Hi everyone... Background Info of the relationship/the breakup So I recently had my first relationship with a girl. At first I thought that I had hit some sort of jackpot: She's a beautiful and smart woman with the capacity to be hilarious. However, two weeks into our relationship things started to decline. Her ex-fiance came into visit and the ex wasn't allowed to know of my existence. I wasn't happy about it, but Jenna (not her real name) insisted that her ex wouldn't be able to emotionally handle it. Jenna started to treat me like s#(!... She would vulgarly talk about past sexual relationships in front of me (to other people) and would say things like: Yeah, ___ was the hottest girl I ever f****d. She would constantly belittle anything I said, and made me feel stupid. The only time she was emotionally intimate with me was during sex; and she only seemed to want to touch (hand holding, etc) when she wanted to initiate sex...it never seemed to be "just because I care". The other day, I was driving. Her: " That guy had awesome tattoos!". Me: "Oh...Didn't really see..." Her: " Of course not. You're the most unobservant person I have ever met in my life." me: I was driving....I was focusing on driving. Her: Still. Me: You know... *pause* I really don't like when you say things like that. It's hurtful. Her: So what? It's true. Me: There's a difference between being honest and being tactless. her: Why beat around the bush? Why not just say what you want to say? Me: Because, being tactless hurts people's feelings... Her: So? Me: ....You don't care if you hurt people's feelings? Her: Uh. No.. Her: This is how I am. If you don't like it then you should reconsider talking to me. Me: [ to myself] I've just decided I don't want to. So I dropped her off, drove home, got her stuff and came back to break up with her. I told her that I couldn't be with someone who didn't care if they hurt other people or not, and that she needs to be free to be herself, if she isn't going to change. The aftermath : The actual reason I'm posting. She called me 19 times and left 20 texts in two hours. She threatened to walk to my apartment, and out me to my cousin (female, who I live with, who has direct communication to my family that financially supports me. I've told Jenna about that fact). I told her I wasn't going to be able to handle talking to her, so, I haven't really talked to her until this evening.. * I shared something extremely personal with my ex girlfriend: My spiritual beliefs. I believe in reincarnation. And I told her about a past because she seemed interested. I've only told one other person on campus, but guess what, they happen to both know the same people! Jenna told me: Kendra is telling people about your stuff. She wasn't very nice about it. My roommate and her girlfriend feel iffy about you now and probably wont want to see you. Kendra was going on and on about it. I confronted Kendra immediately. She said that she never said anything to anyone. Jenna's roommate had apparently talked to her about my spirituality, and According to Kendra, Jenna is telling people that the reason we broke up is because / Jenna/ didn't agree with my beliefs. I feel irate. =/ I mean, getting angry at me and saying *@#@ to me is one thing, but to drag other people into it is ridiculous. I have no doubt that if Jenna was the one who told them she tried to make me look as insane as possible. Someone's lying to me. I can't tell who. Kendra doesn't have the motivation, but she is (I'm sorry) a little brainless when it comes to saying the appropriate thing. Jenna does have the motivation, however, she's the one who told me about this in the first place. I'm 22 years old for gods sake, and Jenna is 23. This really feels like high school and I just want it all to stop. Please help me. I don't know what to do. I contacted the roommate's girlfriend on facebook and asked her to let me give her my side of things, but I haven't heard back. The gay community around here is very very small, and I'm shy anyway...I don't need Jenna to build a reputation for me...
Urgh i feel sorry for you, i cant stand dramatics. Sounds like she just loves attention or manipulation one or the other, you did well to get out. If she keeps trying stuff tell her you'll report her to the police for harassment, then block her on any social media site you happen to be on, block her phone etc. Dont let fear force you to deal on her terms. I'm really sorry you got burned that bad though, were here if you need to rant.
Its tough im sorry that happened. I think the best thing you can do is make as little of all of it as possible. Why you split up shouldnt be anyones business than your own. The good people, those that are mature will realise that there are always 2 sides to a break up so try not to worry.
I can't stand when people do that. They try to blackmail you, and that's a bad position to be in, especially if you're not in high school, that just makes her look foolish and immature. I would say just block her wherever you can, and if she persists, you can always get police involved, if it's that serious, or if it gets to that point of seriousness. It's annoying and it would be a bit tedious to have someone constantly call/text you when you want nothing to do with them, but I think everyone goes through their ups and downs, and this just so happened to be a down. She's not good news at all, and I'm glad that you didn't stay with her, and that you broke up with her. If she threatens you in any way, even to come over to your apartment, then you could most definitely get police involved. Harassment shouldn't have to be condoned, it should be handled, and if you can't take the matter into your own hands, or if it becomes to difficult, then get someone of higher authority involved.
It takes two to play these games. So don't play. Seriously. If she wants to tell the world that you believe in reincarnation, or that you sing the Wiggles in the shower, or that you have a furry fetish, that's her call. It doesn't matter if these things were told in confidence, or if they're true. Just cut her off. If anybody comes up to you and says "Jenna told me that you sing the Wiggles in the shower", you can just sigh and say "We broke up, and she's probably still really pissed about it. I'm trying not to get involved in any of this drama." Done. Lex
I think people will pay more attention to what you do and how you are with them than what your ex might say about you. If she does this kind of stuff to you, then chances are she will do this kind of stuff to other people. Just try not to go along with it, she isn't really a threat to you. Sorry you came across such a terrible mess of a person
Thanks to everyone for the comments. I really appreciate your thoughts and insights. It's been helpful to get outside perspectives. It does seem that Jenna loves the attention and the dramatics, but as you all have said it's best to just not play into it. I blocked her on AOL and Facebook-Chat, and she has ceased to try to contact me via cell-phone, so I don't think the police will be necessary. The whole experience--dating Jenna, has really scared me away from dating altogether for a while. We only dated for a month, but emotionally speaking she wore me out and I don't want to think about dating =/. My emotions were all over the place and ultimately it hurt me in the end and left me feeling like I'm not capable of being in a relationship.
