dont.... just go with the flow
How long has it been since you two split up? It's not uncommon to spend some time learning to be happy with yourself again - in fact that sounds really healthy. I went through the same stages, of learning how to be with just me but at the same time wanting to start a relationship with someone new. Ultimately, I don't think there is a right answer - people start dating again at all different times. In my case, my ex started dating someone a little over a year after we split up, whereas I took just under three years. It's worth the wait if you can be sure you'll be able to be happy in a new relationship. Just be honest with yourself and acknowledge the feelings that you're having - you're having them for a reason after all. You'll know when you're ready to start seeing someone again. In the meantime, there are always friends to spend time with.
Sounds similar to how I feel now. I'm single, I like it, but then, it's always nice to have the comfort of knowing someone is there for you no matter what. At the same time, it sucks to have to recommit to a new person, and start over, in hopes of everything working out, instead of just throwing it all away. You never know where things will go, but I'm just at the point of going with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to search for a girlfriend, not for a while, but if someone comes to me, who I fall in love with, then that would be great. In that kind of situation, you should definitely have some time to yourself. Try and be constructive with yourself, and change yourself before getting into another relationship. Maybe part of the change could be not being afraid to start a new relationship, you should go into a relationship confident of it's outcome. It's good to take time for yourself first, and then when you're ready, you can find someone.
Right now, it sounds like dating is an abstract. You don't seem to be talking about somebody in particular. So given that, I don't see any reason to skip actively looking for a girlfriend. Instead, why not just stay social? Meet people, get to know them as friends. If you meet somebody, and something develops, maybe you'll decide to date her. Because you're no longer "deciding to date" - you're "deciding to date Sue". Somebody very specific, who you have very specific feelings towards. Lex
